What should we do?

Discussion in 'All in the Family' started by andrew45, Oct 1, 2013.

  1. andrew45

    andrew45 Member

    Alright guys . Please i don't want trolls . Just a nice advice , because really my whole big family trying to do something .
    I have a cousin he is 25 years old . He is very smart and intelligent .
    he likes reading books and in tv always watching documentary ,never comedy or just waste time . He knows everything , just ask him and you will end up giving you lecture .Speaks 5 languages . But main problem is his computer . He has no social life , all day working at family business and computer . Playing video games or reading thousand of books . He has thousand of books of course in e-books .
    Our main problem are no social life and cant finish university . His grade are really good . But we started to think he is purposely not passing his final exam . Already waste a year and always telling final exam is too difficult .
    One year now he had no university responsibility wake up sitting front of computer, then go at family business then come back again front pc until sleeping .
    Already tried to speak with him . Always same thing . I want to graduate , but i cant . I asked him if he doesn't like it, then study what you like . He told me something his parents don't know . He doesn't like anything .He told me , he doesn't like anything . He just study that because he can . But he must like something . Thus no social life no experience and curiosity , maybe that's why he doesn't like anything . He tells me i just do it , because i can . But he doesn't enjoy it . I want to propose to family maybe for a psychologist. What you think?
     
  2. pensfan13

    pensfan13 Senior Member

    I have had people try to force me to do social things that i didnt want to. And in the end i just did what i wanted. I bet your cousin will be the same way. You have given some symtoms of depression but not enough to worry about him in my opinion. He will likely just find you annoying if you pester him to do what you think he should do.
     
  3. BrotherHobo

    BrotherHobo Member

    I think there's a good possibility your cousin is suffering from clinical depression. Several things point to this, but the main ones are social isolation and an apparent dependence on the internet. Does he look at internet porn all day? That's another possibility, addiction to porn and addiction to the computer. And another possibility is "failure to launch," meaning not wanting to give up the sheltered life of an adolescent for the personal responsibilities of adulthood, something that is very common in the U.S.

    My suggestion is to encourage him to go see a therapist, but people in his situation who can, usually resist efforts to get them to change.
     
  4. andrew45

    andrew45 Member

    He has his computer wit password plus windows 7 don't have ''backdoor entrance'' tech guys called . so i cant hack and see what actually he does all that day . I live in europe .i thought about therapist but he was against it . He says main reason why he has problem is because family pressure . i suggested he get himself a small apartment .Again negative , parents dont trust him alone .
     
  5. BrotherHobo

    BrotherHobo Member

    As I've said on other posts, a person can do anything he wants as long as he can pay for it. Your cousin doesn't get the option of living at his parents' place and doing whatever he pleases. If his parents are paying his rent and feeding him, he is their dependent, and therefore subject to their authority. "Their house: their rules." If you cousin wants to refuse therapy and act like someone who is depressed, then he can do it in his own apartment, with his own money.

    But if he wants to live at his parents' place, when they say, "You are going to see a doctor," he needs to agree. If his parents allow him to refuse and remain in their home, all they are doing is enabling his illness. Does the entire family agree that he needs help? If so, contact a psychologist and make an appointment for the parents and the principal family members to attend to discuss their opinions about his mental health. They should bring whatever documentation they can--whether he is sleeping, if so, how much? Dietary habits, alcohol consumption, drug use, medication regimen (if any), educational history with grades, so on and so forth. Find out if setting up an intervention is appropriate. If the family believes that your cousin's behavior constitutes (and these words are important) "a danger to himself or others," he can be hospitalized against his will, as long as you can pay for it (insurance, national health care or whatever.) If the family agrees that he needs help, and he refuses, here in the U.S. a mental health court can issue a warrant and he can be taken into custody by constables working for the mental health court and brought to a psychiatric hospital for court-ordered mental health treatment. However, someone close to the patient must sign the warrant--mother, father, sibling, etc. and it often causes a family dispute.

    A lot of young people get the idea that they are "independent adults" because they turned 18 years old. This is utter nonsense. One becomes independent when you are self-supporting and require NO assistance from your family in daily life. If mom and dad are feeding you and paying your rent, you are still a dependent, and subject to their authority--if you want them to continue signing the checks. Your cousin is probably clinically depressed. Is there any chance he may be suicidal, or homicidal? Think about it carefully. It's important.
     
  6. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    Have him take online classes if he's so attached to his computer. You can complete whole degrees online these days. Once he has a degree, he'll have initiative to get out of the house and should meet some people through his job. You can also have him try out online dating or something like that.
     

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