When you first------

Hi, brand new here, just looking for discussion to help me sort out my feelings. I realized I am bi sexual in the last 2 years, I am happily married, love my wife and kids and we still have great sex. But as I explored the world of gay/ bi sex through videos, I realized that I wanted to participate. I have been privately and discreetly meeting men for M2M fun. I have been very careful with screening; no diseases wanted here. I have enjoyed oral sex with guys, and had some anal sex as well. I have realized I am more of a bottom, I enjoy mutual oral sex and I love being pleasured. I really do not understand why ex between men is vilified, to me it seems natural. As long as both parties are safe, what is the problem?

 

"Peer pressure"------Good God-the thousands of kids who suffered (and still do) due to being taunted and bullied by "friends"; NO ONE has the right to dictate to another how to conduct their sex life (or ANY other aspect of their life); bi/gay kids all-too-quickly find out that their "wonder years" are years where they are wondering WHY they feel as they do (sexually)------WHY do I enjoy sex with other boys-----and it feels so good------if it is supposed to be wrong? A kids' world nowadays is often confusing and uncertain at best-WHY do gay/bisexual kids (or ANY kid) who is thought of as "different" by his "peers" suffer due to blatant ignorance? One hears fat too often about teen suicides------you wonder how any of these troubled teens are gay or bisexual? What a sad sad waste of a life-------------

 

LSC1962: Glad to see that you joined us-------sure hope you enjoy yourself here and will take part in our discussions!

 

The problem, of course, is our religious beliefs. They said that homosexual sex was a sin punishable by death and, all these centuries later, most of the world still believes this and continues to vilify both M2M and F2F sex as being unholy and is also at the root of it being said that bisexuality isn't real and other propaganda that tends to keep a lot of adult men and women sitting on the sidelines; they want to dive in and explore but they're not listening to themselves and listening to the rabble rousing that only serves to make and keep them heterosexual.

Once someone takes that initial plunge, only then do they truly realize that everything they thought they knew about sex is... inaccurate.

 

KDaddy23----------you indeed SAID IT ALL-------religions are indeed a large part of the issue regarding intolerance towards gays and bisexuals; what about "Judge not-least ye be judged"? And-"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? How quickly the religious anti-gsy zealots forget these Bible passages! Sad indeed how the Bible has been used as a weapon of hate and intolerance----instead a book of tolerance and brotherhood-------------

 

Eva Cantarella writes in Bisexuality in the Ancient World (2nd ed., 2002, p. xviii):

“In both Greece and Rome, as the most recent studies have correctly argued, the fundamental opposition between different types of sexual behaviour was not the heterosexual/homosexual contrast, but the active/passive contrast, the former category — activity — being characteristic of the adult male, while the latter — passivity — was reserved for women and boys. This meant that, in both Greece and Rome, disapproval and ridicule were directed only at the passive adult male.”​

A. To this day, in most societies receptive anal sex is not compatible with male status, which requires masculinity and dominance. When gay ‘celebrities’ in the United States are asked about their homosexuality, they begin to babble about God, but certainly don’t dare to talk about anal sex. They can’t be bothered to act as missionaries of (receptive) anal sex. So much for ‘our’ assimilationist ‘role models’.

B. Homosexuality has been suppressed as cheaper substitute (like masturbation, prostitution and bestiality) for marital sexual gratification, which typically led to procreation and a multitude of very burdensome obligations in the interest of the family, group, tribe or nation. Just think about gay men today who can afford a high standard of living because they do not have to support wife, (girlfriend,) and children, and who can enjoy sex (almost) whenever and wherever they want, without the relatives having any say. Religion is just an auxiliary force of worldly powers, acting as a repeater and amplifier, and finally providing the ultimate justification.

Even if you are a dermatologist, that is not enough. And your dermatologist wife screens you after that? That sounds like a lame excuse to me.

You can't expect anyone to take risks that you ruled out beforehand when you got married. You must therefore either inform your wife about your extramarital sexual activities or refrain from them. Tertium non datur.

 

Regarding sex of ANY type------if it feels GOOD----and you find it FULFILLING and ENJOYABLE----then ANY sex is NATURAL-regardless who your (adult) partners are; play it safe-weigh the pros and cons-and know that YOUR decision is YOURS-----and NO ONE else's----

 

-------no wonder sex therapists are raking in the $$$$$$$$$ (aka the "long green") these days; think of all the guys that pay out hefty $$$$$ to therapists to TRY to sort out their "odd" sexual desires; hey-if it turns you on-it is not ODD----it is YOUR personal preference----if it were "odd" you would not be finding it enjoyable!

 

Papa: An EXCELLENT post for certain! Long before yours truly knew ANYTHING about ANY sex (and certainly had not heard of a guy being "gay") I knew I was attracted (STRONGLY at that) to other boys and adult guys ONLY; as a teen (with no social life) I kept busy with hobbies and other like pursuits);it was not until I was about 20-when I first saw a gay publication at the newsstand------than I thought: "Hey-I can't be the ONLY guy who likes guys!" I worked-as you know-in a HUGE corporate workplace-----surrounded by HUNDREDS of guys each day (Eye candy? Hell yes!) But-after being so brutally bashed by a "friend" (also a co-worker) I worked with-just for saying I was gay (and I had NO designs at all on this guy) that pretty well killed any desire to try to "connect" with another guy-----I still carry the scars of that horrible day back in 1986 inside to this day------though no anti-gay slurs were hurled this guy's way at work-I heard enough to know that gays were hated and despised (watching LESBIAN porn-of course-was QUITE acceptable-as was bragging to your straight buds at all the ladies you were screwing without the wife knowing-----dang screwed up!) Bisexual guys were referred to as "half fags"----talk about ignorance! Anyway-as long as I can "take the situation into hand" (you know what this refers to!)-------I poccess NO desire to try to find ANY sex partner-nor platontic friend; without trust-there is no relationship possible----and I just find it beyond this fellow's scope to trust ANYONE------WHO is being honest? Who has a wife but pretends to be single? Who has STDs? Who is a "closet basher"? I------and NO ONE else-----chose the quiet and sedentry "lifestyle" I lead-------I will-without any hesitation-risk death to rescue another in distress----just don't ask yours truly to TRUST anyone-----this fellow has had his trust shattered and rock-solid friendship abused by platonic friends too often in the past-------the one best friend I so cherished-who I considered another brother (and who I COULD trust 100%) sadly passed due to cancer 14 years ago---I-----and ONLY I-----decide what I do or don't do------sure-it gets pretty lonely----and I DO get frustrated as hell-----BUT-again----I do what I wish------and this fellow is OK with that! In closing-I truly feel for today's young bisexual (and gay) teen boys who endure as they door-straight peer pressure courtesy of "friends" and fathers/brothers-etc---------------it's GOTTA be HELL for these kids in today's bigoted world-one where teen suicides are so often in the news------what a terrible waste of young lifes-----

 

HI, thanks for all the responses. I got interested late in life, with gay sex. I started watching gay sex videos out of curiosity, and found I enjoyed them. Soon, I wanted to participate. I joined a bi/gay site here in Canada so I could find willing partners, and started my journey. I now realize that there was a bi side in me for a long time. I was just so busy with life, marriage and kids that it did not come up. Now I have moved to an area of Ontario where that are fewer guys to chat with, and possibly meet with. I am really just wanting for find a clean, reliable partner for occasion man to man sex fun.
Is it a bad thing to have lust for both women and men? I lust women by their looks and men by their sexual discussions with me. A nice body really helps as well. I get excited thinking about being naked with a nice looking guy, someone who has a similar body to me and has similar interests, sexually, as me. I will often masturbate thinking about my male partner being behind me, entering me and us both getting sexually fulfilled. I have had maybe 1 or 2 encounters where this has been fulfilled, most encounters are fairly disappointing in the end.
Is there harm to me as a person, if I want to keep my marriage fulfilled, but also pursue sex with men, as long as it is clean, safe and no one gets hurt of diseases??

 

thepapasmurph's comment illustrates my point about how adults struggled with sexuality and how it begins when we're a mere slip of a lad and being shoved into heterosexuality and becoming confused because, let's face it, Rock Hudson and Troy Donahue were some good looking men and papa probably isn't the only guy who saw these men and became aroused, which just added to their confusion and of a kind that their soon-to-be adult minds were still unable to parse things out so that they could be comfortable with their desire and need to have sex with men as well as women.

Is it true that a lot of adult men try it and find that they like it? Hell, yeah, it is. I've watched grown-assed men go on "cock rampages" so they can suck all the dick they can or get as many dicks in their ass as they can and now they're wondering why they can't stop... not that they really want to but it brings up the "am I really gay" question because its very likely these guys are getting more sex from men than women... because getting it from men is relatively easier than getting it from a woman. Hell, I've been directly responsible for creating this quandary in, um, a whole lot of guys and there's a responsibility that I became aware of: You just do not toss a guy in and expect him to sink or swim. You tell them how this is going to change their life forever; you tell them what's good and bad about it; you tell them that a whole lot of people are not going to like you because of the way you like to have sex and then you suggest that they ignore these people lest their minds get even more cluttered with a lot of shit that's going to have to be parsed if they decide that after this first time, there will (or has to be) a next time.

It should begin when we're young but that's not what our society is geared toward. Even I used to think that if we were told that it was okay to have sex with boys, would I have had sex with boys? No idea but I found the question intriguing just the same. If I had been encouraged to explore sex and sexuality when I was young, er, um, would I have even bothered to? Another moot point. I got exposed to sex early in my life. Holy shit... who knew this sex thing could be so damned exciting? Maybe I was a "special case" because I wanted to know why it was so good and why the adults around me said it was bad, dirty, and nasty and in looking for the answers, I opened my own Pandora's Box and a Box that I haven't been able to close the lid to since because just when I think I've learned all there is to learn about being male and bisexual, I learn something else.

In my own experiences, if I introduced ten guys to the joys of getting some dick, eight of them would be off and running to get more dick, one of them would be kinda on the fence about it, and one guy would find it not to his liking at all... and no matter how old they were when I introduced them.

 

To your last question, I would say that as long as there's "no harm, no foul," no - there's no harm to you as a person because a lot of men find a way to do things this way and they're happy at home and with their lives as a whole. Some would say that you have to come clean to your wife even if it means losing everything which, duh, is pretty damned harmful, huh?

Not every encounter goes as planned or as expected; there isn't a one of us who have had sex with another man and have walked away from it wonder why we thought that getting busy with this guy was going to be a good thing or, worse, we limp away feeling used, abused, and uncared for which is the anthesis of what we thought having sex with a man would be like. The reality of this debunks all those romantic notions and teaches you some other important things and the important lesson that gets learned is... you either keep at having sex like this and learn how to gain pleasure from it... or you give it up. I don't know a guy who's been at this for a while - and this includes myself - who hasn't walked away from sex with a guy and have sworn that this time will be the last time - and it's meant this time... and you find yourself sucking a dick and grimacing at the pleasure/pain of a hard cock being stuffed into your backside; or you're watching a guy worshipping your dick and like it's never been done before and you're still amazed to see you cock protruding from a guy's backside and you're even kicking your own ass because you said that the last time would be the last time...

And, nope, like hell it was gonna be the last time. It doesn't matter how you lust for someone... as long as you're lusting for them and able to slake your lust upon them. It just continues to amuse me how men are being as selective about other men as women have always been known to be... and there's a message in here somewhere that I'm still working on deciphering...

 

Quite right! But because we didn't know or was being kept from finding out, that first time? Holy shit! I know that if I could have nutted on myself, I would have. I've had adults suck my dick for their first time and they've erupted all over themselves because... who fucking knew that sucking a guy's cock could be so fucking good?

Or to be horseplaying around and realize at some point that you're being aroused by all the grab-assing and wrassling... and you're not the only one... and one thing leads to another and... holy shit - really, who the fuck knew?

 

Life for gay/bisexual guys could be a great deal easier-if only to learn how to turn a deaf ear to all of the "PUB" (Pure Unadulterated Bullshit") courtesy of ignorant heterosexuals-religious zealots-bigots------ just enjoy life as YOU wish to enjoy it----with no bullshit labeling to deal with-or to care about------hell---go YOUR way and allow this fellow to do likewise-----screw the naysayers----bet if they experienced sex with another guy (say if they lost a bet and had to "get it on" with another guy) they'd find that it AIN'T the end of the world and it feels GREAT (that is-----if they were to be honest enough to say they LIKED it!)

 

You're right; you either learn to ignore the dumb shit or you don't, and you wind up allowing it to fuck up your life. You would think that an adult male, say, well into his 30's would not only know that the taboo and prohibition is bullshit but is also unwilling to listen to it so he can focus on finding out what it's like to have sex with a dude... and that's not always the case, it seems and more so when it prevents a guy from having that first time that's going to open his eyes and like he could never imagine before.

 

KDaddy------got that right for sure! Personally-I think that a guy who DOES poccess bi inclinations COULD indeed act out on these inclinations------BUT is TOO AFRAID of being "labeled"---too afraid of being thought of as "gay"------just enjoy sex with a guy or a gal-SCREW what people think-and-for God's sakes-just ENJOY your sex life-and just toss the frickin' "labels" into the trash where they belong!

 

Usually just too afraid of a lot of things. You do it that first time and, oh, my - again, who knew it could be so erotic and satisfying? You do it again and you learn some stuff about sex that no one is willing to teach you and out of their own fears; the more you do it, the more you want it until social norms start to catch up with you but if you have your head screwed on right, you acknowledge the norms... and keep right on being bisexual in both thought and deed since this is your life and you are responsible for your sexual pleasure and nobody gets to tell you how you can have sex.

But that first time. Whew. Mind-blowing and no matter if you're young or an adult. If you're young, you just learned something about sex your parents didn't want you to know about; if you're an old and grizzled adult, you just learned some truth about having sex that until now, you didn't believe in or only saw in porn or you know a guy who knows a guy who's a cocksucker. It stops being "theory" and puts you smack dab into the reality of things and who knew it could feel good when a guy busts a nut in your ass?

 

KDaddy: Yours truly has read quite a few accounts of "straight" guys relating their initial experiences with sex with another guy-particularly anal sex (either as the "fucker" or the "fuckee"); It's like afterwards: "Fuck-there just ain't no going back!"; they are usually blown away by what they experienced-and-now-are like: "WOW!" And-if the wife is no longer interested in sex-and the horny hubby also has other horny buddies that are also just looking to bust a good nut-----and who are also "ready to go up to bat""------well-----"PLAY BALL!"-buddy!