Hi all I'm new here, and mainly just here to let some stuff out! The deal is... A few days ago I borrowed my fiances computer to check a few things, but as it turned on, some messages started ticking in on her Skype - and not just messages from friends, but also these sex-related messages from a random guy... I was rather shocked about this, and checked the conversation history with this guy... And I was pretty upset with what I saw; they'd been talking for hours about hardcore sex, S&M, pain and pleasure stuff - all of it stuff I never knew she was into. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that she is turned on about this stuff, as it's quite far from my fantasies, but what's really bothering me is that she'd chat with other guys about this, but hide it from me in the same time?! I talked to her about it later in the evening, and she confessed that she has fantasies about this. Asking her why she'd go on a forum and not talk to me, she said that for one she's embarrassed about it, but also she really can't see me in that way, and doesn't want those fantasies between us, as we're a longterm couple and are planning our future together (currently being quite hung up on our wedding ;-), so she thinks it'll tear us apart. But that reaction freaks me out even more!! I completely understand how she feels about it, but what the heck are we gonna do then? I honestly feel like this is as close to cheating as she could go, without actually doing something about it... I mean, fantasizing and talking about doing stuff with another guy - stuff she has never even mentioned to me? I'm pretty satisfied with our sexlife and until now I thought she was as well - but now I'm concerned if that's actually the case? She tries to reassure me that she'd never meet the guy, that it's just a darker side to her sexuality which she only ever will (and wants to) keep as a personal fantasy. But if this is some deeper desires in her, how could she surpress them for a lifetime? It worries me greatly that she's already talking to strangers about it - then where is the boundary? Will she meet one and just talk IRL about it, will she at some point get so caught up in these fantasies, that she'll act on them? I don't know if I have any real questions - I'm just frustrated about this, as she tries to tell me it's no biggie, she really didn't put much into it etc... But it's a heck of a big deal to me, and she seems completely ignorant about that... I love her deeply, and she loves me - I'm not doubting that for one second. I don't have any reason to think that she ever cheated on me, but I do however worry that she will one day. And even if not, it's killing me just knowing what she's already done - and in her own words, she can't promise me not to do that again, as she doesn't know if at some point she'll be too into it to just let it go - she can only promise to try her best to stay away from forums and chats? Talk about a way to get me worried ;-) Thanks for listening...
next time you're fucking, tie her up, gag her, and bust out a bull whip, and see how she reacts in real life.. Then you will know the course of action to take. Do these things without warning too
What should I make out of this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7fchtEJpy8"]Airplane! Johnny, what do you make of this? - YouTube
Likely she was getting educated about urges. Maybe getting perspective, just as you have done here. If she is on a forum, go read it. See if anything lights up for you & then talk about it together.
Don't be another chump... obviously she is exploring her sexuality with other guys. Right now, it's just online that you know of, but eventually, she will need the real thing and get it. Of course, you already know all of this so you can either start backing away and moving on or you can step up, be the man, tie her up and do all those things to her whether she sees you that way or not. If you don't want to do the latter or it doesn't work with her, then you gotta go back to option 1... moving on.
Naaah. Online can be a version of "second life" or virtual reality. It doesn't have to mean a thing. And often, people are more bold online. They do things on computer that they would never do in real life. Are you at all interested in what she enjoys, or wants to explore? If you aren't, it is a place of incompatibility.
drumminmama, while looking at porn is an online-only activity, talking one-on-one with a specific person IS a step beyond. Chances are, if they are on Skype, they were camming which would be another step. It's up to the Poster to decide what bothers him or not and it obviously does... trust has been broken. I also wager you are being disingenuous about the whole anything-online is okay attitude. If you were in a monogamous relationship, how would you feel about your partner sending months of messages proclaiming love and romance for another person? It's just online so it doesn't mean anything, right?
