What is up with her? Advice please...

so I really need some advice on a current situation. SO there is this girl I met last year in college, and the moment we met she was drawn to me. The four girls there started talking about sex and stuff and I said how I had been with girls and guys ( I am a lipstick lesbian). This was last year, ok anyways ever since that point we’ve been hanging out A LOT. A few wknds after the night we met, she kept saying how Im so beautiful , but she would never DO stuff like that ( meaning gay). Well next thing I know later in the night she came onto me and we were making out all night, I cant even count how many times. Well, ever since then we have been hanging out, making out, cuddling and sleeping ( by sleeping i mean just sleeping) together, etc. Things have been great, because we are Really good friends, but we also have this whole other thing going on which makes it awesome. I am not in love with her bc I am in love with another girl who went to the military ( shes in the closet/denial so that’s a whole nother story)…. But I do enjoy what we have. and i keep my guard up since this girl is confusing. She has made moves on me whether it be in front of guys, or just us. I am usually NEVER the one to make the 1st move due to the fact that she wont admit that she is not straight. Also, we are just friends too so I wouldn’t want for something to happen and mess up the friendship. However, she gets openly jealous whenever I am dancing on a guy, or guys hit on me or whatever. I don’t get why she would get jealous if we are just friends? As well, she sometimes goes over the top trying to talka bout guys in front of people or she will even try to hangout with guys in front of me and she says how theyre hot. So she has no right to be jealous about the things I do, right? She grabs my ass a lot too and she also sometimes seems to be resisting her urge to do more with me. However, recently she has been acting very weird, about 3 weeks ago she was acting distant and not being herself and didn’t text me at all so I knew something was up. well, the weekend came around so I asked what was up for the night and it was clear she was trying to avoid me. Well we ended up meeting up , but she was acting so weird, after a while, everyone wanted to go to a bar, she came in line with us then literally was like “ I I just have to go idk I just cant” and literally like ran away and left. Wtf?...then the next week she was acting weird still and she started telling me how shes been feeling really guilty and ashamed of things shes done, she wouldnt give me an answer when I asked what. She said she feels she’s lost the lord and idk all this other stuff…. Lol. Well then low and behold that night after this convo, she comes over to my place and we have a few beers and she starts getting real jealous when this other guy was clearly interested in me and she told him “ SHes mine!” then she kept trying to ket me to drink more and stuff then she came onto me and we started making out and her hands were runnin all over my body like I have never seen before! And I was leaning my head back and she kept looking into my eyes then would kiss me ( it was so hot) lol. Uhhh but yea. Then last wknd we got drunk with a few other people and a gay guy we r friends with and she out of nowhere goes to me “ LGBT woooohoo!” and I was like, wtf? Lol, then she goes “ LGBT !! right?” and I just didn’t respond. Wtf? Lol. So anyways, last night I was at her place and she stopped me in her room and goes “ can I ask u a question I want u to be honest” I go “ uhhh ok? Lol” she goes “ do u have feelings for me?” then I go “ we are friends…. I like what we do but no” ( obviously im not gonna tell her I have small feelings for her since she has no clue what her sexuality is and I don’t wanna look like an idiot..). Well then she goes “ really, you don’t??” and I was like “ no” she was like “ ohhh ok, well ok that’s good cuz I just wanted to make sure you didn’t fall for me or anything because we have been hanging out a lot” I said “ lol we hang out cuz we are friends…” she goes “ Yeah well I know sometimes when you are friends with a person and there is clearly something else going on, over time you can fall for the person and it can scare you” and I go “ uhhhh no?” lol. She kept saying how she is so straight. But then she goes “ we still can makeout right?” LOL WTF……. And I told her no I don’t have feelings for u bc I am in love with another girl , then she goes “ well feelings can change” … also I tried getting her to open up I said “ im not dumb I know you’re going thru stuff” and she said “ yes, I have never done what we do with another girl, and it is confusing me! And I said “ u just need to turn your mind off and stop thinking about it!”……. So this whole convo turned into a whole heated yelling thing and anyways now she is avoiding me more than ever!!! In the past when I have brought up this other girl, she has gotten so mad and said she wanted to beat her up!......anyways I tried texting her last night to ask her a question about something, and she didn’t respond, so I texted her again bc we were supposed to have plans, well 4 hours later she responds saying “ sorry ive been really busy but no im not gonna go out anymore” LOL she has never waited that long to reply and I saw she had been on facebook, and she has never been this cold to me. so yea it has been 2 weeks since i saw her when we had the convo where she asked if i had feelings for her, and i have attempted to hangout with her ( and do activities like go bowling, go to the gym, etc), and she keeps making up excuses. Well, now a week later things are a BIT better better i ran into her By "coincidence" ( or meant to be) at the gym. and she sent me kissy faces on snapchat, so i thought things were heading uphill again, but then the following night i texted her asking what she was doing tonight and she responded quickly twice, but then i asked if she wanted to come to my pregame party and she didnt respond, i sent one more text 4 hours later and still got no response. sooo...yeaaa... It is clear she is avoiding seeing me. Is she playing mind games??? Which I don’t understand, if I gave her the answer she truly wanted ( which was that I like her just as a friend), why would she be avoiding me???!?!?! She is the one who comes onto me every time. … Is it possible she doesn’t have any feelings for me?? It is clear that she is having some issues with herself, no doubt. My friends think she is in denial and scared because she is actually falling for a girl. Any ideas what you guys think is going on with her??? Is she playing mind games, or is she just scared and doesnt want to confront her gay feelings?? or both?? What should i do next? Im not the type of person to keep chasing her if she is treating me rudely, however i am also not the type to give up on a friendship or relationship that i know the other person does care about me. I do need to have a chat with her but i wanna do it in person, what should i do? Thanks.

 

That way someone can actually read this.

 

I wouldn't even talk to her about it, you already have several times. Whats the point in doing it again?

It sounds like you already know her issue. You said she's not willing to admit that she isn't straight. It sounds like she is confused and conflicted by her recent interest in being bi/gay. I mean, thats something she needs to sort out on her own. If you try to push her or anything she might end up resenting you, plus thats something a person should discover on their own imho.

 

I'm going to put this quite bluntly and honestly. As a helpless romantic, I would like to smash your head into a wall because its so simple:

She's in love with you.

It is as simple is that. The reason she's acting weird is because she #1 has not accepted the feeling that she's gay. And yeah, she does have to deal with those feelings on her own. But...why you so cold....

I can relate to this so much. Here's my theory:
When she asked you if you had feelings for her and you flat out said no, I bet you anything she was secretly wishing for a yes. A reassurance that she wasn't going crazy, that the feeling was mutual and that whatever you have (had) worked. The reason things have suddenly gone uphill but not quite all the way, is because she realizes she's acting weird and that you only see her has a friend, but that she secretly loves you.

Honestly, no you shouldn't push her into coming out. But I think you should help her understand YOUR feelings and her own feelings. I'd say confront her on her acting weird, tell her she's being weird and ask her why, and be open minded, understanding, and GENTLE. Even if she does confess that she loves you, that's takes a huge amount of courage when she inevitably knows she might be shot down. Be kind.

And to indulge my hopelessly romantic side, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EVALUATE YOUR OWN FEELINGS ABOUT HER. I mean IMO, if you're in love with another woman, why are you doing these things with her?

 

@LightCloud9

thanks for all the advice and your perspective on the situation. i agree with what you said that the reason she asked if i had feeelings 4 her was because she knows she has feelings for me and was hoping i would admit it to her. I feel like that is the only reason she got mad at me after, was bc i said i dont have feelings for her. .... Yes i somewhat lied when i said i didnt have feelings for her, but she cant expect me to admit i have feelings for her when the whole time we have been friends ( and more...) she claims she is straight and even will occasionally hook up a little bit with guys. .... it is clear she is having issues dealing with the fact that she is bi ( or lesbian), but i didnt want to look like an idiot since i am the one who is openly into girls, whereas she wont fully admit it lol... u get what im saying?

i do have feelings for this girl no doubt, but i have kept myself guarded too since i knew the circumstances. if she had been treating me totally amazingly the whole time this has been going on, then i would definitely not have mentioned the other girl i have feelings for...the only reason i did that was because this girl would randomly bring up guys. but then when i would bring up this girl she would get jealous!. ... she cant have her cake and eat it too, if u know what i mean?... but yeah idk do you think she is consciously aware of her feelings for me, or she has suppressed her gay feelings so much??