What Should You Do If Your Partner Refuse Sex(Is not in the mood)

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fun for both involved. After menopause my wife never wanted sex at all. It’s not enjoyable to have to talk her into it. I want her to want to. Since that’s not going to happen I stopped asking and the wife said she doesn’t want to know how I solve it for myself.

 

Unless there’s a health related reason she doesn’t want sex, I’ll cheat.

 

I hear this so many times and have been fighting it for years. Just because you turn off, I should? Hey, I'm still 17 looking out of this cock.....

 

If it ain't mutual same page to work through and solve it together , and she has closed down then it's out of your control as much as you love her dearly , it's pissing into the wind , we can't love someone who won't give love mutually , and your very respectful stating ..." I want her to want to " ...your being pushed away If that's her final stance not to seek medical and counselling services with you to work it out , then I guess you will need to be strong to seek out intimacy else where .... Man up for your self take control of your own happiness .. yes U love her and worship and history together but if she has shut up shop being loving , you can't continue on vapours ... All the best

 

Fuck someone else in front of her.

 

My ex wife would regularly refuse sex, one of the many reasons she is now the ex wife. It was crap. My girlfriend now is a breath of fresh air and she loves sex, and it is very rare that she turns down a offer from me. I normally just have a quick wank (to get rid of the urges) and go to sleep cuddling her. My ex wife would sometimes reluctantly agree to sex but it wasn't what she really wanted to do, and she would just lay there with an uncomfortable look on her face but insisting that it was ok. Worst sex ever!

 

Here's my thoughts.: most women are just plain lazy like my wife. You can do all the things for romance but after a while it's too much work for us, just to get you in the mood every time. We're married, we said in our votes"to have and to hold." This means you will have sex, like you said it's what married people do.

I'm tired of being Mr nice or the good guy. Good guys do finish last. The crappie guys get more and better sec than we do. We're stick with who we choose. There's not anything you can do to change your spouse. You have to take care of yourself. Find your own outlets. My two cents

 

same happened to me, thats why i found a misstres that loved sex anytime I wanted

 

Sometimes it's a matter of the sun, earth, moon and stars aligning up for her to be in the mood.....and then again...sometimes she just does it to make me happy...

 

Feel your pain brother. Try being on Testosterone and horny all the time with a women who is going in the other direction. In feel like shit for wanting my own wife and still being attracted to her.

 

What most women dont get is that sex is both a biological need as well as an emotional want for men. Men can separate that. Sometimes a man just needs his wife to make him cum to ge brid of that agitating biological need that creeps up occasionally. If i approach my wife and she lets me know she’s not up for sex then why can’t she offer me a hand job? It takes about 5 min and I’m happy and we dont get into a fuss. Ladies….when your man seems ill and you can’t figure out why just do this….go whisper in his ear “how bout you meet me in the bedroom/bathroom. I want to watch you cum”. You would see his mood change instantly and I guarantee you it would take about 5 min of your time. You talk a little dirty to him and jerk him off into a towel and no mess either. Done and everyones problems solved and he’ll do whatever you ask for the next couple of days til you’re in the mood for a proper fucking.

 

Just my opinion - but if you have a post menopausal wife and she refuses you more often than not, then you have much larger problems in your relationship than that.
A wife that doesn't care about her husbands needs is not a wife at all is she? I suppose she still expects you to care about her feelings?
If your relationship is good, then she will let you and at least pretend she doesn't mind it. If not - then, like I say, you have much worse problems that are not dealt with.

 

My wife loves me and she does show it in many ways. But sex isn’t going to be one of them. What I have had to do to survive in the situation I am in is realize the situation I am in. She is not able to understand my sex drive, because she doesn’t have one. At all. Zero. Of course I would prefer that she did, I love her and would love to express it that way. At 64 I’m decades in on this dynamic and struggled with it for a long time. I have found that if I recognize it for what it is I am able to deal with it better. I am at the place that I have no expectations of sex any more. I stopped asking. She never offers, ever.
That part of of me is expressed elsewhere, it’s the only choice I have if I’m going to be sexually satisfied at all. She has stated during one of the many times we have discussed it that she doesn’t want to know how I meet those needs. So the result is I leave no indication of what I do. It’s a separate part of my life lived out in secret. It’s not what I prefer but I have to play the hand I’m dealt. I do feel guilty for going behind her back for it but I find I also don’t resent her for not providing it if I’m getting it elsewhere. It’s a double edged sword but in my circumstance it’s the best I can come up with. The other option is divorce. I don’t want that, we have lots of grand kids and I don’t want to put the family through it. We are a tight knit family and it would destroy relationships that I cherish. I’ve said it many times, how I deal with it it isn’t perfect. But I don’t have a perfect option, there isn’t one. This is the best I can come up with.

 

Wow man, thanks for sharing that. I’m in the mid 50’s and all my wife and i argue about is sex. Now i’m not where you are at, she wants sex maybe twice a month where as i want it twice a week. She does know i have needs and will give me hand jobs in between but i have felt like it could turn into what your going through and thats scary. Look my wife is awesome, i dont deserve her and she takes care of me and our children and everything else ahe’s supposed to. She is a good wife. But i think you and probably some others can relate to what im about to say…..men are built to reproduce. Its in our DNA. There’s a reason women are curvy and look like they look, TO ATTRACT US. We are visual creature driven by hornones that drive us to want to have a physical relationship with the woman we choose. Men need swx for different reasons women need sex. It represents different things to each of them. Now if you’re a dude with low T maybe you are struggling with this but many men today including myself are on TRT and its improved our life’s drastically but one side affect is you feel like your in your 20’s and it makes you horny for your woman. When men are horny and don’t see a path to resolving it then they get mean and ugly. Who can relate?

Do you still love and care for her?
Does you habe ANY kind of intamacy with her?

My wife loves me and through our talks she knows i am on TRT And i have needs because i’m a man. While i would probably always want more, she does make sure my needs are meet at least once a week whether its a hand job or we have sex.

Good luck man, i hope things get better for you.

 

my wife got to be the same way, it was like that for almost 3 years.
thats when i started looking for someone else and did hook up
the gf loved it and had great sex, when ever i wanted and as ofton

sometimes 3 times a day till i got caugt
the only thing she didnt do is suck cocck. she tried but daid i was too big and she wouldnt do anal which was ok
we lasted abot 4 and ahalf monthe and even took her on an out of town trip for a week

 

Still say you have bigger problems than sex if your wife won't appreciate your higher drive and willing to release it.
This is 2024, it's not like women today don't know a man keeps his drive after they lose theirs.
It is selfish. Pure and simple.
I promise I am not lying by saying this - just last night my wife felt my erection. So she rubbed him a little, which is a sign that she would rather not have sex, but is willing to rub/handjob until I take over. She took off her top and lied against me while I masturbated.
And that is awesome. I am fine with that.
If she is willing to have sex, she will say something like "would he like a visit?" Her phrase for sex.
If she doesn't say that, but starts rubbing/jerking him that tells me she would rather I do it myself.
And then there is the awesome times when she will pull down the covers and give me a BJ for a while until her jaw tires and I finish.

Just sayin - every wife should do these things. If not - then you need to be honest with yourself and critic how you treat her. Do you do things for her you would rather not do? Do you watch some shows she likes - and don't complain or pretend you like it? Do you fix shit around the house? Are you affectionate with her WITHOUT turning it sexual?

 

This isn’t because of how she is treated. She gets treated well. My default is to be kind, and she is treated with kindness and respect. And it might be because she is selfish in this regard. But that doesn’t change anything. At the end of the day I am faced with the same situation and what I’m going to do in response. I have talked to her about it until I’m blue in the face. So at this point there is no reason to keep revisiting it with her, it only produces tension in our relationship. We get along in about every other aspect of our marriage so it’s not like this issue is the product of bigger problems. We spend time together watching shows on tv(sometimes her choice, sometimes mine), shop together, go places and do things. I have come to the resolve that this is my problem to solve and I do. I don’t pester her for sex she doesn’t want. And honestly if she doesn’t want it it’s not fun having sex with someone who isn’t into it. So I go to someone who does desire sex with me. Simple. She doesn’t know about it and doesn’t need to. Why create hard feelings? Really what I desire is to be happy in my marriage. If we can both be happy and I’m getting sex somewhere else then it’s a win win.

 

:-( so sorry buddy! Maybe some straight candid conversation?

 

If you mean with her, been there done that. She knows how I feel. It could be a whole lot worse, she could be a raging bitch. I don’t want to paint a picture that she is. She is a happy kind person. But sex isn’t on the docket for her anymore. She had a hysterectomy several years ago that left her with no libido. It’s uncomfortable for her. That being what it is, I don’t need to punish her for it.
She would be hurt if she knew I was getting sex someplace else. She has said she doesn’t want to know how I solve this. Again it’s not a goal to make her feel bad about this, that’s not productive. My goal is to not have the tension that not having sex produces. And in the mean time have no one get hurt in the process. I have said this before, this isn’t a perfect solution. But I believe it’s the best I can come up with in my circumstance.

 

It is a hard choice to make but if the wife is on board the choice is much easier. Keeping it in secret makes it seem devious to those who would find out. But that's the risk taken to sate your desires and keep peace at the home front.

As far as your questions go my answer is a resounding yes to all of them. Partly because I am allowed to enjoy other women without spite over it at home. Mostly because I love her dearly and want the answers to be yes. Marriage is filled with a lot of give, not much take. We both give of ourselves to each other. Just not in all ways.

I have found this to be very true. I much rather enjoy having sex with a woman who is enthusiastic about having sex with me. Not because it is expected due to some silly saying at an altar or in front of a judge. Because sex is better if both want it. So I have sex with other women and continue to have a happy marriage. No shame, guilt, or regrets. Just a fun time that lifts my spirits and makes my life happier.