What is this?...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Catalya, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. Catalya

    Catalya Member

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    I'm 19 and my boyfriend and I have been going out for about 8-9 months. For the past couple of months we've been spending a large amount of time together, every day from morning till night. We're actually about to move in with each other in a week or two, we've picked out the apartment together.

    I'm an American citizen that wants to stay in Germany, and he's helping me by paying for an apartment, necessities, and my classes. Along with him researching the different options I have by staying here.


    The thing is...he wants to get married. He tells me wants to marry me and he wants me to have his children and he's told me this multiple times. He knows that I really don't want to have kids now, so he adds "In 5 or 10 years..." after, but it slips out without the addition frequently. I should probably add that he is 30, which on surface value looks bad, but please put aside your biases for the question. He is changing his life for me right now, to support me, and build a future with me. He even said that if I went to the states he'd go with me and figure something out.
    If he were my age I would put this aside as puppy love babble, but he's 30 and been through many relationships, and decided that I'm the one.

    The reason we're moving in is because that is the only way for me to stay in Germany. It's a complicated situation. I can't afford an apartment on my own.'

    He is moving pretty fast with the other things I think as well...I've asked him before how he has been in 3 or 5 year relationship and not felt this way before. He said "You're the perfect woman for me, I may not be the perfect man for you, but you're the perfect woman for me." He's tried to get me to break up earlier, just because he believes I deserve so much better. He's said he'll support me whether we're together or not because he wants me to succeed and be happy. He even said that if I fell in love with someone else and the guy made me happy, he would help me, just to see me happy.

    Also these aren't things I want, I maintain some logic at 19, haha.
    The only thing I'm really pushing for is the apartment, so I have a stable place to live and to see how we react once we are living with each other.

    My question is...what does all of this mean? Love, infatuation, etc? Can I just get some other perspectives?

    I apologize for the lengthy post, and perspectives are appreciated, thanks.
     
  2. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

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    Kind of hard to tell..

    He seems to want a more serious relationship and he seems sort of possesive...
    and you seem younger and probably still wanting to explore other things

    how did you two meet?
    and what is it that you want? it sounds like you don't want a relationship
     
  3. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    He doesn't sound that consistent.
    He'd help you get another man just to see you happy?
    Do you have a poly agreement, and more importantly, are you poly minded?
     
  4. Catalya

    Catalya Member

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    Well I know he wants more from me,I told him I love him but am not IN LOVE with him, and he said that if I don't feel it not to say it. He feels it towards me, but he says that doesn't mean I must reciprocate. And I go out a lot with plenty of other guys and he trusts me and doesn't get angrily jealous.

    We met when it was rainy and my friend and I needed a ride home, he had his own taxi business. He's a German and we to talking about the American bases and I offered to show him all the American food goodies we have and afterwards we ended up talking for 8 hours.

    I want a relationship, but sometimes I feel hesitant. I just feel unsure sometimes, but I always love and care for him. Plus the fact that he's helping me stay here, whether we are together or apart. I also want to live in Germany, learn German, get a great education for much cheaper than all the American school bullshit, and travel. Which is what I'd be doing if I stayed here.


    He says that he loves me so much, he wants to see me happy at whatever cost that is to him. He said that if we broke up he'd still help me get my education, he said "I've wasted so much of my life spending money on stupid shit, why not help out a girl I love?"

    I'm poly-minded a little bit, like I'm pretty open-minded and have talked to him about an open-relationship and swinger's parties. For me, he isn't crazy about it, but would do it if it's what I needed, but he won't entertain the thought for himself. He sticks to having one woman he loves and that's all he needs :rolleyes:
     

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