What does marriage mean to you?

I don't see the point of marriage. The title just comes with the label. I see it as just a big show. If two people really love each other then why would they feel the need to prove it to others wasting all that time and money in the process? I wouldn't get married.

 

My divorce set me back in life which is why I’ll never marry again.

 

1. Are you/were you/would you marry and why?
Yes, I have married and would again, solely for the opportunity to wife swap.
2. Does marriage change a relationship? If so, how?
Yes, wife swapping is not possible before you have a wife.
3. Does living together in a committed partnership mean the same as marriage to you or not?
No, you can't wife swap in a non marriage relationship
4. What do you think of people who decide to live together but never marry?
They're foolish, they'll never be able to wife swap.

 

My first marriage was straight out of college; when we thought we knew everything.
We were wrong. Still friends on Facebook, though.

My second marriage was to someone who degenerated into a raging alcoholic and really mean drunk. Despite the near constant humiliation and abuse, I stuck it out.
Mercifully, it finally ended when she drunk-dialed her lover at 4:00 AM to express her undying love and devotion, and his wife put her on speakerphone. He got kicked out of his house, she ran off to him, and to her utter surprise, I changed the locks the very next morning.

My current mate, through no fault of her own, has developed an assortment of somatic complaints, all of which are undoubtedly very real, but instead of blaming fibromyalgia or lupus, she blames them in toto on a secret cabal of wicked neighbors covertly bombarding us with top-secret microwave weapons provided to them by Mexican drug cartels (in cahoots with the local community college, of course), or mysterious malevolent forces infiltrating our house through the electrical service. When I refuse to participate in her delusions, she goes all 'Linda Blair' on me; transmuting her fear into feral psychotic rage, which she focuses entirely upon me. She constantly threatens to leave (a proposition which isn't the threat she thinks it is), but she has nowhere to go; I've not the shadow of doubt that she'd end up alone on some street corner in Asheville, wearing 6 layers of dirty clothes, angrily shouting at her phantom tormentors...pretty close to what she's like at home now; ranting psychotic nonsense all day, interspersed by lengthy and highly detailed indictments of what a horrible failure I am as a husband, caregiver, and human being. I used to console myself that was just her 'crazy' talking; until I realized that her frontal cortex goes completely off-line when her sympathetic nervous system is that activated; these are actually her true feelings, straight from her amygdala, unmoderated by her brain's social filters. So I continue to care for her and provide for her, but our relationship is a barren wasteland; we're going on 5 years since we've made love; on the rare occasions she does come for a hug or reassuring touch, it's only in response to her emotional needs, not mine. My therapist suggests I go get a massage simply to remember what human touch feels like. I can't stand to look at old pictures of us, and how happy and vivacious she once was. We were once so happy and passionately in love with each other. Quoth the raven; "Nevermore!"

I'm 63, been married 3 times, studied marriage and family systems theory in college (I have a Master's in Social Work), and you want to know what I've discovered? I don't know shit about marriage...other than this one thing; NEVER AGAIN!
I'll never allow myself to be trapped in a position to be abused ever again!

 

1. Are you/were you/would you marry and why?
I have been married. I currently live with my (F) partner (read of that what you will lol).
2. Does marriage change a relationship? If so, how?
Marriage doesn't necessarily change the relationship but the people change post-wedding (as they grow and as the marriage evolves) and that may cause some bumps in the road.

3. Does living together in a committed partnership mean the same as marriage to you or not?
No but, it depends on context. Not married means that the commitment to stay is made continuously.
Married means a much more difficult road out, especially if children are involved. (staying together for the sake of the children should not be considered imv).
Married can mean less of an effort to demonstrate the commitment, when compared to when living together.
When married, some people can 'rest on their laurels' and act as though, because married, they can place demands on their partner because they can.
That may mean sexual denials or compulsions or it may be control of who can or can't be friends. Potentially many other -ves too.

4. What do you think of people who decide to live together but never marry?
It's actually none of my business so I think anyone who has a thought about such people should keep it to themselves.

Later in life; marriage may be a good thing, if you still love each other. There can be numerous tax benefits and perhaps lesser death duties.
It can also be a trophy and a real feel-good for the one dying because they may absolutely relish that after so many years together, he/she 'still wanted to marry me'.

Much more powerful, imv, than renewing vows.

 

1. Are you/were you/would you marry and why? I am married but wouldn't again. This one has been enough. Not because of any bad things as she has been the best thing for me. We married because our family frowned on us living together at the time. But yet her brother could shack up with his girl and nothing was said. We both would have been just as happy living together and forming a family without the ceremony. Family pressure, basically her parents, caused us to go through with a wedding ceremony so we did.

2. Does marriage change a relationship? If so, how? It changed ours. No more having to drag ourselves out of the bed and get her back home to her helicopter parents after spending the evening together. Out dates always ended up with us having sex. We would then fall asleep in each others arms until her father called and reminded her of her curfew. Even after we were married we had to send her parents home or tell them to stay away so we could be together. Out sex lives really amped up after marriage. No more having to get up and take her home meant we could have sex as often as we wanted, which was a lot.

3. Does living together in a committed partnership mean the same as marriage to you or not? Yes it does. Being committed by just saying so and agreeing to it counts just as much as paying the government for a license and having someone tell you, you are committed. There's no changing the feelings you have for your partner by having someone, a pastor or judge, tell you this. Besides, if you, as a couple, want to go separate ways you can just pack up and leave. If you want to own joint property, cars and housing, it can be done without marriage. By law there are some advantages to marriage but it is not necessary.

4. What do you think of people who decide to live together but never marry? Have friends that have done so. For many years even to death of one or the other. Seems to me they are just as married as I am without the ceremony. Committing yourself to another person, or several people as in polygamy, doesn't need to be announced at an altar or courtroom. Just love and care for the partner(s) you have until you decide to go separate ways. Being together with a person, caring for them, without that ceremony is just a good as with. It has been proven that the ceremony doesn't prevent a divorce. In fact it causes one to happen half the time.

 

1. yes.. married 46 years.. a few tough times but mostly she's the same girl who met me in a pub in Marina del Rey (Los Angeles beach area) after I'd been back from 'Nam and partying to forget about it for five years.. she was from PEI, Canada and my grandmother came here from PEI (Dewar clan).. this girl saw more in me than I thought still remained..

we co-habitated for a year and got married.. an amazing journey through life that we've shared.. genetically the males in my family live 90-100 years.. her parents died in their 60s.. she just had a TIA and her cholesterol is wacky (like her parents').. we have two adult kids who just gave us two granddaughters.. after college they both moved back to this little mountain town (60-90 miles from two cities of about 200,000 ea), got good jobs, bought homes and then? the pandemic.. home values are up 43% here in three years and they felt safe enough to start families.. they both live less than 4 miles away..

now we're babysitters.. and happy to help out.. we had NO ONE to help after leaving LA in '80 and moving to Redding, CA.. bought new house in subdivision on 1/3 acre in city limits in '84, had both kids in '80s.. we worked (she's an RN.. I was in lumber sales, returned to college (150 mi RT three times weekly) & worked 24 hrs a week.. had a career as interstate auditor/investigator for CA State gvmt..

as hard as we had it, it was FUN.. best years of our lives.. but kids these days have it much harder.. economy boomed in mid '80s but wages? I made $8.75 /hr selling lumber and we bought a house.. that $8.75 is same as $27/hr today.. where do lumberyards pay $27/hr??

during my 470,000 miles driving to do interstate audits I saw a lot of broken marriages and heartbroken parents whose kids went to college, met someone, got married and live back east.. if lucky, they see their kids once annually ( traveling to a hub and getting to a remote town is a full day of travel)..

2. marriage only changed our relationship in that if there's no formalized commitment, it's much easier to just walk away when times are rough.. we've had friends break up along the way; many wish they hadn't.. sad..

3. closely associated with #2. to me it 'changes' relationship in a positive way..

4. it never bothered me in the slightest to associate with others who had long-term 'informal' marriages.. if you THINK you're a couple and TRY to make it so, then you ARE a couple..

 

She doesn’t have to be your wife to swap.

 

true

swapping girlfriends and threesomes were a big part of my life before I got married.. hell, I had a place in Venice Beach and a housewife asked me to cut a closet rod for her.. then she asked if I could show her how to insert it properly,,

anyway, she was 36, I was 23.. then she introduced three other housewife friends of hers.. it became a rotating thing for 6 months or so.. they were 'at the gym' from 6:30-8:30.. then I'd shower & go out for the night..

sometimes they'd come by the same night.. I had to learn to juggle schedules.. waaay before smartphones..

but "we" never swapped.. it's still fun after all these years.. just not as frequent..

 

1.Yep…about to hit the 57 years of marriage mark.

2. Seemed like it did ours. We were both sure we wanted to be get married and in 1966 pregnancy provided the nudge. Raised the commitment level a lot…the extra glue over the inevitable rocky patches.

3. It does to me. In our years together my wife has been more adventurous sexually but that has been OK…married or not it would be.

4. I think any combination of living together or marriage can work, depending on the specific couple.

What a long and amazing adventure it’s proven to be!

 

1)I'd love to get marry for two reasons to be with the man I love & a whole family.
2) Things change after marriage a lot of responsibilities, everything's is pricy.
3) you have living together for awhile before the wedding
4)Some ppl choice not get marry for many reasons like if things don't workout they divorce. People with kids Babymama wants her share.