What should I do?

Hi,

I am somewhat confused as to what to do in my current relationship and need some advice after I have let you know the issue.

I have been with my girlfriend 1 year and 2 months. We have a pretty A-4 sex life where she always decide position and pace. (She gets hurt if I go hard). We rarely do more than missionary or she lying on her stomach a routine I think she picked up from her previous relationship. Now to the issue! Sex can be quite boring and I suggested anal sex something which she has tried on multiple occasions with 2 previous partners. She told me she hated it and it is unnatural and that I am never allowed. So I confronted her that since I have never done it I wanted to try it at some point. However she told me to shut up about it.

Now I love this girl. She has a nice personality but in the bedroom it is really boring and I am only 25 years old. I want to try anal at some point but she seems to be comfortable in her own routine. I can't get it out of my head so what should I do? I have been trying to explain the she might enjoy it with me and that I only want to do it once (if that is all I can get). In my previous relationships I had sex where I can thrust and dominate. But here I feel like a beta male who during sex must move really slow and lie stomach to stomach on her in missionary. She don't like me getting up.
Is anal sex worth trying and should I break up because of boring sex or just stay with her? I guess sex will be boring after I get older anyways?

 

No means No.

She's not going to have anal sex with you.

If you want anal sex, break up with her.

 

I am thinking she means no and has her reasons. If you want anal really bad, buy yourself a dildo/strap on and ask her if she'd mind sticking it to you. Bets are she'd be ok with it that way and you get to decide if you ever want her to go there again. This might spice things up for you.
There are probably lots of other things besides you slamming her behind that could spice things up nicely but if you are stuck on your anal thing and its making the whole sex thing with her boring you are probably done with her altogether. Remember sex is great, its supposed to be but its not the be all of your relationship, IMO its the bond, the love connection that keeps the relationship strong, oh and its a sport between you both too,,, haha.
I have to go with, get over your one little tick and realise No means no, or think about other reasons you should leave her that add to this little issue and maybe you are not really in love with her as you thought. So I wont vote, that would be unfair to her and you. Its not a yes or no situation here, there is much more to it.
Good luck, I hope you work things out.

 

ok im going to say it, have you tried talking to her about how and why she feels that way, what about giving her a massage with warm oils, touch her body, relax her, it doesnt have to lead to sex, just let her enjoy you touching her body, and show her how much you do love her, take things slow it might help

 

See thats the thing. He said she has tried it with two past partners and claims its not natural and she hates it which is not an uncommon feeling for women.
He claimes sex with her is boring. Seems she likes a set routine. The problem here isnt really about getting to her back door, its about more then that. They have lots to work out.
I think if he took your advice and headed it anyway but towards her anus he might do well and they might discover together things they both like.

 

I have learned sometimes when a woman says yes it means yes,yes can mean no,no can mean no, and no can mean yes. I think some just don't know what they want.

 

Break up. You two are not on the same page sexually. If there are problems now, there will be problems if you two get hitched. Better to split up now and look for anal whores at the bar. There are millions of other girls out there, so fuck the romantic notion that there is one and only one. It's a state of mind, dude. Ditch her and look for a girl who will love to spread her asshole wide apart for you. Ditch her now before you waste any more time.

 

Troll alert...love these first posts lol

 

your bias is showing in just your name man.
it depends on how important anal sex is to you. honestly i am not a fan, it feels just like vaginal sex with a condom to me.
what im getting at is that sex isnt the only thing in a relationship, dont break up for that alone. if other stuff is really good then you can compromise on this one thing. and if you can work in a deal like you do something big for her in return she does the one time anal for you, and then you can know if it is something that is worth breaking up a year long relationship over.

 

its not a first post its just a first post under that screen name.

 

Ahhh your clever pen, i just seen the typical bullshit first post... I bow to your knowledge lol

 

If the overall sex is boring you and leaving you feel immaculate, anal won't fix it. If things were working out, you 2 would have found compromise that lets you both have fun.

 

Agreed, if he gets his way even as a one time thing after he already knows she 'meant no', its only going to bring her to the point of letting him do it to get him off her back about it and yet make her do what he knows she hates. So now sex isnt fun for her anymore either, and if he likes it she will be worried he will ask again and again or he finds all other sex they do even more boring. If it were me under such pressure to do what I Dont like I would offer him the back door to the house instead, dont slam it as you leave,,,
She obviously has a reason for saying no, let it go. Relationships are not meant for pressuring one's sexual ways or desires on the other. Not everything is going to be liked by both. If I say no about something I mean it. Yes! No does mean No! If we have to argue it anyway then you dont hear me well or what I say doesnt matter to you. Either way this isnt a relationship when a sexual desire matters more then what we can build on together.

 

Thanks for all replies. What I have taken from this is that she will never do anal with me. And although we are sexually incompatible (she get hurt when I thrust into her vagina. She likes sex in the morning. I like sex always and in the night and when I'm drunk which she don't.) I like to hang out with her and do stuff with her. So I guess I should just forget about the sex aspect of it and just enjoy other activities we do together. She is after all a very nice girl. I just need to get rid of my desire to try anal sex. Final question: is anal sex really that good for a male?

 

I know I may sound like an old fuddy-duddy here, but there's more to a relationship than sex - sure it's an important part of the relationship, but it's not the be all & end all.

As for your wanting her to have Anal Sex - well, I can totally understand that. The first time I was penetrated, even though the experience gave me my first ever prostate orgasm, it was agony, as the other guy was far from being sensitive to my personal feelings & was more into satisfying his own desires.

Although it's obvious that the additional tightness of the Anal sphincter gripping around your penis is going to be physically far more stimulating for the male than the vagina is, but is likely to be quite uncomfortable to the penetratee - plus, as she said, it has to be admitted that, in a way, it is an unnatural act, as it has no procreative purpose.

The first thing I learned about having sex - and the same thing applies to Gay or Straight sex, is that the best way to achieve personal satisfaction is to forget about your own desires & concentrate on your partner's needs. In so doing, this creates a sort of karma, whereby your efforts come back to you twofold (or more).

You must decide whether this is a true relationship where she really means something to you, in which case you should not force your urges on her, but let yourself be led by her desires. If, on the other hand, you consider her merely as a conduit for your own sexual satisfaction, then it's not a relationship than can, or should, possibly last.

 

I guess you are right. I will try to forget about sex and just focus on our relationship. Do other activities. She is like a best friend to me and it would be stupid to let her go because of my sexual "needs". There is probably more to this relationship than sex. I just had another perception of what my sex life should be like.

Thanks all! Swift and good replies!

 

Yeah, and give her complete command of the relationship, too. If you want to be a doormat, that's up to you, but if she dumps or even divorces you and you suffer dearly, don't wallow in your misery because you were the one who gave her the driver's seat. I never believe in self-denial and sacrifice in the name of love.

 

I agree with you back door man. I now give her the drivers seat. When I posted here I thought people would rather support the fact that I should be the governing factor in the relationship but most people seem to think I should just give in and let her decide. I don't know what to do because I have never been with a woman telling me NO so much. I kinda wanna just tell her to ease up and let me make decisions but almost everyone says I should let her decide and just go with it. It's frustrating for sure!

 

well could you not stay friends and do all the friends things but have a real girlfriend that is not her aka just a friend?

 

I dont think you get what most have said. Most have said its likely not about you getting anal but about what you both could enjoy.
What if she wanted to clamp your nipples and you said its a turn off because you tried it before with someone else and it ruined your ability to enjoy sex. So you want all the other stuff but no clamping,,,,,
I think you are slamming sex with her down as boring because she wont let willy in the back, its a spoiled attitude and you need to shake that one and find out if sex itself is really boring with her,,, if so then move it along and look for the girl who will do anal, hopefully when you find her, hanging out with her isnt boring,,, or you at least find her attractive in other ways besides her openess in the back end.
Hopefully this new girl hasnt had a lot of traffic back there before you show up.
Point is, if you really think finding willie a new place to hide his head for a few mins will make your life complete you could be very wrong. Lots of women wont and if you convince one to try it once and you like it and she dont then what,,,, sex is boring again???