Whatever you want to do...

RE: Thanks for the post..

Hey, I'm trying to help

RE: when I say Im a goofy person and so forth and make jokes (there not the tyope i make here, that would be mean ) Im not sacrastic and sassy with him, im talking about just, oh lord this is embarrassing, but like pinch his cheeks and smile and not show that it frustrates me or anything...and sometimes he laughs and acts as though he might say hey lets do this...

Oh, I know completely what you're talking about. But if you've ever seen First Blood, and there's this scene right, and they go to shave Sylvester Stallone in the cop precinct, and like, he has this Nam flashback of when the little Chinese guy slashes his chest open with a razor in the POW camp and goes psycho.... bad attempt at humor --- all I'm saying is, I feel for you cause I believe you when you say you aren't like his ex. I'm not suggesting you tiptoe through life, but that if he can see his own thought processes he can get through life without thinking EVERYONE IS SECRETLY LIKE HER.

RE: I know he has a lot of baggage, his last girlfriend cheated and hurt him really really bad..and they were in a serious relationship..So, understand that causes some of the reasoning...

I really hope you can help the TWO of you out --- it sucks to have to deal with the stuff the previous girl did to the guy.

RE: And i really dont know how to approach talking to him about it cause I..im tied up in my words here, so Im lost for a second...

I understand. It's been hard for me to answer, too.

RE: Im not really trying to dig and try to find the basic reasoning cause I dont bring up anything about his past or anything thats for him to decide if he wants to talk about it or not..

Oh, sorry. I said that wrong, I guess. What I meant to say is no matter what you do he might think you're trying something on him. The sad part is you're probably being really sweet with him and he's subconsciously seeing cheese and wondering where the giant ass spring loaded neck-breaking guillotine thing is.

RE: I dont know, maybe Im reading to deep into this and should just maybe find out by things what he would like to do and do them and maybe he will come around...

Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But it's really cool that you're trying to deal with this.

 

I saw a tattoo flash the other day, it featured a dead rat in a trap, with its tongue sticking out of its rotting mouth - with a banner over the rat and trap saying "Nothing's Free". I just realised that the cynical bastard that I am was taking that to heart.

When men get hurt by someone they don't reach out, they ball up and retreat from the world. Problem is, life sucks if you spend it sitting inside a little fort. But I know from experience you can't dig someone out of an entrenched position. Keep us posted and best of luck.

 

I hate it because, what theyre doing is making you feel responsible for their fun, and how they feel, and one person cant do that for two people, its exhausting.

 

What's worse is listening to someone else constantly shoot down every suggestion you make.....

 

Thank you all for your replies and thanks Irongoth for giving me an honest view point and so forth..

We talked last night and we made some progress, he actually took the remote and watched what he wanted.. I know to some this is nothing, but to me it was a huge step(and that may sound corny to others but meh oh well )

Haha, but there is a new little problem...
He got offered this supervisor job and it will cause him to work alot and he told this to me I was estatic, I was so happy for him I wouldnt shut up the whole night for him.. He doesnt know if he wants to take it cause he says that we wont hardly see eachother (which thats crap cause we basically live together almost and he has weekends off like me) And I told him that thats okay, this is a one in a life time chance and you can not pass this up, you have to take it..you will regret it if you dont..
I could tell he wants it but thinks that we will maybe drift apart, which that wont happen cause well, it just wont at all.. I want him to take this job, this is something which doesnt happen very often..and he would be great at it and it could open so many windows for him..
bleh, now i am just rambling, okay Ill shut up now...

 

You have to stop feeling responsible for his wellbeing, thats up to him, and you have to stop feeling responsible for his good and bad decisions...

not that you should take my advice, its not like I'm in a good stable relationship anyway. haha

 

I hope he takes that job...it may be good for him. Superviors have to make decisions.
It will build his self-confidence. Having weekends off together is all some folks have....both my parents worked, but they had day jobs and weekends off.

 

RE: I could tell he wants it but thinks that we will maybe drift apart, which that wont happen cause well, it just wont at all.. I want him to take this job, this is something which doesnt happen very often..and he would be great at it and it could open so many windows for him..

Tell him you'll still be there, don't worry - and that it'll give you a chance for the absences to make the heart grow fonder. That you love him, you truly love him - and therefore want what's best for him. And not to worry - love can weather a bit of overtime.

Retro, BTW, has a point.

 

exactly..
it will be from 3 to midnight and I work 7am to 315.. and he thinks we'll never see eachother and thats not true, we have weekends and that shift wont be forever, I know he wants to take it, I really do.. he was excited but said he will miss me and Im like, pffft Im not that great

and its not that I feel responsible, its more of I want him to be able to know that Im not out to get him and dismiss his ideas..and want him to know we shouldnt do everything I want to do and such..
I feel sorta like a hypocrite with this cause I know I am not perfect and it makes me feel guilty cause I am bothered by this (and not bothered to where I make into a big deal or would ever end it cause of it)
Hes had to deal with alot of stuff with me (my feminie area problems, endo and being infertile) and has stood by me..and so I just feel horrible about feeling the way I do about this..
and blah blah blah still rambling..sorry..

 

thats what I said to him the other night and it made him seem more excited about the job and so forth..

its wierd I hardly ever post things about my relationship and now i know why cause i cant seem to shut up

 

So long as you don't mind me commenting