Hi everyone, I am bi 28 y.o male, I consider myself more str8 and I do have a thing for women, I'm in a long-term relationship with one. Also, I’ve met a gay guy and I developed feelings for him, we do have sex and even an emotional relationship. Because my fiance doesn't approve of anything more than a suck buddy, I need to break relations with him and want to keep him as a friend. But he admits that he loves me too much to be just friends, and I'm fighting with myself because I feel like 80% is str8 but there's this amazing feeling hard to describe I feel when with him. Might I develop a being more into guys now? We did things together that I have never done with any other guy, we kissed, we did everything in bed, and he's a great guy, I never want to lose. I'm afraid that bisexuality has made two people I love suffer, and It's killing me. I’ve got the acceptance, he said that it's okay to have a relationship with both genders, and always saying I love you. I used to say the same and now I can't. I asked can we keep our distance for a while, but I constantly think about him. Also, I feel bad after having sex with him, I feel guilty and shame. This situation is very hard for me, I don't accept myself as bisexual but I admit that I am. Also, I am very afraid about it t what people will say if they ever going to find out. I'm surrendered by conservative people and in a very masculine world of heteros. I guess I want to have a family, but last time I almost break up with my fiancee, he was there for me, was supportive, and kind of kept us together. Never tried to get between us and later said it's too painful for him to not have me as a partner in some way he wants to work out. I don't know what move should I do, I am not very happy in my relationship, but afraid to finish it and I don't want to lose my best friend and I guess someone way more than just a friend. It's very complicated to be bisexual for me, I always had just a fun* buddy, but never develop this feeling. Was someone in this situation? Did Do you guys go from bi to gay or str8? Please advise me. I don't want to hurt them anymore and one thing on my mind is to stick to my fiancee, but I can't let him go too.
Oh, man - my young friend - this is so loaded, and I am having flashbacks to my younger days when I was torn apart by my sexual attractions to men while I felt the world around me was telling me to be straight, get married, have kids, etc. I chose to marry a woman. I hid my attractions from her. I thought being married and having regular sex with her would cure my attractions for men - I raised my family. I did all the right things. But, in my 50s, I hit a brick wall while tied to the front of a runaway freight train. I can't begin to tell you what to do here - because first of all - you need to be true to yourself. My hints are - that your fiancé, at least, knows you have a thing for guys, because you indicated she was OK with you having a "suck buddy" but nothing more. that's good - that tells me that the door is open. I advise you to be honest with her, and with him, and tell them both you are struggling with emotions you didn't expect. You cannot gie him up and you aren't ready to do that. I am 100% positive if you don't give yourself this, and you send him away, you will be sorry down the road, and all of this will come back to bite you at some point - with him or without him. She has the right to know the truth and make her own decisions about marriage to you. And it sounds like you are a lot more gay than you might be willing to admit, too. As far as the conservative world of heteros around you - OK... but this is your life - and you need to make decisions that are best for you - not for what they think of you when or if they find out you are bi or gay - Hurt comes with this - you can't avoid it - but things will get better. You owe this to yourself - and you are young enough to get through this in a way that works for everyone. I've never asked my wife if she wishes I had been honest with her ahead of our wedding what would she have done - it's a question that can't be answered now - but I have hurt her a lot by not being honest. And I have hurt myself by denying my true feelings about same sex attractions. I don't' regret having my children and grandchildren now - but I often wonder what it would have been like to accept myself and be partnered with a man instead... whatever the outcome for you - upfront - being honest now with everyone involved is how you get through this.
Pose the idea of a Threesome at least. Give it a go and see if you can all get together then later see if you all can talk it out. How would you feel watching her with him? Would you allow her to have someone on the side? The whole idea could be hot if everyone is into it or could go to shit if they are not. One thing is if the 3 of you get together for sex you are all together at your most vulnerable and might learn to respect or hate each other or you might find a way forward. It's a chance to have Hot sex and worst case you have to resolve this. You might move forward together or find a compromise. She might see what it is you have with him and be ok or it might bring one or both relationship s to an end. It's better than fucking it up in 5 years time after a lot of life lived, commitments made and time wasted.
I would stick with the fiance who is ok with you having a suck buddy! That is exceedingly rare to find a woman ok with this! Maybe not as rare with the current young generation, but still rare. Trust me, you will find plenty of other married bi guys to have as suck buddy's, especially since your fiance is ok with it. And they won't threaten your marriage. As an added bonus, these suck buddy's would most surely be interested in a bi mmf threesome with you and your fiance, if she's into it? Your gay friend would not be. The older you get, the more married guys will want to try bi things with you because of their wives not wanting sex anymore. Walk away from your gay male friend if you truly like women more, and love your fiance & are sexually attracted to her, and want kids.
This is the very reason why I broke things off with the two gay men I was involved with (separately) during my first marriage and discovered the joys of two guys getting together and sucking each other's cocks. Both of these gay men (very enjoyable men) acquired feelings for me and wanted a relationship. I was not interested in leaving my wife for another man. I could never (at that time) have an emotional relationship with a man, I was a closeted cock sucker. It was then that I decided to stick with other sexually deprived married men and boy oh boy I found so many in my area that like me, just wanted to get together to suck cock from time to time with no strings attached to then return home to our wives.
In reality, you're definitely not the first bi guy to have a gay man try to convince you to "switch teams." It's pretty common actually. He seems to be a bit jealous of your "straight" relationship with your fiance. Most gay guys wouldn't want anything too serious with a bi guy, but it seems like he's trying to convince you to flip to the"other side" full-time. Your best bet would probably be to let him go, and find yourself another like-minded bi guy who knows (and accepts) that you have a fiance who you love very much and that she isn't going anywhere
