What to not tell the cops

:H

things not to tell cops:
(1) You are not gonna check the trunk are you
(2) Hey your wife was great last night and hows my kids
(3) I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer
(4) sorry officer i did not realize my radar detector was unplugged
(5) aren't you the guy from the village people
(6) hey you must have been doing about 125mph to keep up with me, good job
(7) are you Andy of Barney
(8) I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a cop
(9) I pay your salary
(10) Do you know why you pulled me over, okay, just so one of us does
(11) gee thats terriffic! The last officer only gave me a warning too!
(12) No i dont need a ticket, Im sure Im too busy to go
(13) No officer Im not driving, we are both parked and your talking to me
(14) no i cant get out of the car, i too drunk to stand
(15) leave the siren on, it sounds pretty

 

Actually, the best thing to do if you're driving drunk is to keep an unopened bottle of liquor in your car. If they pull you over and start accusing you of being drunk or doing something, just open the bottle as fast as you can, take a huge gulp and tell he/she that your girlfriend or husband, spouse, etc. just left you, he/she's taking the kids and your house, and that you can't take the pressure anymore... Now flip out and say that you're now possibly considering suicide because of being pulled over.

Ruins any possibility of getting an accurate psychological/breathalyzer test on you and gives them one hell of something to talk about.

 

LoL

 

"Did you see what god just did to us,man".........that is "Did you see what some dood pretending to be god just did to us, man" lol

 

lmfao... bat country.

 

Officer, I sear she said she's 18.

 

"Do you have a daughter? because we just 3 way'd this girl that looked just like ya!"

 

LOL!


"Weaving? Of course I'm weaving. wook how wate it is (hic)".

 

wait ..no wait let me guess...you saw us drive through that window at the dealership, rigfht?

 

"Honest sherrif, if Ida known she was your daughter I would have taken her to a nicer motel".

 

Well, you see, after we dumped the body, we HAD to drive that fast

 

"I'm glad you stopped me officer, your wife wanted me to give you back your handcuffs".

 

Of course this isnt my car. You think I would pay for a Scion? Puh-leeeze

 

"remember that scene in Resevoiur Dogs with the cop and the gasoline? that was great! *starts humming "Stuck in the Middle With you"*

 

"How do I know your a cop? I got a badge here that says I am DEA and and ID that says I am FBI. Ever heard of the internet pal?"

 

"Can we hurry this up? If I'm late again my connection's gonna kill me".

 

"So wait, this has absolutely nothing to do with armed robbery?"

 

"can you smell anything coming from the trunk? no? oh good, lets just stay away from there then"

 

*hands three folded food stamps and two Mcdonalds Happy Dollars over with licsence, smiles confidently and says.."you didn't see a thing"*

 

What do you mean? I am not even a resident of this planet. I am above you and uyour petty restrictions. Now be a good boy and escort me to your Most Underage hooker.