What's the drunkest thing you've said?

"i am afraid of the average black man."

"there are some parts of life, like this conversation right now, that i DONT enjoy"

okay okay this doesnt count but one time i was rolling and some IMPORTANT DUDE was in my friends dorm room and i was on his bed nad while my friend was talking to the IMPORTANT DUDE i was like "hey can you hand me my bag of weed" and my friend stares at me and then hands me the 1/2 o bag. thankfully the IMPORTANT DUDE either didnt notice or didnt care, phew!!

 

So like what was he?

 

important dude must sell you crack

 

'i need to throw up'

then proceeded to throw up on my mom

 

On your mom? Haha how did that station come about?

 

i drank too many wine coolers too fast and when i went to complain about it i just threw up on her.

she got kind of mad and was like taylor go into the bathroom now!! haha

 

Hahaha. You were drinking with your mom? Or what in your room? You're leaving out details!

 

Okay this story isn't me but I was in the room while it happened.

Me and my friend had liquor and wanted to drink but couldn't find anywere. He says "we'll go to my house". I said "fuck that your parents are home". He said "No, there in Las Vegas for 2 weeks" (It turns out he was lying but....Oh well you'll find out".

So I say "fuck yeah man lets go to your house, get drunk and jamaican hotbox the bathroom since no ones home".

We get to his house and get drunk and smoke our weed. Then at about 3 o clock in the morning he was passed out and I was wide awake playing ps3 because I got addicted to it while I was there. All of a sudden I hear a car door slam and footsteps.

I thought "OH SHIT his parents are home and those shot glasses and liquor are in the kitchen". But I didn't have time to hide them so I turned the tv off and pretended to be asleep.

Then I hear a weird noise like something is splashing on the ground and then I heard some weird stomach noises. I could hardly see but I could tell my friend was throwing up in his sleep.

The door opens and I hear "you smell that?" His dad was drunk as fuck but I think his mom was sober. They come in the room turn on the lights and I was laying on the couch with my head face down in a pillow and I bursted out laughing because I knew how much trouble he was gonna get in.

His dad goes "holy fuck!" there was quite a bit of puke. His dad starts shaking and yelling at my friend to get up. He wakes up and he looked all drunk and started puking again. His dad was screaming at the top of his lungs, and his mom was holding him as he was trying to walk to the bathroom.

At this point I was laughing so hard I pissed my pants, not a lot though, I was able to stop myself after a second. I was still mad at myself for doing it though.

I look over my shoulder and I'm trying to stop laughing but I couldn't, it was funny because it was like his parents didn't even notice me because they were so mad at him.

My friend is standing in the bathroom with his hands under his mouth and he was gagging and then he puked more all in his hands and his dad yelled "move your hands and puke in the fucking toilet"

He was laying besided the toilet puking a shitload and his dad was screaming and his mom was holding his dad off because he wanted to kill him.

When it was all over we went into his room and I said "Yo I pissed my pants man" and he threw me one of his pairs.

Then his parents came in and sat us down and said "Ok guys, were you drinking?" My friend says "No we werent". It's funny because he has NEVER addmitted to doing anything wrong even though he's been caught red handed.

His dad shows us our bottle and yells "Were you fucking drinking! Answer wrong and your out of the house, I'll give you guys 2 minutes to decide your answer".

I couldn't believe he gave us time to think about what to say. I said to my him "I thought your parents were in las vegas you idiot" and he said "Sorry man but I wanted to drink and you wouldnt drink here unless I said my parents weren't here".

I said "well once we were drunk enough couldn't you have just told me the truth?" He says "well I got so drunk that I actually believed that they were in las vegas"

I couldn't believe he said that. When his parents came back in they asked us again "were you guys drinking?" He says "Mom I told you already no!"

His dad yells "Thats IT!" and he ktold m to leave the house. My buddy probably got the shit kicked out of him and I felt terrible, part of me wanted to run in that house and beat his dad up because I knew thats what was happening.

The first time I told that story to my friends they all gave my friend who it happened to a standing ovation for being that dumb.

HOLY SHIT that was longer than I thought.

 

station> situation

 

"I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you." - Stoned Away

 

i drink with my dad all the time in the caribbean.

hell, i have myspace pictures of me drinking with my dad.

haha i make him act like my date and tell him to order all this shit for me. i just sit at the table (everything is outside there) with my shades on and don't talk to the waiters or anything... fanfuckingtastic haha

 

"I'm fine to drive!"

^^ That one is definitely right up there. Oy.

 

i wasn't drinking with my mom, i was drinking her shit but there wasn't really anything she could do to stop me lol.

 

one time i had about 15 shots (i only weigh 130) and i told my friend that the free will set him truth. then i puked lol

 

Alcohol sure does strange things.

 

"I am the inhaler"

 

well...... this is more of a funny story. a couple of months after moving in with my dad (I think I was 18 at the time).. I came home reaaaaaallly drunk one night, and was too scared to go in the front door. it was like 3 in the morning or so. so I go to my window, stand on a plastic chair, and take out my air conditioner. I planned on putting it down on the ground I guess ? and just going through the window.

Well anyway I drop the air conditioner, it completely smashes.. I go in my window, pretty much fall on the ground and knock a bunch of shit over. My dad comes in my room and is like "Priss? is that you?"... apparently in the most innocent voice ever I say "Hi daddy".. he's like, "Why is your window open and where is your air conditioner?"

I was just like "oh daddy, bye".. and he was like "Was someone trying to break in?" and I said "oh daddy, you worry too much"

I guess he realized I was drunk and like left me alone after that. I woke up in the morning looked at my window and was like oh shit......

My dad and sisters made fun of me for like a week after that. my dad didn't understand why I didn't just use my key and come in the front door... then a couple days later my dad said something along the lines of "just so you know, I don't care. you're an adult, I can't really tell you what to do anymore"

I wonder if he knows the drinking age is 21? lol

downside of all this is that I don't have an air conditioner anymore. and now it's getting hot out again, uggggh

 

"I sware, I usually never kiss boys"

 

^^^ lol!

you stories always entertain me priss

 

I rarely say incoherent stuff while drunk... But man I have said somethings that only I need to know.