whatever you do don't start experimenting with syringes

Wow man I'm sorry to hear about how messed up you got... but please, just do whatever you can to avoid getting back into the state you were in.

My advice is to give yourself goals and think of something you really want to do... like a trip you want to take, or a mountain you want to climb, or something in the world that you want to see... even if you don't think it's something you would want to do, pick something... and then save up your money and never take your eye off of that goal.

 

I want to cross the thorung-la pass (anapurna area - himalaya)! been there just before i started using heavy..and its the only happy moment of my life that stayed vivid during all my drug use.

 

Good luck getting off the benzos... I found benzos to be harder to get off than other substances... The withdrawals are intense and extremely bizarre. Best to ween yourself off over quitting cold turkey when it comes to benzos.

 

look all drug use is bad..the softer stuff can lead to the harder stuff, and thats what it is about. Once you learn that weed isn't such strong stuff as people portray and learn that its just a pretty harmless herb its easy to take the next step to hard drugs. if you can keep it with just weed fine..but with some people weed is just a first step towards harder more powerfull things.

 

Pellinore I missed most of the drama from the last day or 2 in this thread. I'm not sure what I missed-but I see what is left-My best friend was on hooked on heroin for a few years-I saw him hurting-not helping him hurt as much as helping him.

You've been thru a lot-you've learned a lot-and are still trying to figure out a lot-to make sense of it-almost like maybe you can't get past it until you understand it-

Orison is right-

When my friend went to hang out with his junkie friends to try to find help while trying to quit-it maybe helped short term-but never in the end. You got involved in drugs and it went too far. Not your fault-it happens-it burns.

You came here too soon. You're not right. You're not wrong. I see real truth in some of the things that you are writing-there are real thoughts there-that I saw in my friend.

I saw some of your artwork on your webpage. I see a lot of you in it. It's good.

But I don't think this thread is really helping you understand your drug use. Maybe you came here too soon-hoping to understand it better-to make sense of it-to understand it-so you can put it behind you.

Almost like Pellinore and the Grail?

 

And you're right. Don't experiment with syringes.

You don't 'experiment' with syringes. In the end you 'lose' with syringes.

 

Dam that's doofy-but yea I wrote it.

 

I never had any problems with B+ Spore syringes .. :2thumbsup:





Life is full of choices..
You can eat drugs or have drugs eat you..

I know a girl thats 35yrs old. Ive known her for a lmost her life. She has been smoking crack, chasing pills, snorting heroin, now for as long as I can remember. She used to be really pretty. She looks now more likes shes in her 50's, he skin is all sucked in, shes lost much weight, she not bathing, walks around with cat food in her pocket to feed stray cats (well on her way to being a baglady, shes up for days, and she used to be my friend and somewhat thrustworthy , she steals now, she used to come here asking us "how can you trip on shrooms all the time, sit around and smoke weed all the time?'' Which is puzzling to us cause we are not running the streets 24/7 picking up cans for scrap, begging people for money, ripping people off, tricking selling sex for drugs.
I used to let her clean my house for me and while she couldnt steal anything thats big, she would pick up change - snuck in my heater vent and took 20 dollars in change... She has completely changed. no pun/

Right now shes a hopeless cause, and Ive stopped talking to her all together. She last called me when she had a car. She had been running it with no inspection and no cap on the oil, and blew the engine.
This is a good one though a few weeks before she got the car she asked me if i wanted to buy a cordless phone. So i said bring it. Turns out the cordless phone is probably 20yrs old with a metal antenna on it.. It was like a walkytalky and she got all pissed cause I didnt want it, then she asked me for some bud - I had given her a dime and I found out later she sold it to her 15yr old kid. So thats the end of that!!

 

That sucks man..

My best friends dad had a coke relapse a few years ago, ended up losing his job, and then my friend and his mom moved away and won't tell him where they live. There was a point before he lost his job where he would take my friends shit and try to sell it to me..

For a couple years afterward he used to come to my house every couple months with a "friend" asking for money. from visit to visit he would always look worse, toward the end of the second year he'd lost almost all his teeth, and only ever had a shitty bike with a basket of stuff in the front. He'd usualy show up falling down drunk, and one of the last times I saw him, was when I turned him down for the money he wanted, so he went next door right as my neighbor was pulling in the driveway. They started talking, which quickly led to yelling, (I never found out about what) then he pulled out a knife and went at my neighbor, but my neighbors fist crossed with his face before he could actually do anything... He biked off before the cops got there.

We saw him one more time, late October last year, havnt seen him since then.....wonder if that has to do with the winter we had afterwards...

 

Ive mentioned in other threads where I returned home from the army , it was if the a crack bomb got dropped on my neighborhood.. I was told but Im not 100% sure that my ex girlfriend and mother to my 2nd was smoking crack while I was deployed. she was bartending a crack bar. so it could be true.
Ive played the game with the crackheads. Ive smoked it, sold it but I could never understand the obsession with it. Its a very bogus high, im not saying its not a good high for a minute. but thats about all its worth - When I was smoking it, I had friends that had been smoking it longer that I had been. But they didnt have the money, job, know how to manage themselves. These are the types of cats wanna buy a 50piece, then thats gone dub themselves to death (meaning buying 20s til the money is gone) this is a foolish way to smoke crack when powder is cheaper and your smoking 1/2 baking soda off the street crack. At the time I learned the stupidity of the people I knew and I began to prey on them. Im not ashamed to admit it..

They didnt seem to have a problem buying crack from the dopeman they didnt know and putting 22'' rims on his cars.. Id buy oz's of cocaine, make my own crack take their money, drive around the block... as if I was getting it from the crack dealer they own money too( common thing some snaps do is to front from one dealer to flip something to get more crack, make a move with one their snaps and pay off their debt) I know the whole crack game - since these snaps believe their money is going to a dealer they know, I can make my dubs this size too... SMALL..

You soon see how this works. Its a terrible cycle.. I played this dealer game for about a year and I seen many people that have nothing come up with 100's of dollars in just hours, sometimes minutes.. The money they burn through is sickening. Do I feel any way responsible for whats happened to them? No, not really. I know they would of self destructed somewhere else. But I soon let that sick scene before it consumed me with greed but I can honestly say I didnt make much money flipping that shit.

The way I see people buying it today is creepy , It wasnt like this years ago. We had stones, big rocks, good cocaine/ today I notice the street crack it total garbage. And I cant even figure out how someone is getting high on it. Then go through all this trouble to get a little bit of money, score some this shit and not get high... how retarded can someone be ? The girl I mentioned spend hours waiting for one dealer to show up and walks all the ways from my neighborhood to Belview miles across the bridge or other places now. In the middle of the night freezing cold she would call me 1/2 way home cause she was cold, freezing wearing pajamas .. I used to like her and have a warm place in my heart for her and though I still care a little about her shes her own person. If she cant see the bridges shes burning doing the things shes doing, I dont know what else to tell her.

The way I see it. I had seen it with others. Its like a Loop they are in..
One thing I can say though. That even in this struggling economy ive seen them crackheads get money. In a way this is even more saddening there better things to spend money on an get high for less. buy nice things for yourself.. With that in mind, I once wondered what it was like to spend all your money on a hit, then another hit - I just cant imagine running back and forth like that. Its incredible, the amount of energy and human potential that is lost.

 

There you go-- things like that always serve as proof that you can enjoy life without drugs, and they give you a reason to stay off that shit.

I know it's not exactly the same thing, but when I was smoking I got to the point where I would have almost no energy. I didn't want to do anything, and I couldn't climb a mountain without almost getting sick and turning back. So I thought-- fuck this shit! It was kind of easy to quit after that.

Don't think of it as choosing a boring life without drugs, think of it as choosing to be able to do things that you really enjoy doing. You won't be able to do them all the time, but that only means you will have more time to prepare for everything.

I know the whole 'high on life' thing has been co-opted by lame-ass Christians and stuff like that, but there are things in life that can give you a kind of high without you needing drugs. Climbing/hiking up mountains is one of those things for me too, actually-- and there are a lot of mountains in the world, but you won't be able to do anything awesome like that if you're on that shit.

So I say focus on that goal, and when you've done it, think about something else you want to do... and keep going like that, moving from one goal to another. After Annapurna, think of somewhere else you'd like to go. The rest of your life will sort itself out as long as you can find something that can keep you busy and focused on what you love to do. It's important to keep your mind and spirit busy and not let your mind wander too much...

 

OP, you seem to be defending and rationalizing your drug use. I suggest you get out of your house and move.