When is it over? One cheating incident or 2 or 3 or it's all ok?

I've had 2 marriages where each one had cheated on me. When I got wind I verified it and it was, "good by mother fucker" and I do not care what the reason was. Both came crying back. They said I was a wonderful husband. One I wound up fucking several times and all she did was cry and beg. I said I will fuck you when ever but we are toast on anything further.

The other was so horrific that I refused sex with her even when she offered a threesome FFM. A few years later I had lunch with her on 2 separate occasions. I asked her why she did it. She said I wanted to see how long I could fool you. I said you didn't fool me I just trusted you more that you deserved to be trusted. At both lunches she suggested a motel room. I refused her on both requests.

 

Not caring the reason can lead to harsh punishment that may not be deserved. One fuck up can always be forgiven provided there is remorse over it. If the affair was due to blatant disregard for the relationship, as the one who wanted to see how long she could fool you, I agree, move on. But if the SO was coerced, curious, needing a confirmation, or just plain ignorant and fell into a tryst without thinking about the ramifications then there might be room to forgive and forget. I submit, as what happened to myself, a one time affair that came with regret following is a mistake in judgement can be worked out. Had I not reacted the way I did and lashed out banning my spouse from further association in my life I would have missed out on a plethora amount of great times with her. Times that continue to be wonderful to this day. But continued failings leaves a lot of room for doubt about the sincerity of the relationship.

 

You cheat once and you're done. I don't play that game. No amount of excuses will change my mind.

 

In a situation where one strays one time may be overlooked. I feel that one needs to take into consideration many other factors that are present in their daily lives. In general how compatible are you? How strong are the other links in the chain? In both my situations I never wanted to get married. I knew this from childhood. For me living with a friend would be all that I would need. Thats what I have now even though we are married. We are best friends and friends don't hurt each other.

But those first two they began wedding planning without us first discussing it and I knew they would not work. But I thought this will be an interesting experience so I will just go along with it. And sure enough they did not. In my opinion each human needs specific experiences to more deeply understand themselves even if it takes a bit of turmoil. But once you do life becomes clearer and its all good.

I have friends who have stayed in a sexless marriage for 30 years and hate each other but they stay locked in because of their religion. For me life is living a seamless experience to experience and there is never a reason to remain under water when all you need to do pick up your head and breathe.

 

Sorry, but a lot of self righteousness here.
"No excuse or reason can justify it".
Really? Wow. You must be awesome. And also completely blind to the fact the other partner has fault. If not most of the fault.
You ever married someone and about 7 years into it, and two kids later your partner just drops out?
And 15 years later (now married 22 years) and you haven't had sex for over 10 years? She just has no interest whatsoever.
You go togeter to not one, or two.... but three different counselors and she dumps all three. Then she goes to a therapist, all they do is pump her with anti-depressants that actually make it worse.
Your kids go to college, leaving just the two of you and all your wife does is go upstairs and watch Entertainment tonight, and American Idol etc. - gives you not one moment of her time?
No? That hasn't happened to you?
Then STFU.
That was me. Yes I cheated.
We got married in 1987. Everything was pretty good for the first 7-8 years. I don't know what happened, she just dropped out.
I remained faithful until the year 2000. At that time we had not had sex in about 5 years. Desperate for attention, I gave into temptation and had sex once with someone I wasn't even interested in.
I told my wife. We went to the third counselor by that time, things were better for a couple years and she just kept slowly drifting away. Clearly in depression, but refused to do anything about it. She would quit counseling/therapist after 3 or 4 sessions. So I lasted, and stayed another 12 years. And was faithful the whole time. No fucking sex. You get that? None. And I stayed faithful bitches.
But after the kids were gone I had no life. No one to be with. I left and moved into an apartment for about 6 months. Came back, don't know why. And a year later I met someone by accident, wasn't looking for anyone.. just met her. And this woman is fucking awesome. I wasn't just existing anymore.
I divorced, and married her. We have been married for going on 6 years. I cannot tell you how happier I am. Someone likes me. Wants to be with ME.. is proud of me.

Until you have been there - don't make empty claims and unreasonable "there is no reason" - you don't have a freaking clue what you are talking about.

 

iamjustme I understand your pain. Now you know you made a mistake but at least you get a few happy years. I have always felt very strongly that the decision to live in the same home with someone has to do with liking the day to day atmosphere that you both project.

I never wanted kids but I know droves of sexless married couples that stayed together because of the kids. The kids grow up withy a skewed view of how marriages work. My kid who was a trick by his mom is successful I guess and I split when he was learning to walk. I knew staying would have driven me crazy.

My life is my experience I will live it as I wish. Life is too long to be unhappy. Sex is very important to me and some women actually like it too. Create an atmosphere that is compatible with what you enjoy.

 

Good 4 u
For not putting up with them. Most men take them.back out of fear of being alone. But not even banging them would have really hit them back even harder. Cuz ur really fuckin them by not fuckin them. Lol

 

One and done, no two ways about it!!! No excuse is good enough because you violated my trust. If you're doing this behind my back, what else are you doing behind my back??!!

 

Exactly how I feel. I actually had a gf that told me upfront she would fuck other guys, I was surprised that it didn't bother me, but also turned me on, so part of why I broke with her is she gave me an excuse why we couldn't get together for an event, found out later she planned on going on a date and fucking, it's the sneaking around that gets to me. The other reason was, she went pscho on me at a public function.

 

You hit the nail on the head. The thing that causes me to split after only one cheating incident is the fact of deception and untruthfulness. Sex is sex, we have sex organs to be used, daily if you want to, with whomever you want to, several people at a time if you want to. BUT don't fucking lie to me. The relationship is over.