What to do???

I don't mind if people want or don't want to read personal issues but I'd just like and honest opinion whos been through this.
I haven't had sex in over 2 years, yes, I feel that I'm an attractive female. I do get "complimented" a lot. But the last time I tried with my husband, he couldn't perform. I tried to talk about it with him and I've even gone as far out of my comfort zone to get him going. We love each other dearly but there's no spark.
What else can I do? I'm not divorcing over this, I've been with him forever and we have young children together. Other than sex, we have a solid relationship. Totally lost

 

Cassie424,
You are in a difficult position that many marriages would not endure. That said, You should not deprive yourself of a “healthy” sex life.
Two years is way too long. Let’s be realistic for a moment. Ask yourself is he self gratifying himself,masturbating? Does he have weight or health problems? Maybe he needs to man up and get checked. His Testosterone level
may be very low. There nothing to be ashamed of here. I for one take Testosterone injections. I have to for a cancer reason. Actually it is the best thing I have ever did for myself. My wife and I are a senior couple and have sex 2-3 times a week and we talk about sex daily.
Now for you. Do not deny yourself a healthy sex life. Don’t be ashamed to masturbate in front of him. Show him what turns you on. What he is missing. Show him you need a sexual release. Maybe then he will get aroused enough to perform.
And lastly, Be straight up honest with him and tell him “You” need routine sex with him. Does he expect you to remain sexually deprived?Tell him “you” are not willing to do that any longer.
He should not take you for granted. A sexless marriage is not healthy. Tough words, but you need sex.

 

You need to SPELL IT OUT for him. Don't expect men to think like you do. Men think of sex all the time and NEED to cum often, so if he is not jerking off to porn or getting off to something else, there is something wrong. If it's not an infidelity issue, could just be depression or low T. If he is on an antidepressant, that just sucks the sex drive out of you. I say, show him a few tricks. Go buy a toy that you like and show him how to use it on you and don't be afraid to use it in front of him, or any time you like. It's easy to get out of synch with kids and the pressures of a job and such, but you need to refocus him. Send the kids to grandmas and GO AWAY ALONE. Reconnect. Once you reconnect, make a pact to have sex - yes, it can be scheduled - with life, if you don't, it just won't happen. Let us know of your progress.

 

I would just share how you feel with him and see where the conversation leads. Is he okay having a sexless marriage? There are so many things it could be...from a physical/medical issue to he’s watching porn/taking care of it himself, to cheating (and that can be emotional cheating)

I’ve heard some marriages turn into roommates raising kids or friends (with no benefits) and the couple just keeps coasting along, without any passion. If it bothers you, I would share your feelings in a kind way, and see where it may lead.

 

Hi Cassie. What do you mean when you said "you went out of your comfort zone" to get him going?

 

Agree with above. You need sex in “your” life. Don’t tip toe with him. Be direct.

 

Sometimes, as men, we get caught up in our brains. We're not big on expression and feelings and such. Man silent hunter. Woman social gatherer. The sooner that is understood by both, the better.

 

Cassie, you look fairly young and attractive in your avatar. How old is your husband? Does he have health issues? You should encourage him to see a physician if and tell him about the ED, preferably a urologist. It is probably nothing but it can be several things that are life threatening. He may need to see a cardiologist, it can be a dangerous situation but most likely not.
Sometimes when a man loses his first erection during sex it is devastating to the ego. Happened to me in my early 40's.
It is usually stress but once it happens it gets in your head and that mak s it continue to happen. I used a viagra at the suggestion of my GP and the experience snapped me right out of the funk. I was like a 17 year old and the fear went away after. My wife was premenopausal and horny as a drunk teenager in her early 40's.
No one can be sure what this is except maybe him, he probably doesn't know unless he's fucking someone else.
I doubt that's it. It is not you I can assure you. Maybe you should just rub one out while you lay in bed next to him and don't hold back. If he doesn't have a heart attack he will surely respond.
Good luck.

 

Do you give head

 

Dear I am 20 years into your future.
I was in a sexless marriage for far too many years. Like you, I stayed for my two kids. And i would do it again. And again.
But I was miserable. Sex is a vital part of our lives. And a vital part of any relationship.
ALl I can say to you, is hang in there for the children. Live for them, be a fucking awesome parent. Teach them how to be good adults...and they will shine way above the rest. Mine did.
However.
After that, I was lost. I had no reason for being. Our marriage had lost it's will years ago.
I divorced her, and about a year and a half later met someone else. I can't begin to tell you how much better my life is.

 

What are you into sex wise

 

Hi Cassie, boy you have come up with a tough one, so do you sleep together? do you laugh together still or is life on the quite side? how would you rate your partnership now? have you taken any advise on your intended break up? as its going to be tough.

Let me know how you feel either here rn in the inbox just hit on that its more privet.

 

Have you tried anal

 

Communication is the best way to understand each other. Simply ask whats up. ask, Are you no longer interested in sex, or me, or is it erectile disfunction. There has to be a reason. Find out honestly what that problem is. There is always a solution. I've been in that situation before.

 

I don't think she is answering anyone, I tried way back this year, in fact it goes back to 2018..

 

I empathize with you. Sex in a relationship cannot be understated and plays such an important role in bringing you closer together. You really need to talk with with each other and although it can be a very difficult subject, you can't skirt around it or shy away from finding the answer.

You say your partner has some issues? You really need to get to the heart of those issues. Are there problems outside of the bedroom that is causing him anxiety? Is there any problems with intimacy outside of sex?

Without finding out the root cause, you'll always encounter problems.

While being in a loveless marriage for the children is a noble cause, more often than not, it is a futile one.

I hope you solve your problem and wish you all the luck.

 

If thats u in the profile pic...wow. i honestly cant even imagine how ur situation is even possible. Mayb u guys should go on vacation for 2 weeks.

 

Pls know that this works for me and my bf, doesn't mean it'll work for everyone else too, but worth a shot. I would suggest toys but it's not like size if the issue, just him not getting it on right? If you're both okay with it, I suggest you have some sexual freedom to try some other men. If it's just the sex, then make sure neither of u get attached.

 

Have you try Sex Toy? We were having a similar situation with my husband until we decided to get some sex toys. I been getting my toys from here. https://kissngiggles.com/ Hope it helps for you too.