when u hit rock bottom..

whatever .. at the time of the post was made.. i was feelin shitty .. idk if u guys can relate when ur withdrawin bad and sometime death doesn't seem so bad compared to the shitty feelin.... just thinkin of stupid shit to do to try n get pills one way or another.. (uea i need help, i alreddy know that)

but for the people who arne't trying to help, coming in here, talkin shit bout how my feelins are nothing compared 2 what rock bottom is and tryin to give a textbook definition with no back up or negative experience like this,,

have any of u guys drove 130 down a 40 mph road in hopes osmoene pulled out in front of ? realizing how shitty the past few years and how shitty and pathetic ur life has turned out to be because of the addiction.. money spent, hours and hous and hours, weight lost, appetitie changed, mood swings, social disfunction. how many friends u lost, people losin trust and not lovin u . . people talkin so much shit, ex friends talkin shit, spreadin rumors , losin ur job, fuckin depressed all the time.. wishin u fucking relapsed with leukemia because maybe in 1 outta 1,000 chance the docs might give u shit?!?!?! well ??!?! ... THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP IF YOU HAVENT felt my pain , .fucking people that come into here tryin to correct your post flaming u without readin the whole thread, when in reality in their own perfect world, they know it'd never be as shitty.. well i'm happy for u guys too

and
i restated it was mad low but maybe 'NOT rock bottom exactly..but damn fucking near it for me, but still ignorant people come in here dude thats not rock bottom.. dude u don't know anything.. blah blah blah .. .. sayin u don't even shoot up .. well if i did , i'd spend 20 on a bag and feel good because i got no tolerance for diesl.. but no i'm spendin 100-200 a day habit on roxys and opanas .. and u think shootin up is worst??? .. anyways . lookin back this was a retarded thread .. some truth in it but obviously people can't be serious so i might as well stop respondin after this.. just posted it so people can feel what i'm feelin but guess it won't work


thanks to the serious posters i read ur stuff.. i've thought bout conselling and suboxone


and no i haven't done anything gay for pills.. that's another thing i would never do .. rather go attempt an armed robbery (has come close.. havent hit up gas stations but other shit which i wont imcriminate) then do something homo like suck dick .. no offence to the gay people here

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1iR2Wi3u5o&feature=related"]AC/DC - Its A Long Way To The Top If Ya Wanna Rock And Roll - YouTube

 

Ill wont get into the whole deal- but my bottom was a 4 1/2 month bid on Rikers back in the old days- I had just gotten back from se asia, got busted copping heroin in the Bronx- Under the old Rockefeller laws it could have been a lot worse. A kind judge took pity on me (as he told me that he was a WW2 vet)- He recommended that I find a methadone klinic before ny address changed to Attica.
Im still on it- all these yrs later- & at this point OK with it

Bottom line is every one,s bottom is different- least you realize that your there-or very fuckin close* You still have a lot of livin to do-**
Follow up on the counseling and look into subs(which werent even invented back in my day)
with respect
jack

 

You said you owe dealers $300.

I'd pay them off before I'd pay the bank account off...

 

Buprenorphine has been around since at least the mid seventies, but it's true, it's use under the brand name Suboxone was not. I believe it was used as a painkiller back then, in a few hundred ug amounts.

Anyway the reason I said anything is because I know people who have had sex for opiates, and they were nowhere near as broke and helpless as I had been. Coming in with text book definitions of rock bottom is rediculous, but the title of the thread has inspired that kind of sanctimonious behavior.

I will say that even though I am gay, I would never have done something like to make withdrawal go away because it is very disgusting in my eyes, but not everyone feels that it is so low. I also wouldn't have sex with any boy that I wasn't in love with, but to many people that is a non issue.

It sucks what your going through OP but it was bound to happen, right? And now that the high is beginning to be less desireable than the need for stability and honesty, hopefully you will start taking steps in the right direction. Although I am on suboxone and have been for 8 months, I am no advocate of abstinence and I no longer can make myself attend AA or NA meetings because everything about their approach and philosophy disagrees with me to the core. If you are able to get on suboxone or methadone, you can still get high every once in awhile, if abstience is not conceivable to you, and if it's what you want, then you can get on suboxone to remove yourself from that which is controlling you and the lifestyle that comes with it for a long enough time to break free and then consider stepping off the suboxone. If you want out entirely then as also suggested, go into rehab.

When it came time for me, I had all the excuses in the world, "I can't go to rehab, I have 2 kids to feed, I've been working as manager for 8 years I can't just up and leave for 20 - 30 days, who will pay my rent, who will take my daughter to preschool?" etc. So this is why I went on suboxone instead. When it comes to life or death, sometimes rehab is the only option, and your house, your family, your bills etc will just have to wait. It's just how it is. Very often I find that opiate addiction is the front for some much deeper psychological issues, and meditation is the best for this when done properly, and for those incapable of discovering their own truths, a doctor can help break into that which is being covered up with drugs. Until you know why you hurt so much, you can never fix it, and all the suboxone, methadone, and rehab in the world is a waste of time and money.

 

Oh and MikeVicc, try not to take to heart what people say here, remember that this is online, people who have not truly suffered enough often are incapable of empathy especially through the internet and will post lightly without considering how you may feel. There are plenty of us who do know exactly how you feel, some have had it worse, some have been lucky and got out before they lost everything. But don't let a minor offence be a reason to stop posting in your own thread. There are people who care. Even a gay person

 

Some of us have been through a lot worse... for a lot longer and for reasons that weren't of our own making as well as some that were.

YOU have a problem... get angry and scream at anyone you want and blame the whole world if you wish... Until YOU decide you want to fix this, you will have this problem.

Not a damn thing anyone says to you on here is going to change your situation, although some will gladly sympathize with you and try to give you advice... which you will then turn around and use as an excuse to continue to avoid dealing with YOUR problem.

But hey... I don't expect this all to mean much to you, at least not until you have come out the other side of this...

As for those who have hit rock bottom and are telling you that you haven't yet... it doesn't matter where that bottom is... it is the same for everyone. It is when YOU realize that YOU are responsible for all of this, and that YOU are the only one who can fix it, and that if you don't, you will die, alone and miserable.

Recognizing that, and realizing just how hard it is going to be, not just to kick the addiciton, but also to rebuild personal and professional relationships that you have destroyed and accepting it as an immediate necessity, is the first step up from rock bottom.

As for how I know (beyond a doubt) that you haven't (or at least when you made your first post) hit rock bottom, is because of your very own words;

Those are the words of someone who is still on the downward slope...

 

Mikevicc like jack said rock bottom can be different for everyone. You just got to make a decision if your ready to do something about it or not? I feel your pain bro I've been their and know it sucks. Atleast look into suboxone please no harm in just looking. Check out the site addiction survivors it's got a forum just for bupe and maybe you'll find some answers their? Maybe you can ask your family for support I don't no your family but I feel your pain and Ill say a prayer for you bro.

Check that site out, can't hurt to look.

 

Interesting , I didnt know that- - Its not surprizing that Big Pharma didnt even give heroin addicts a second thought- -They must of figured - let them go to thier klinics, and deal with it-

 

I just don't get why people take opiates in the first place... a psychologically addictive drug isn't the best thing in the first place(but fuck it), but when there's a chemical addiction on top of that it just makes no fucking sense to me as to why you'd want to take it, no matter how good the high is.
The whole section of Hip dedicated to opiates just has a really shitty vibe, full of moping and shit like that.

Full support for quitting, I wish anyone trying to do so the best of luck - but you're fucking stupid.

Here's the link for that Addiction Survivors SirItchAlot mentioned anyway, I have no idea myself but it seems it could be a lot more helpful than Hip.
http://www.addictionsurvivors.org/

 

Some of the most intelligent people I know have or had opiate addiction problems.

Some of the worlds greatest artistic works, contemporary and classical, have been created by opiate addicts, such as Thomas De Quincey (author of Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, who would inspire some of Charles Dickens [also an opiate addict] novel The Old Curiosity Shop, and discourse on symbolism and the interpretation of dreams 25 years before Sigmund Freud [also an opiate addict, turning to Morphine after his affair with cocaine] who, by the way, all but neglected the importance of symbolism for the first few printigs of his early major work The Interpretation of Dreams), Samuel Taylor Coleridge (a poet and contemporary of De Quincey who with William Wordsworth would usher in the Romantic Age in English literature), Edgar Allen Poe, and many more modern authors, all of whom were aware of the dangers of addiction (however, during the 19th century they were not fully aware of the physical dangers).

Then of course you have the countless musicians who have produced some of the worlds most popular music, John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Ray Charles, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Hank Williams, etc.

Opiate addiction will consume anyone no matter how bright or dull a person may be. It also attracts a certain breed, as intelligence during youth often lends itself to the formation of philosophies which bring about existential crises and nervous anxiety that lingers long enough to eat away at a persons will power, judgement, and eventually the desire to live. When someone goes about their business for a few years unable to swallow the pretentiousness and hypocricy intrinsic to the efforts on the part of human nature and learn how to accept it without having a sense of purpose, the things that most people find important such as health begin to appear as absurd. When you add stress to this, caused by friction with contrasting the lifestyle our culture practically forces on us, even intelligent people begin to fold and stop caring.

Opiate addiction more often then not is just a side effect of a much deeper illness that takes root in the heart of peoples entire being. Judging someone by a lifestyle choice that may have been made in desperation and hopelessness and spiralled out of control is ignorance. Nobody is perfect and we should always take into account somebodys history of suffering before we assume them to be unintelligent.

Also, bear in mind that some of those in our generation became addicted to opiates through painkillers by experimenting in early youth, and with a society such as our which demonizes and grossly misinforms it's population about not only the effects of chemicals but also of the essential properties of them, ignorance tends to reign supreme in pre-teen and teen drug circles and so someone who takes a few Percocets at 12 years old for fun may end up taking high doses of OxyContin to cope with the insecurity of nervousness that accompanies young adulthood, especially at a time when depression, nihilist philosophies and mass marketed pharmaceutical influence are allowed to run rampant.

 

It sounds like you are now an addict. I lived like that for years until I did some stupid shit that put me in jeopardy of losing everything that was important to me. I came across a suboxone doc, and decided to go that route. It was the best thing I ever did! I am on the taper program, and taking them the way they are precribed. It's a wonderful thing. I don't have the cravings, or withdrawls, or engaging in illegal activity. I am also going to NA meetings. I would recommend you get on the suboxone program. Good Luck Hon!!

 

" You Need To Work On You Before You Can Work On Anything Else You Have Done "

 

Well, I didn't mean the person was completely stupid, I just failed to see why they'd take them in the first place - assuming that they just wanted to get fucked up. I didn't even think about the depression beforehand, so touché.
There are however, better ways of going about things. You mentioned ignorance. What about the opiate users ignorance to those around him/her? The ignorance towards those who love them, family..friends etc. I have seen families ripped to shreds because of them and it's not the prettiest of things to grow up with, because unlike the opiate user who's problems eventually end, the problems and heartache they cause live on.
For the amount of money that you can spend on opiates, you could get psychiatric help and spare the people that you supposedly "love" a FUCKLOAD of misery.
Even if you never reach that point of addiction, is it really worth it?

As for the artists, musicians, writers, psychologists etc... Just because they were brilliant and used opiates, doesn't mean they were brilliant because they used opiates.
Think how many more great works they would have written, composed, painted if they hadn't had the addiction, or if they'd chomped a different drug.

Yes, the world can be more than a depressing, shit hole of an abyss. It can also be a place of infinite beauty. Instead of just giving up, or lingering on the negative thought in the first place(you know, the one that slowly eats away at your will power?), fight it or attempt to fight it. Give yourself a purpose. A positive way of thinking.

Society has become too human. Get some spirit.

I know that I've jumped into the deep end here, I've only just realised that I've basically insulted a shitload of peoples lifestyles and choices - and I could end up being crucified, but let's see.

 

No crucifixion necessary, I elaborated on certain points because you stated in the same post that you could not understand how this happens to people and then proceeded to insult their intelligence. As an opiate addict currently trying to become healthy, I assure you that I take no offence and my post was only written with the intention of shedding some light on a commonly misunderstood condition.

When it comes to an opiate addicts neglect of friends and family in order to keep from getting sick, I can only say that this is not always as it seems. I’ve experienced people who truly seem to have no regard for the emotional and physical well being of their loved ones, including an old friend of mine who had his children taken away, 3 months after he had gotten into a Methadone clinic program. I can only speak from my own experience, and although my addiction had gotten to the point where my tolerance levels requirements demanded obscene amounts, I've never stolen or subjected my family to any danger, but I have lied and caused emotional damage and as a hyper sensitive person, I suffered tremendously with every mistruth I spoke or situation I involved myself in without bringing it to anyones attention. Bear in mind that opiate addiction comes to put people into a state of mind during withdrawal where they will behave in a way that is as if they were being physically controlled in order to stop the assault on the senses.

Not everybody is as well equipped to handle stress and misfortune adequately, and depending on the extent of suffering, many people cannot see the bright side of life at all. When this is perpetuated by continual misfortune (or, in the case of an opiate addict, perpetual self-inflicted suffering), the doctors influence, selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, benzodiazepines, counseling, psychedelic experiences, even love in all of its glorious manifestations may not be enough to uproot the psychic disease that leads to self destructive tendencies. Some people simply cannot be reached, and some people need to blossom the hard way.

It’s just not all so black and white as it may appear to an outsider, which applies to any lifestyle. Much of my 8 years of opiate dependence had to do with my struggles over my sexuality; being a father of two at 26 years old and having to finally confront my children mother with the reality of my being gay was possibly the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life, with the exception of some unjust prison experience and homeless wanderings around this country as a teenager. Now that I’ve come out to everyone, friends and family, I’ve been able to begin to move towards freedom from my addiction. I’ve struggled with this since I was 12 years old and had been considering suicide for 14 years, and I am someone with direct ecstatic mystical experience who has been as close to God as it gets. Once you are taken over by opiates, everything turns bleak and hopeless, until as I’ve said, the root of your actual suffering is brought to the surface. For some people it’s not so basic an aspect of their nature as sexuality, it is something very obscure and buried beneath mountains of self constructed illusions.

 

When we flood our systems with exogenous (outside) opiates, our bodies recognize that we have plenty on board and ceases to manufacture our own natural endorphins. This results in feeling extremely ill when withdrawing from opiates. wE experience depression, irritability, exhaustion, anger, sleeplessness, hopelessness, etc. This happens to all opiate abusers when they cease taking opiates and is to be expected.
Some ., especially those with short term addiction histories, will be able, after a few weeks or months of abstinence, to get their natural endorphins back into good working order again, and will begin to gradually improve.

It gets way more complicated for long term opiate abusers- believe me

 

I didn't insult anyones intellect, or at least didn't mean to. I was giving my opinion on an action that seems to cause more harm than good to an individual - but you pointed out that self destruction, for a few people, is a great escape from it all.

I still think the majority of addicts in the world just wanted to get fucked the first time they tried it and then got trapped in a vicious circle..
But I obviously don't fully understand the mentality behind it all so I'll drop out of this now.

That must have been harsh though Magic, and I've definitely gained some respect for you.

Good luck with giving up man, I wish you and anyone else the best.

 

Thank you And I don't mean at all to give an intellectual bent to excuse opiate addiction, whether one is a genius or a retard, an addict is what they are an no amount of self celebration justifies the behavior. I just try to make the point that things are never black and white and there are myriad causes from which opiate addicts were initially lured by that sirens call.

I do maintain that it is often the case that we are at first seeking to get high, which is innocent in itself of course. But many addicts (in my own experience involve two lifelong friends, one dead and another will be homeless by the end of this month if something doesn't change very fast) are set on this path by the pharmaceutical agenda or by honest injuries and are forced into an addiction they never wished for in the first place, and so let's bear them in mind as well.

 

Thank you magic rock for taking up the cause of defending opioid users from being lumped into the category of losers. I usually have to single-handedly fight for the cause, but I am exhausted by having to do so. Good to have another person who can lay down logical arguments for why opioid use does not imply unintelligence.

 

No problem friend! I deal with this on an almost daily basis, and the fact is that it just isn't objectively true. Medicine is medicine and this plant is a very powerful one, and although it is abused often by many who are incapable of sensitivty and respect, they should in no way figure as representitives of all who approach it for healing.