What's Happening???

Fevers are good for dreams. vivid, intense.

If it's 5-10 people I don't mind having at home I have a good environment for it. nice and big and things to do at my place. Plus I'm already home which is good lol.

 

I don't know when I'll get to sleep.

My daughter turned on me again tonight because she wanted me to come out, after midnight, in my car with no tags, in the rain, stay with her son and let her go running off on some wild goose chase involving her estranged wife.

I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea. I reminded her that she wasn't suppose to have contact with her wife.

She told me that she didn't care - that this would be her one chance to get her wife back - and that if I didn't come stay with my grandson then she would leave him alone tonight.

Then she said never mind, that she'd call her meth-head friend, who she was just using the word "trash" for yesterday.

I waited 2 hours and then checked back on facebook messenger to find a message from my daughter telling me that she couldn't believe how I'd been throughout all this and thanks again for being there for her - that she couldn't believe how I was treating her.

I answered and told her that I was not going out in the middle of a rainy night in a car that needed repairs and tags, for her estanged wife. I said Sorry. I told her that she understood about my car yesterday when she came and picked me up so I could sit at her apartment and wait for her cable installer.

Jesus, Y'all.

She's losing her mind and sobriety over this; and I'm losing my daughter over it.

It's just awkward as shit because she's using my home address for my grandson to go to school and I have to see her every morning when she brings him here to catch the bus and every evening when she picks him up.

Yeah little girl...I'm a bad mother who ain't doing shit for you.

 

Sad.....



Cheers Glen.

 

I said what I had to say and left facebook.

I know she wanted to go on and on, but not me. I hate that shit.

She needs to get sober. I know she's drinking when she talks to me like that.

 

It'll be okay I feel when the heat dies down a bit. Basically a group of emotionally charged females. Nuff said. Well I hope I'm right. I think I am.

 

Was there a specific time, a specific moment in your relationship with your daughter that you can point to and say “that’s when I lost her”
“That’s when she turned to the darkside”

 

Don't say that, she hasn't lost her.

 

It's just a figure of speech

 

I'll have to think about that. I don't recall anything specific.

I would just say that she knows she drinks too much and she knows I've cautioned her about it since she was a teenager.

There's an alcoholic and addictive gene in my family and she'd like to deny that she has a problem.

Her brother was in denial about that until about 2 years ago.

She's lost so many relationships because she gets drunk and slaps or hits the other person.

Maybe she's secretly mad at me for inheriting the gene from my family.

Who knows what she and my son got from their father's side. He was adopted.

 

I suppose so, yeah.

 

I recall my last fever dream, the last epic one very good after 7 or 8yrs still. It was major intense I kept waking up and falling into it.

 

I hate my family

A bunch of two-faced game players

My Mum was the only girl amongst three brothers

This is why they don't respect me

I'm her son

They think I'm a soft touch that I don't see through them

My Mum and Dad are the only ones I care for and they're both dead

 

I've always had a good relationship with my immediate family, but it's different with my mums side of the family than it is with my dads side of the family. No bad blood we just don't see or talk to each other whereas my dads side is chill af. Hey, first time I ever used that in a sentence lol.

I have also known the folks who don't get along with their family so I don't look bad either way. When brothers and sisters grow up to hate each other, what's the trigger like what y'all do to each other you have to hate each other? Parents, I can see that, pains in the arses I mean, you were never asked to born, right? Who the hell are these assholes to push you around! But sibling hate I don't understand as much.

 

On a lighter note it's a beautiful morning and I feel pretty good. I'm going to have porridge. England is becoming like a Dicken's novel which is both good and bad. There's real poverty and hardship afoot. I'm all for that Victorian stiff upper lip though. As I've said before I'm a Conservative lefty which some people find hard to grasp.

 

I prefer not to label myself as anything and to be Frank I wouldn't even know where to start. If I sit here and even ponder that question I really couldn't tell you. What am I? I'm not even entirely sure I know what the differences are. I know communism is a Reds thing so whatever that is, I is not.

Social democratic.
Christian denocraric
The greens
FDP
The Alternative for Germany
The Pirate Party? Like that sounds fun but in all seriousness, no.
National Democrata?

The National Derros are skinhead punks for ultra nationalism and neo-nazi state which I don't like. The Alternatives also encourage nationalism and so forth but not a racial degree so that's probably more my thing except nationalism is kind of a racial thing anyway isn't it? If you think about it? Lol. I'm not a Green I mean I love what they're doing but it's not me. I'm not a lefty.

I'm more a Blue really. Well that makes sense, up the Mighty NSW Blues! Go you good thing!

Maybe I am a Blue? Not really because I don't have any opinion on euroscepticism either.

I couldn't tell you hey. There should be another party that just takes the good things from those parties and merges them into its own good party.

 

I'm pretty conflicted actually. But I'm trying to bring all the strands into a unified whole mind without internal contradiction. At present I'm largely just out for myself but I don't want to hurt anyone along the way.

 

The Palestinian girl invited me to visit her city (Jerusalem) and stay with her.
People are nice.

 

Think I may be in a bit of a pickle.

 

When you take something that is extended release and the pill is all jacked up, dont do what I did and take it anyway.