What to do....what to do

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by PhOeNiX_fIrE, Jan 23, 2005.

  1. PhOeNiX_fIrE

    PhOeNiX_fIrE Member

    Hi everybody.
    mmmk. I went down to visit my family for the first time with my boyfriend and 6 month old daughter, and for the first couple of days, everything was going pretty good. I guess I should tell you a bit of backround info on my family before I go on.... when I was 10, my dad died. When I was 11, my mum remarried out of fear of being alone emotionally and financially. The guy she remarried was a complete tool and soon started beating me up. I left when I was 14. Went back when I was 16 and instead of beating me up, the guy started trying to touch me. Moved back out when I was 16.... and I thought everything was good.... well better anyway. So ya. I went back home for xmas and everything was good- I mean Peter (stepdad) was acctuallly being nice - until xmas eve. Everybody got extremely hammered and at around 1am the only people left drinking we me and my boyfriend, Chris, my 16 year old neighbour James (who's on dialosis cause he has no kidneys) two of my younger cousins, my sist5er's boyfriend and PETER.
    All of a sudden, I see my boyfriend waving frantically for me to come over behind the couch to where he was standing so I could see smething (james and peter were on the couch infront of him) so I do, and what do I see? My friggin' stepdad with his hand down (and I mean far down) the neighbour boy's pants. This was not a friendly pat. And you konw what my reaction was? To laugh at how wierd my stepdad is. The neighbour kid was laughing (awkwardly) too. Chris was insanly mad. And I heard myself say to him "Don't worry it's just peter" It was after I saw the look on his face that I realized how sick what I was saying was.
    After that... Peter grabbed me and started kissing my boobs.... sorry this is so long... so we woke up my m um and told her and you konw what she said?
    "How drunk is he?""
    What the fuck? So I told her that my daughter was never goin g to be allowed there again unless peter was gone. She said I'm overexagerating things and I ruined xmas....
    I guess I want to know what yu guys think. I left alot oiut because it was so long, but do you poeple think me and my boyfriend are wrong? I can't believe my mum's taking his side on this.... What shsould I do? I know the only reason my mum's staying with him is because of money.... but what price is she willing to pay? IN my opinion, she's condoning child molestation and insest.
    What should I do? I'm so choked... I can't talk to anyone in my family...
     
  2. Midget

    Midget Senior Member

    No, I don't think you were wrong...that's sick, the guy is touching little kids. I thin you're right about not letting your kid be there, too, unless he is gone...or maybe under your supervision. Good luck. (((HUG)))
     
  3. DiffKettleOfFish

    DiffKettleOfFish Kickin' it

    Yeah, you are definitely doing the right thing. That is just sick, he needs help or to be locked up.
     
  4. RyvreWillow

    RyvreWillow Member

    Oh hell no, my kids would not spend a minute with that guy, supervised or not.

    You're mom obviously chooses not to notice how creepy he is...sad for her. If it were me, i would invite your mom over to your place, but make it clear that Peter is NOT welcome. It sounds like she won't want to come over anyway, on principal that he's not invited, but at least you're making an effort to let her see her grandchild, and if she doesn't accept that arragement, then at least you never have to feel bad about not trying.
     
  5. ditto with all the other comments here, please take care of your darling and put them first, it's your job to do so as a mum cause if you don't there may be no one else who will do so, before your mum even, if she was for real she would be putting all the kids before her partner, you only have to meet the nana's I know and you would realise this!...man, sounds so piss weak what I am trying to say but take care and stay strong, sounds like your boyfriend Chris may have it a bit more sorted in the what is right and wrong stakes than you do currently due to life history so maybe take a leaf from him.....and last resort is that this dude was breaking all laws by being such a perv, you can get him done for that sort of shit!

    take care please
    :(
     
  6. Kastenfrosch

    Kastenfrosch Blaubeerkuchen!! HipForums Supporter

    remarried moms sometimes don't want to see the asshole in their new husbands. Maybe then, they would have to admit, that the decision was wrong.

    As someone else mentioned before, invite your mom, and only her over to your house.
     
  7. BobbinBecca

    BobbinBecca Member

    Sick sick sick
    I almost wish I never heard this type of stuff because my life was so much more free-spirited when I didnt' know people did this sort of thing to each other. I was raised pretty sheltered.
    But now I know and I can only imagine how as much as I'd like to pretend this doesn't happen your mom would like to as well. Maybe she was raised sheltered as well, and your dad was a part of her happy, normal life. Now she wants nothing except a happy, normal life and some of it rubbed off on you which is why you tried to brush it off at first.
    Your mom needs an intervention. You would probably benefit from being a part of one, too. Tell her a happy normal life happens in Action, not intention. Compile a list of places she can go, like your place, battered women's shelters, her parents?
    How old is your sister??????? She's not like living with them is she?
    Best of luck in this harsh situation, congrats on having a man who will stand up for what is right,
    Becca
     
  8. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Keep your kids away from this guy and call Child Protective Services. He should be in jail. Child molestation is a way of life, it is not something a pervert ever stops doing, they just find new victims. The average child molestor has more than 200 victims in his lifetime. Peter won't stop, he tried with you (and you were not his first) he's been hurting children since you left and you SAW him molest an other child.

    Turn the pervert in. He is only going to hurt more children. DON'T talk it over with your mom. Don't talk to him about it. Don't give him a free pass because he was "drunk" plenty of men get drunk and most don't molest children. CALL CPS (or whatever service they have in your province) NOW and get him reported.
     
  9. Midget

    Midget Senior Member

    Although my mom's husband isn't a pedo...I'm not too fond of him, but my mom just thinks he's the greateest guy in the world...yeah...lol funny you should say that :)
     
  10. Kastenfrosch

    Kastenfrosch Blaubeerkuchen!! HipForums Supporter

    @midget: the one of my mom isn't a pedo either, but still treats my little brother, who was forced to live with them since he's just 14, not very nice.
     
  11. Applespark

    Applespark Ingredients:*Sugar*

    My mom had 8 siblings in her family and all of even the rest of her family is fucked up far beyong fucked up. I never knew them. What I did know of them and saw of them made me glad I never was subjected to that. It's yoru job to protect your children from sick people. If that be your own family then I think that makes you even the stronger of a person because you know what's right. Your doughter's safety should be number one now and her life...it's family but it's not about them anymore. They already had their chance to raise children and even beyond that they are condoning things you know are wrong. I would definately keep my kids out of there!
     
  12. Sarah Lee

    Sarah Lee Member

    My mom stayed w/my dad for 11yrs. She knew for many years that he was fooling with my sister, then she had me. She finally left when I was 6. I have a court order that states that my Father is not to have any unsupervised visits w/my child. It is sad, but my mom has never owned up to her role in this. My sister and her havn't spoken in like 10yrs. I just told her I don't want any more contact with her because it is a volitile situation for my family and I have a baby on the way. I told her when she straightens up her act to let me know. My mom abuses prescriptions, she is always popping somthing, I told her she cant come around my kids popping pills. You may have a Similiar choice to make w/your boyfriend, this man cannot be around your children. your mom probably won't remedy the situation soon. Remember that you have the right to always protect you child, just the same as any mamma bear and just as ferocious. Yes you should report him. you would want the same help I am sure. ((((hugs))))) I know where you are coming from.
     

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