When did you know?

I know a lot of you probably knew straight away, but many like myself have not. I mean to say when did you know you were in the wrong body? I knew when I tried on my moms lingerie and her shoes and never felt more beautiful, started painting my nails and toes, shaving when I got a little older. Started buying thongs when I had my own money, then toys because the hair brush wasn’t doing it right. Just curious on your stories, I’m also a no op woman

 

That totally makes sense, like I did repress for a lot of years and went back and forth with it until I said fuck it, walked into a Victoria’s Secret and bought a whole bunch of thongs. I decided right there and then, I was going to be who I am. Then decided to get a pedicure for the first time and loved being who I am ever since

 

Being a kid in the seventies I didn't. I just thought it was something that I did. I had liberated a skirt from a rag bag and hid it in the barn. I would go out in the trees and wear it and hang out there and up through the pasture. Made sure to never get caught. Mom did catch me wearing my sister's jeans to school one time though. I always wanted to have long hair but my folks weren't having that. There were other things too. Once I got internet then I started to learn more.

 

I knew in some form since I was five. The issue was that I didn't have the language to articulate my feelings to anyone--not even myself. I knew I wanted to be a girl, but I didn't know what that could possibly mean. I knew I got along better with other girls and was much more interested in playing with them than with boys. I knew I was jealous of grown women and their bodies, and felt a profound sadness when I realized I would grow into a man. But it was the mid-80s and terms like "gender identity" or "transgender" or "gender dysphoria" weren't in my vocabulary. It wasn't something you'd see on TV or hear discussed in school or, God forbid, by your parents. While trans people have existed throughout human history, the concept of being transgender wasn't common enough to be understood my most people--certainly not by school-aged children stuffing their teddy bears down their pants in order to create the illusion of hips, and then crying at the realization that real hips would never happen.

I even cursed God for putting me in the wrong body.

As a child, I knew I wanted to be a girl, but it took into adulthood to understood that I actually was and needed to correct my body to reflect that. That stuff wasn't understood. It was a different time. Truthfully, I wish I was born about 25 years later. I still mourn the girlhood I never had and don't have the luxury of gazing adoringly back at the past the way most people do.