Where to keep condoms?

That is one helluva way to get off!

 

Wow, thank you for the genuine lol.

 

I would take them off some time soon, Undies! Sounds like your penis might be an unhealthy shade of purple

 

Take to don't go for any kind of relieve during the evening then? or does your sex life start as soon as you walk out of the door?

 

Meets a girl as he walks out of the door.

.............Can I buy you a drink and have some wild sex.?
.............On second thoughts, can we do the sex part first, before I start drinking and have to take my condom off.?

HF never fails to brighten up a dull wet morning in London.

 

i poke a hole in it for that.

 

I actually heard of someone doing that, not washing them, but reusing them, he used to turn them inside out! I'd have loved to have seen his doctors face when he asked if that could have been why his girlfriend had got pregnant!

 

I keep a king size condom in my purse just in case.

 

In the late 70's I had a part time job while still at school, there was a bloke there who was always chasing women, usually the rough ones I think. We were talking about chat up lines one day and naturally, just starting out I was keen to pick up any tips. Apparently this guy used to go into the pub, see a girl he fancied and buy her half a lager, they'd chat normally and then, after she'd drunk it he'd ask, "am I shagging you tonight?", usually she'd reply, "why are you asking?" and he'd reply would be, "well, if you want the other half I am". Apparently it was quite successfull!
I remember a mate of mine a quite shy chap got a job in a bar, he was only just turned 18 and not very good with women, he used to get embarrased at some of the comments the older one's would make. Well he got some trouble and didn't know how to handle it, this really horrible bird came in one night and started to chat him up, she must have been a bunny boiler because she came in every time he was on and would sit at the end of the bar smiling and making comments, trying to chat him up, poor lad was terrified. Anyway one night he'd had enough and was thinking of packing the job in, so I offered to help.
I waited until she came in and watched for about 10 minutes as she flirted with him, it wasn't pretty, I got another beer, chatted to my mate for a few minutes then went and sat beside her, "I see you're trying to chat up the barman, d'you fancy him?" I asked, "oh yeah, he's fit" she replied, I smiled, "well, he was wondering, would you fuck?" I asked, instantly she replied, "ooh yes, for him anything", I smiled again, "good, then how about fucking off and haunting someone else you moose".
She stormed off and was never seen again, much to his relief.

 

A guy in a bat was asking every good looking woman if she wanted to fuck and she would slap your face. "I guess you get slapped a lot" an observer said. "Yeah, but I get fucked a lot, too."

 

Always keep them handy I have recently fucked a young virgin who was not on the pill, she told me it was a wonderful experience I told her it would feel even more bareback

 

Really thick guy asks an experienced friend: "How do I put on this condom?"
"Friend: "I'll show you." (Rolls condom onto his thumb.) "See? Thats how you do it."
Months later. Thick guy to friend: "You're an asshole. My girlfriend's pregnant."
Friend:"Didn't you use a condom when you had sex?"
Thick guy: "Of course. Look, its still on my thumb."

 

Keeping them in your wallet is only an issue if you never get to use them. They don’t deteriorate that quickly. But to avoid the “ring” they form in your wallet, just stick them in your pockets. Chicks don’t care.

 

Always keep rubbers in reaching distance!

 

SOME PEOPLE ARE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES !!!!!

 

They were not all for me..... I was running a health project at the time and I had to keep Heathrow airport supplied.
Altogether, we got through 167 million condoms a year,

 

That's funny. Some people fail to read all of the thread before posting. I wonder how many of those condoms were taken by people who were just avoiding paying for some in a drug store.

 

They were not given away at Heathrow, we sold them at standard retail price through 7 branches of 'Boots chemists' and 200 vending machines.
In all, the airports sell around 5 million condoms every year, 10% of UK sales.
The remaining 117 million are sold to the NHS, who distribute them free through clinics.
At one point, their was a huge scam, where groups of drug addicts spent all day collecting them to pay for their drugs. The people exchanging them were then selling them outside the UK.

 

Usually on my penis.