What's Happening?

I just get heartburn when I do that.

 

I think it's harder for our generation (I'm assuming you're around my age) to make friends.

I'm a socialable person, but I have been rejected a lot in my lifetime. So, I don't have the confidence or whatever you want to call it of a socialable person. I have that thing, in which when you're trying to talk, nothing comes out... because it feels like there is a hole in your throat, or you get tired easily, so you have to go to bathroom to take a "me break". Basicallty, I'm shy, but I'm also eager to socialize. I guess I'm the type of person that if I hadn't gotten rejected as often as I did, that I would have a ton of friends. I have friends, but I think I would have had more if I hadn't gotten rejected as often as I did. I certainly don't think I would be the type of person that only has a close set of friends. And I'm not.

To each their own, in terms of befriending. Some people don't need anyone, Some people just need a small group. Some people like to have a lot of friends.

Thanks for the advice. I know you're not picking on me. Lol! I've been given advice and I've been "given advice". There is a huge difference between the two. I like transparency. I like when people are upfront with me. I don't like when people are sneaky. Mainly, I don't like it because I can't be sneaky. Or at least I don't think I can. I can't "give advice" with underling resentment in it. All I can do is be resentful. I can't hide it in this nice little passive aggressive package. And because i can't do that, I feel like I lack as a human. So many people hide so much that always flutters to the surface in one or one too many backhanded compliments or gestures. And my ass has everything all over my body, not just my sleeve. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to learn the ability to be sneaky. It's horrible to have that happen to you, or see it happen to someone else. But, because so many people have this ability... it makes me feel less like a human. But, I don't want it. It's games, essentially. And I don't want to play game. I'm too tired, and I'll get bored.

I got my medication yesterday. I still was feeling out of it, but I feel better now. I just have a lot of thirst right now. My fingers are tingling. And I'm not hungry. But, things should get back to normal when my medication adjust. It takes a few day of taking my medication regularly for the partial seizures to stop completely. At least it wasn't a full on seizure. What I'm nervous about is having to tell my doctor about my partial seizures. I really don't want her to change or up my medication. But, she did say to tell her if I have any seizures. And if it gets really bad, go to the ER. I'm also nervous that she will pressure me to get the operation that I need. I'm not dying. Just slowly giving out or glitching. So, I didn't really need it.

I just feel heavy. I feel like I'm being folded into paper. And I have been contantly called out at work. Not called out in a bad way. More like, someone is talking to me and I'm off in space.

It will get better, though. I just started taking my medication yesterday. It needs time to adjust.

 

71117 same shit different day forward and back..

 

Stressed

Starting to see how it will be as my mom ages. Two siblings dont live nearby, one was recently diagnosed with a dehabilitating condition, so things will fall mostly on my shoulders. I don't mind, I just know it will be hard

Right now she isn't unhealthy though, just very very poor and living in a falling down house she can't sell because it would take 50k at least to bring it up to code. And she's getting too old to live there, its heated by a wood burning stove and she has to go outside and haul wood in and I just don't want her to have to do that at her age, so I'll go every couple of days and bring her wood in this winter. She should be in a place with central heat, I hate to see her struggle.

I know that's a few months away but my siblings have been talking about her situation a lot and its got me bummed, its hard to watch your parents get older. She can start drawing social security later this year but wanted to wait until next year to draw it. She started a new job a couple of weeks ago but walked out yesterday because she couldnt find a manager to help her and got stressed out at having to multitask - another sign shes getting older as shes always been very smart and capable. So now shes unemployed and I dunno what shes going to do for money until her social security kicks in, I dont have a lot of extra money. My brother does but he puts the rest of us siblings on a guilt trip about supporting her monetarily even though he's the only one who really can.

Shes stubborn too, I told her she can live with me and she said why would I do that.

Because your house is a cold and moldy shithole, mom.

Anyways I just needed to vent, thanks for listening guys. My siblings and i can vent to each other but it just makes us sad so what's the point.

 

well , at least you dont have a satan.. that had the audacity to tell my uncle that he should be living in senior housing..

 

You right. We all have our stuff to deal with. Hope your Satan issue gets better

 

That sucks. I really hope things fall into place soon. I tell myself that suffering is okay as long as I get a break inbetween. So, if I'm suffering for a few months, but a couple of months later everything falls into place, whatever place that is, good or bad... that... that is okay. As long as I get that break. People need breaks. Or at least I think they do.

And I love whenever I hear stories of family members allowing other family members to live together. I feel like a lot of people don't do that, especially men. Even having the offer laid on a table is flat out no. And I understand why. Two families or more can't live in the same house because that's not how our society works. But, still.. people need each other. Family needs each other.

If you don't mind me asking, what does your sibling have, as far as a medical condition? I like when share that kind of stuff. If you don't want to, that's fine.

 

Sister has company along with 3 young kids 10 to 15. I am guessing.

 

exactly what she did the last two houses.. one in already a lot and the other collapsing from the roof only the siding holding it up. shed like to destroy my house the same way . already caused tons of damage, splatters on newly painted walls, carpeting , tile ruined. but she is getting the hints more than ever ..

 

Cervical dystonia, its a condition where your neck muscles constantly contract involuntarily so your head is constantly turning to one side. Not like a tic, more like his head is pulled completely to the side and stuck there for a while then as soon as his muscles relax they contract again. He's doing fairly well with it but he can't drive or do his job anymore so that sucks. The only treatment is botox which he's tried and it didn't work. Well, that and marijuana is supposed to be effective. We dont live in a medical state though. I think he's going to try cbd oil and see if that does anything.

I agree about family, I like cultures where extended families live together. I wish it were more common in our culture

 

Oh gosh, that sounds horrible. My neck often feels like it's being pressed down due to my chari malformation. Hurts like a mother. Also, I used to tilt my head to the side when I was younger due to my hydrocephalus. So, I can only imagine how bad that much be like for your sibling.

I would totally give you my weed. It doesn't really help me, anyways. I keep telling myself that I will try a tincture. I heard those are really good. But, I haven't gotten around to it.

 

so this site is processing super slowly lately and i ran out of time to comment before. Went through similar things with some of my family. One couldnt get up to code for sure and sold at much lower than they were asking/needed, and another had passed on so the siblings (my elders) took care of selling the place. It was a lot of stress and sadness (i wanted that house. we all wanted to keep it in the family, but no one could avoid it\/move there so it was sold), ...but we get through it with each other.

yeah this is really slow and that post didnt say all i wanted to say...just, i know its rough nd i also think about my own folks, though i hope we still have a goodamount of years to go before thinkin about that. but you know, their siblings and stuff...wel, your situation sounds a bit more rough, but i know our family has suffered some too and a lot of times, flks wont even let on with whats going on so, i dont always know everything actually, one of my uncles isnt doing too good and i only remember meeting him once and we got along and this is kinda hard on me...i went throught this already with a cousin...or two. bleh! ok tmi, right? hehe for me, i mean.

 

The school board issue I've been following for 2 days was resolved tonight.

Whew!

Now, back to my regularly scheduled program.

 

I also have the tummy annoyance. =\
Not sure what this is from. Frozen pizza I'd say.
Fuck. I just can't do pizza anymore.

 

I just have to finish this one thing today, and then i am officially DONE.

And then a WELL DESERVED vacation, hopefully I'll get to leave on Friday morning.

Oh and happy birthday YFM.

 

why is everyone listening to Despacito

if you're going to listen to it, at least listen to this version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9LrEXF3USs


these guys even make jorts look okay

sorry, Shale

 

glad you got the joke xD

 

oh what to eat today

 

Belated congratulations with getting old YFM! :cheers2:

 

I'm glad I will be eating at my parents this evening because I have no inspiration either.