When your best buddy becomes your "bed buddy"....

Have any of you bi (or gay) guys ever seen your relationship with your best (male) buddy evolve into something more than just a platonic friendship, a "bromance", if you will, that soon turns both intensely erotic as well as emotional?

Has any guy here ever ended up with his best friend becoming his full-time "bed bud"/"best bud"?

Were you single?

Closeted? (trying to pass as "straight")

Married?

Divorced?

In a serious relationship with a girlfriend?

If you have ever experienced such a scenario, how did it take place?

How far did it go?

Did a long-term m/m relationship eventually develop?

Interested in hearing your experience and thoughts............

 

At best, my adult best friends were good for a couple of blowjob sessions but nothing more serious than that. Good enough friends that (1) I could tell them that I was bi and (2) I could teach them the fine art of the bro-job; they knew that if they needed to be sucked off - or wanted to suck some dick - they knew that I wouldn't say no to them. Bros? Yes. Bromance? No way in hell we'd want to be romantic with each other. Matter of convenience? Sure. We were all married, still getting plenty of pussy... but, yeah, bored, nothing else to do, or horny right now and it's not going to wait until later so, um, would you like to have your dick sucked? Why, that sounds like a great idea as long as we can do it together!

 

Hey, as long as you can "get your rocks" with any available, like-minded guy, seize the moment (while "seizing" something else!) and just "rise to the occasion " and have fun!

 

At the most basic of levels, that's the whole idea, isn't it? With or without romance. We're the best of friends so why can't we do this and share a deeper bond with each other?

 

Well, I HAVE heard the old saying, "best friends share EVERYTHING."

Again, I am am total agreement.......................

 

It's really kinda simple: If your bud sucks your cock better than your woman does, um, you know who to call on for great head - and you know that he's not going to rat either of us out. You specifically asked about LTRs in this when, at the least, such arrangements were/are short term and even though a sexual relationship is still a relationship, there are still guys who'd bridle at any indication that things were getting romantic beyond two guys telling each other, "I love you like a brother..." which, um, kinda gets interesting unless you've been sucking your brother's cock... but, seriously, can best friends become lovers both physically and emotionally and over the period of years? Yes.

 

So many factors come into play in such a "touchy" (pun not intended!) situation; the level of emotional/physical connections between the two involved men, marital staus stability, and so on.

No two situations are exactly like, but yet, the "bonding" experienced by the men in question here is what remains at the very core of all..............

 

That's "funny" because I just finished having this conversation about bonding with my protege and is firmly of a mind that M2M sex is about bonding... and it isn't - it's about sex and doing whatever we had to do in order to answer that biological imperative to sow our seed... and by any means necessary; like I told him, you'd have to go way back into the history of our species to see this and back before the rules that now govern our behavior were even thought of and the people who would invoke them hadn't been born yet. It goes way back to when we had to compete for pussy to have offspring and there was none of the polite shit that we go about doing to compete for someone's affections... and to get sexual with them. We had a seriously deep conversation about it; bonding is part of our social contract that's been in place for the longest time (millennia) but, yes, it is true that men can bond through sex... and we can bond with each other without it. The prohibition against homosexuality made bonding between men who were not homosexual... iffy. You can be close to a guy and be "uncomfortably close" as you get to know each other better and talk about a great many things; it might not get sexual but it can... be in the neighborhood enough to make guys nervous - and hesitant when the existing bond has grown to the point where sex might be possible... if you wanna risk a friendship and bring it up.

Ah, man... the shit you learn along the road of life...

 

Some of my favorite sexual fantasies at this stage in my life are "what if" scenarios where my best male friends from my past weren't that Straight after all.

 

My best buddy (whom I also worked with with several years) and I were truly as close as brothers; he would always introduce me to people he knew in his neighborhood as "This is my brother....."

Elated?

Proud?

Touched?

You'd better believe it!

This BIG married fellow (older than I) was 100% straight, and NOT the the slightest bit bi-curious.

He KNEW that I had the hots for him BIG time, but he used to make jokes about it, and actually laugh!

Man, the hot "bonding" fantasies I STILL have to this day about this big, hairy Italian fellow!

If only.....if only.......

Oh, well.

Frustrating as it was that I knew that I could never fulfill my fantasies of having sex with him, I just accepted the fact that it just was never going to happen, and I just enjoyed all of the nutty "adventures" we got into, like two overgrown kids.....for two guys that were such opposites, we DID have enough in common to, at least, "bond" platonically.

He had no brother of his own, so, I guess, this, for him, was making up for lost time.

Sadly, he passed away 14 years ago, due to a rare form of blood cancer.

I STILL feel the deep sense of loss today.

Of course, he knew I was gay, and it mattered nothing to him.

I could always count on him for ANYTHING, and I knew he was a friend/"brother" that I could truly depend on when things got rough.

Sometimes, you simply have to be glad for WHAT you have, and take it from there........

 

In the times where I knew that a guy was looking for another guy to have his first experience - or the first one in a long time - a lot of them were looking at their friends and asking how to broach the subject of "gay sex" with them as well as how to let them know that if their friend/friends wanted to, they would be willing to accommodate them. There are some guys who you can be close enough to that you do have the hots for them, that if they asked you to blow them, you would and wouldn't hesitate or think twice about it... and more so if you've ever seen him partially undressed, totally undressed, or you've seen his prick. There are some guys you can be close to that... you don't have a single "inappropriate" thought about them while being the best of friends.

And there are some guys who find themselves in a moment where there's sexual tension between them and it's hard to ignore; they know that something has to happen... and it does and their friendship is forever changed. Why lust after your best bud? Safer than lusting after some guy you don't know anything about and it's as much a matter of trust than being safe and if you can't trust your best buddy, who can you trust? If you've been friends for a long time, you've been through a lot together, have shared a lot together and... sharing sex just seems to make sense if the both of you can find a way to be okay about it and the scary part is that you really don't know if your friend would accept or reject your indecent proposal - and that's despite everything you do know about him.

Can you ask him - and he says, "No, I'm good..." and you remain best friends? Sure, as long as he's not really offended, and he understands why you asked him and that this isn't about being bi or gay - but it is about being that bonded to him as a friend that you trust and probably more than you trust anyone else.

 

Another excellent, insightful post.

Here again, as with anything involving ANY sort of sexual situations, there is no "cut-and-dry/one-size-fits-all game plan" here.

So many important factors come into play, both sexual and emotional.

Follow your instincts, your common sense, and, yes, your heart; take the time to "talk it all out", with no bullshit or beating around the bush..............just say what you honestly mean, listen to what your partner says, weigh all the pros and cons, and take it from there........

 

Here again, "gut feelings", common sense, and instinct should be your guides.

If something seems TOO good to be true, 10-to-1, it's a situation you'd best avoid, if you know what's good for you.

As I've said in the past, "gut feelings" AND common sense are both sadly neglected these days.........

 

Historically, it's always better the devil you know than the one you don't. If he's your best friend, you know damned near everything about him but zero carnal knowledge of him. Way easier to try to get that carnal knowledge from him than it is having to learn a lot of shit about a guy on the fly, in the moment, or over long periods of time that don't lend themselves to getting laid if you're risk adverse. A bigger risk of ruining a life-long friendship but some guys feel it's worth the risk while others... would rather fantasize about having sex with their best bud and the fantasy can be something else if you've ever seen his cock. The truth is that if you don't ask, you'll never know - ..but should you ask?

That's the real question. Instinct and common sense says you don't ask him and risk destroying the friendship but, again, if you need to know one way or the other and you don't ask, well...

 

Totally agree.

Another "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenario.

Again, I would indeed opt for your "gut feeling"; after all, guy-wise, who knows his best bud more than yourself?

 

I've had sex with friends, and some asked why it took so long for us to do this and... I dunno. Beginning with sex-laden conversations, admissions of masturbating frequently, one of us confession to having sucked a dick and swallowed cum and... horny as fuck and... do we dare? We dared, we did it, don't know why it took so long other than neither of us knew that we were... amiable to having sex with guys. I've offered friends a blowjob and only one guy turned it down and we remained friends; the others were like, "Why not?" and a few of them learned that sucking a dick is pretty fucking hot and exciting and oh, so naughty. I've had friends who I lusted after, but I wasn't going to hit on them; I've had friends who lusted after me and I didn't know until they made their intentions clear.

And I've hit on friends because I "knew" that they wouldn't object all that much, risking ruining the friendship and even my reputation since I'm outing myself to him... so I can suck his dick or get him to fuck me or both. Was it worth the risk? Yes. No. You find out who your real friends are in this situation and I'm not talking about the ones who might have sex with you but the ones who understand why you wouldn't mind having sex with him and that's a combination of being horny in the moment but the feelings you develop for someone once you really get to know them.

A real, true friend takes the offer as a compliment and as an expression of your feelings about the bond you share and... you head off to McDonald's to get some cheeseburgers and like the "I want to have sex with you" conversation never happened and the friendship continues and endures. Or the guy you believed to be a real and true friend winds up being your worst enemy because you thought you knew and understood him well enough to tell him that you're a cocksucker - and he loses his shit before you get a chance to offer to blow him and... all kinds of nastiness ensues. Was it worth it? No... but it was because if you didn't know, now you do so that's a positive you can take away as you mourn the loss of a friend and understanding that his departure leaves the door open for new friends.

In the meantime, instead of trying to get your friend into bed, there are a gazillion other guys out there who'd give their left nut to bed you and in any way you want so why not slake your lust with them because you can't have the devil you know... but the one you don't know just might surprise you and pleasantly so. They say that friends can't have sex with friends, that doing so will always lead to disaster and.... that's true and it also isn't because the logic suggests that if you can't have sex with a friend, who can you have sex with? Well, that would - and is supposed to be - anyone who isn't a friend but if you have stranger danger, yeah, that's a problem, isn't it? The devil you don't know is one scary motherfucker and a clear and present danger to you... or so you're made to believe but since so many guys do believe this, it leaves them lusting after their friends because, in theory, they're the safer option - but you really don't know if they really are an option to begin with.

And, yes, you could be damned if you do and damned if you don't although this level of damnation could be an unknown because you don't know how not asking him is going to affect you - and your friendship - going forward. If you can't trust your friend, who can you trust? This whole thing gets seriously deep but it does speak to why a lot of guys "go after" their friends to have a first experience with... because it's better the devil you know (or think you know) than the devil you don't. But it's also better to err on the side of caution, too, isn't it? If you don't say anything to him about it, there's no risk of losing his friendship but now you're friends with a guy who gives you major boners just being around him and you want him badly and you still don't know if you can have him or not and wouldn't it just be your good or bad luck if he were to ask you why you've been acting so weird?

Now what? Do you tell him the truth or do you lie to him and with the understanding that both things could end the friendship? I've been in that position and have told the truth... and lost a friend or two... and got to show others how much our bond meant to me by having sex with them and without regrets. There is no sure-fire answer to this and it's not impossible that your best buddy can become your bed buddy... but some stuff would have to happen in order for this to happen - and it's not going to just happen all by itself (I know because I found that it doesn't work like that).

What a clusterfuck, huh?

 

EXCELLENT post!!!!!!!!!!!

Easily, one of your "Top Five" for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for taking the time to share these "right-on-the-mark" views and opinions here!

Though I HAVE said this in the past, if you ever wrote a book on your lifetime of sexual experiences (especially those of the m/m variety!) you'd have a runaway best seller on your hands, for sure (and would feature more pages than "War and Peace"!)

 

If you want your best bud's cock, you have to ask him for it or, if you're lucky, give him enough hints that he wants to give you his prick and he makes the indecent proposal and letting you off the hook in making it. Either way, he's either going to be down for it or he isn't; he's either going to remain your friend or he isn't. He might have sex with you and stops being your friend the moment he cums... or you are better than best buds now. It's the reality I came to understand growing up and craving sex with guys and, as such, learning about my emotions and how the bullshit we are taught can make your male friends unapproachable. Shit, maybe you're not down with that "gay shit" but, one day, you two are hanging out and... something happens (usually cocksucking) and it happened because it had to and neither of you understand why it had to and... now what?

It's painful to watch a friend who's showing all of the signs that he wants to ask me something that's... out of the ordinary and since I've seen this before, I can almost guess what's on his mind and what he's trying to be brave enough to ask. While I'm watching him go through the pros and cons in his mind, I'm asking myself, "Do I want to have sex with him?" and doing my own checking of the pros and cons. Maybe I put him out of his misery and say, "Why don't you just say what you have on your mind?" or say something like, "I have a feeling that you want to ask me something really personal... so ask it..." or, sometimes, I've sat and watched this very painful thing he's doing and I'm just waiting for him to ask for what I'm very sure he wants and I'm not going to make it easy for him, you know, since we're friends and all that and I'm not beyond fucking with him.

Whatever he says or doesn't say will dictate what's going to happen next and now the question in my mind is whether or not what he says - or doesn't say - is going to have a negative impact on our friendship - or should it be negative or how should I react to whatever he's going to say and a gazillion million other things including how all of this can go horribly wrong and... is it worth it? Experience has taught me that if he says what I think he's going to say, I need to find out why he wants to do this because I know that if he does, it's going to change his life and in ways that he might find even more difficult to handle and... do I want to be responsible for this change?

Pre-adult, none of this was of any great concern; post adult is a whole different rodeo and one that's rife with social difficulties that we learn just fucks everything up for everybody. I'm a young, up and coming bisexual, and I'm having sex with my best buds like, well, like it's illegal and if a friend didn't want to, that's okay - we can still be friends... but if you change your mind, that'll be okay, too. The adult version is all too problematic because image and reputation mean everything and one must be focused on getting women for love, sex, and/or a relationship while denying the fact that your best friend... makes your dick hard and you get so horny being around him that it's driving you crazy - and crazier because he doesn't seem to notice how you're reacting to him - and you're confused as to why you are.

Or maybe you know, and this isn't surprising you one bit because you're no stranger to dick - you want him but how do you bring it up and ask him without getting punched in the face? I've seen guys get amazingly creative trying to pop the question and, yeah, I've had to get just as creative because he's my friend but he's also a guy... and a guy I want to suck off because, well, um, I want and need to and I've learned to not question that inner voice that says, "Ask him..." One way or another, I'm about to learn something about him as well as learn more about myself.

And whether we wind up as bed buddies or not. If that's how we're going to be, then I'm going to be all into it and, hopefully, I can convince him to not hold anything back because I very much believe that you can fuck your friends and it does not wind up being a disaster.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

I had two such relationships in my teens and twenties, but I wouldn't go into detail publicly.
It was nice, it was good.