what makes you think someone could be gay?

Discussion in 'Gay' started by psyche, May 20, 2004.

  1. psyche

    psyche fun for the whole family

    so gaydar is fine and dandy and all, but what do you do when you're just not picking anything up vibe-wise? what do you think makes you notice homos in a crowd?

    i sadly look for stereotypes. alternative looking females with short hair and masculine clothes. of course this isn't a very good way to do it but it works a lot of the time (unless they're european). i also search for rainbow jewllery, which is just a given. then there's the way they carry themselves. how much they look at you when you're in a conversation, etc. if i get the chance to talk to them i'll bring up some gay-ish issue, or say something about a girl and if they act freaked out i know they're just friend material. so what are some of the big things you guys do (short of flat-out asking) that tip you off as to another person's gayness?
  2. With girls I do look for the cargo shorts, short hair (or sometimes dreadlocks, though both are SO unreliable), a certain tone of voice - kind of clipped, firm, cutting. In conversation I'll bring up Ani and other singers who tend to have a lesbian following...some gay political issue...or just make a friendly allusion about myself. Also, this rarely works, but the sports they play can give me a good start sometimes...field hockey/basketball/softball combination is a slight tip off.

    I think guys are much easier. I look at the shoes first and foremost, then the clothes, skin, hair. If a guy has almost all girl friends, it sets mine off, and if he has a certain soft niceness about him it goes too.

    None of this means anything. It's just habit.
  3. monosphere

    monosphere Holly's Hubby

    I've learned around here that I can't base my hunches on clothing or appearance as I've seen all types of guys whom you would never suspect. I was floored when one of my male friends told me in a drunken state that he was bisexual. I thought my gaydar was pretty good, but I had no idea. And the way I found out was by discussing gay adoption. Slowly the conversation turned to sexuality and then his revelation.

    I like the idea of bringing up the topic in conversation. Kinda feel them out as to their views and responses to the topic. If they're friendly, then maybe you could work the conversation towards personal sexuality. One on one talking is the only way I could ever know for sure. True, there are some out there who make themselves all to obvious, but sometimes I like a guy who's a little more subtle. Ya need to look beyond the appearance for that.
  4. Duncan

    Duncan Senior Member

    I look at hands and shoes. If this shoes have tassles on them and the hands are big with sausage fingers... then he's gay.
  5. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    if anyone knows of anyone with a really good gaydar then maybe you could ask them to come and teach me all they know as mines c**p (count out Duncan i think his is worse than mine) maybe its because i look so alternitive myself that i just don't gat appoached who knows.
    i could be in a gay club watching a really camp guy dance to the spice girls, then neck another bloke and i still have to ask a friend whether they think he's gay.
    mind you my witchdar is pretty good i can normally tell a witch or a pagan a million miles away, so maybe thats all that counts

  6. good question. there are so many alternative looking girls on campus and especially in my course of study i can never be sure about anything. and a lesbian friend of mine told me i look extremely straight so i guess this doesn´t make things easier.
    plus i´m quite shy with girls and i´d never be able to try to find out if someone i find cute is a lesbian/bi without fainting. so i only notice a lesbian/bi if she looks and acts totally stereotype.
    a friend of mine claims she always notices lesbians no matter what they look like because "of that special look in their eyes". she even claims to notice if a straight girl has thought about a lesbian experience.
    i don´t know how she does it but so far she´s always been right.
  7. Mui

    Mui Senior Member

    what kind of shoes do gay ppl wear
  8. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    this gay person wears purple shoes with a full moon design on it.
    what type of shoes do straight people wear do you know?

  9. A lot of people would probably think I'm a lesbian since I dress comfortably, but I am definitely not gay at all. I like wearing mens t-shirts, because they're comfy. I have to wear mens shoes, because I wear a size 11 in womens, and my feet are wide. (I'm 5'10", sue me)... I also have short hair, which is now growing out long (it's past my ears now, it's a bob)... But I do have feminine features. I don't tape my boobs down, or any of that. I do hang out with gay men, or I used to. I used to go to gay bars. But I AM DEFINITELY not gay. Hell, I wear bellbottoms on a semi-regular basis! I don't dress like a skater - read below.

    The features I've noticed on lesbians is their dress, honestly this is the first tip off. Girls who wear baggy clothes, hats backwards, or look like "Skaters" (I hate labels) ....is a good key.

    Men, on the otherhand... You have to look for mannerisms, a short steps when walking, talking with their hands, their speech, who they look at and talk to. Sometimes even what they drink.

    I feel so bad for bringing out these stereo-types, but it never fails for my gay-dar.
  10. yeah i guess i do the same....like guess by the way they dress......and to be honest im almost always right. and me and my gay friends can hang out somewhere and i'll be like 'shes gay' or whatever and they'll be like...'how did you guess????' and that thing about the look in their eye...i totally get that! just a little something..i guess they ar doing the exact same thing 'she must be gay' etc etc...hehe

    flo xx
  11. Patch

    Patch Member

    i always rely on vibe...if i can't tell then i can't tell and i usually start up a conversation about gayish issues or like eliza, musicians with a largely gay fanbase...i would hate to be caught assuming someone is gay based on their mannerisms... but sometimes i guess people just buy into the stereotype...it's like a calling card...it's harder to find gay people if you yourself are not blatantly gay.
  12. Hippy_Smurf

    Hippy_Smurf Member

    I don't seem to be able to spot bi/lesbian girls around where I live, because at the minute everyone and their dog seems to be into androgenous clothing/hairstyles etc. Gay guys are quite easy to spot. I live in a scruffy town, so they're usually the ones who look like they took a shower and made an effort to wear clean clothes and do their hair.

    Someone turn my gaydar on damnit!
  13. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    really? maybe thats why everyone thinks i'm straight then

  14. Hippy_Smurf

    Hippy_Smurf Member

    Maybe maybe. I don't know any hippy-ish gay guys round here, so I may yet be proven wrong. :)
  15. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    ive had people come up to me in clubs and say 'you can't be gay youve got long hair' oh come on

  16. Hippy_Smurf

    Hippy_Smurf Member

    Oh man! I don't get that one.
  17. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    i think she thought that all gay men where polished neat and very clean and long hair on men didn't go with the gay image.
    shes basically sterotyping, which is what most of us have been doing on this thread if you think about it

  18. Hippy_Smurf

    Hippy_Smurf Member

    I'd say generalising and working on past experiences of the people we meet - who's gay and who's not.
  19. ZePpeLinA

    ZePpeLinA Jump around!

    i think many people will think I'm a lesbian cos I dress different to other girls, i couldnt care less, cos even though I might consider myself as "straight" I'm keeping my mind open to anything, anyone...I'm dont look girly, i'm much more alternative looking so i guess people assume I'm one cos of that. either way i'm not bothered.
  20. Samhain

    Samhain Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    LOL so you haven't met the ones that are butcher than bluiders yet?


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