Where can I get some advice on friendship? (Long story ahead)

I'd like some advice on this. This girl is someone I'd consider a best friend... of sorts. So I'm a little pained just thinking about considering telling her that I think we should re-evaluate our friendship.

We've talked to each other since we were teens. We've talked about mostly EVERYTHING. Very intimate, secretly, private things, and fun, trivial, daily things. You know, just BFF things. Our goals in life, our school/family/relationships hardships, our pain... we've been to each other what it's considered "a shoulder to cry on". As I haven't met any friend who I've clicked with the same way; we have our long list of inner jokes and image edits and all that fun stuff that I think it's common to talk to with a close friend?

But we only message to each other. I've never been someone who'd phone friends to talk because I'm not a fan of phonecalls. And she hasn't ever tried either. Fine by me. Bur our messages have been months apart for a while (years). And within months, so many things happen, and whenever I wrote to her, feeling at my absolute worst because a close one died or I've been having very negative thoughts, wishing to have someone to talk to, she'd respond, weeks later, even months later. And she'd always apologize for the delay because of life circumstances, which is understandable, as I go through them as well, but after years, I've stopped believing she got robbed, got her ribs broken, and lost her phone in the process. Or someone broke into her apartment and stole her stuff. Or the people she lives with forbids her from using internet. Or she's been very busy being sabotaged at school by her classmates. Or this weird, incurable skin condition. Among other things that after a while, started to sound like lies.

Once, she told me she has Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know how true is that, but I don't see why I should deal with this feeling of uncertainty just because she has that. It's as if I blamed my whatever to some circumstance, and yet I didn't try to push through that to maintain a cherished friend.

I don't know, I don't know if its their overly dramatic, tragic nature that makes me thing DAMN she has absolute shit luck, she could be the main, hurt, wounded character that deserves pity of some story with all the crap she goes through. Because maybe I've turned so distrustful and cynic that I think, I also go through crap circumstances and yet I always try to make time and write her for two hours because that's what it takes to catch up after all we've missed about each other.

Reading that last paragraph I wrote makes me sound so mean but I'm finally being sincere with this because for over a year, I've felt like she must think of me as "that dumb girl that believes all my lies".
I understand we're adults now, and we have busy lives. But I'd like to know if I my distrust is justified and I won't be an asshole by telling her why I'm considering our friendship has turned into... something weird, and we only use each other to vent about whatever, rather than actually feel like I can count on each other if a crisis arises or we finally decide to organize a trip to Japan and finally attend our favorite artist's concert (right now it's not possible, I know, but it was one of our goals).

Losing a "friend" like her would hurt me a lot, because then I'd have zero female friends to talk to about things only a women understands, such as complex relationship with abusive family members/coworkers/bosses, or asking her opinion about a date, a job, an outfit. I've been very honest with her, and she knows a lot of my likes and dislikes, just as I know hers. And unfortunately, I do need a friend to talk to because "just like her", I've taken some rough hits from life and very often I feel like I'm at the end of the rope. So if we end our friendship... I'll have no one. I'd be throwing away all our history, and I won't probably live to have a friend I can trust to that level.

Today, I wrote her a message, telling her there's something I'd like to talk about, and it's not nice. I told her I won't need her to reply as I write, because I want to tell her ALL OF THIS.Some hours later she responded that she's willing to read what I'm up to. So I think, do I need to sound severe enough for her to break her radio silence of months to prioritize our messages?

Please, tell me if I'm being the toxic one here. And if I'm not, how could approach this? Because I tried to sound more or less decent here, but I won't filter anything in that message.

 

Hi Heathen

The best advice I can give you is to walk away from this toxic friendship and never look back. No calls, no texts, no emails, no nothing. Block her from everything.

Only spend your valuable time and energy on this Earth with people who want to spend their valuable time and energy with you. When two people give 100 percent to a relationship or friendship, nothing needs to be taken , it's all about giving from both ends.

Be happy and wholesome being alone by yourself without any friends, family or significant others. No one on this Earth is needed to create or harness your happiness in life.

Your ex-friend has moved on from you. You must do the same. There are thousands n thousands of solemate friends and lovers in the world. Write down 30 things you want in a friendship. Study those 30 things and those types of friends you'll attract. You just got to put yourself out there. Confidence should be a daily task and once you get good at displaying it, you won't have to think about it anymore, confidence will be automatic.

You'll be so much better in every realm of your life if you apply my advice.

Best of luck.....

 

I should probably print this and have it with me at all times.
Incredible helpful advice. I'll definitely keep it, and try to put it into practice.
The "Your ex-friend has moved on from you." stings a little, but probably because it's true.
I'd still like to talk to her about this, see where we stand. But after reading this, I won't settle for any mediocre friendship.