What does marriage mean to you?

Discussion in 'All in the Family' started by lively_girl, Jul 8, 2013.

  1. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    I've recently been to a wedding and talking to people of different generations, it couldn't be more obvious that understanding of marriage is changing with time and means something different to different people. So my question is: what does marriage mean to you?

    1. Are you/were you/would you marry and why?
    2. Does marriage change a relationship? If so, how?
    3. Does living together in a committed partnership mean the same as marriage to you or not?
    4. What do you think of people who decide to live together but never marry?

    I hope we can get some different views here and create a good discussion. Thank you for your answers :)

    Edit: My personal stand is that I'm undecided. I've been living with my partner for a few years now and to us it is the same as marriage. I don't believe anything will change with marriage and don't feel like I particularly need it. There is the social aspect of it - organizing a celebration for the family and friends that I do like.
  2. FlyingFly

    FlyingFly Dickens

    I have no experience whatsoever, but personally I don't need marriage to love someone and be with them.

    I don't want to get married unless my partner will really want it.
  3. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

    when my boyfriend and I first got together we talked about how neither of really believed in marriage or saw a point in marriage. Now we have a child and we're discussing the possibility of maybe getting married one day in the far off future after a 5 year engagement.

    I don't really know because I've noticed a tendency for my girlfriends that are married to get really secretive about their relationship after they get married. When they're just dating or engaged they'll spill all the details but mum seems to be the word after the ring is on the finger.

    I would hope it either doesn't change at all or it deepens the connection.

    It does. the only reason my boyfriend and I are even considering marriage at all is because we want the ceremony and the time spent with friends celebrating our love. I wouldn't expect anything to change afterwards.

    Its something personal between two people.

    also its a lot cheaper if you do split up haha.
  4. eggsprog

    eggsprog anti gang marriage HipForums Supporter

    Married for two years now, mostly did it because we wanted to throw a party where our extended families could meet each other.

    Not for us, except for some tax benefits


    The same as people who marry
  5. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    I married my now-husband after being together for 6 years, and living together for 1 year. There's was a significant difference in how I felt being a married women. It was a vow that he dedicated himself to me and it made me feel honored. Of course now, many here know our marriage is in big trouble. I contributed a lot to how bad it's gotten, as he did too. Marriage needs to change with the people that are in it. Years go by and we need to show need, and show caring in an adaptable manner. So marriage means to me that we grow and learn and listen.
  6. Tyrsonswood

    Tyrsonswood Senior Moment

    It was a vow... We both took those same vows. She didn't keep hers, I kept mine. I filed for divorce after she did the same thing a second time. Come to find out later I wasn't the second husband but the 6th... Also anything that was mentioned in private was immediately told to the person that we were talking about. :leaving: <<< That's trust heading out the window.

    Anyways, a vow is very a important thing to me and it's that difference that makes a marriage different than just living together or being "significant others". (hate that term but others use it) Don't enter into marriage unless you mean it.
  7. eggsprog

    eggsprog anti gang marriage HipForums Supporter

    I like the tern partner instead of fiance or husband/wife or significant other.
  8. laughing-buddha

    laughing-buddha Relax and have fun

    1. Are you/were you/would you marry and why?

    Married 17 years ago. Parents wanted everything on time, so just obeyed them

    2. Does marriage change a relationship? If so, how?

    I don't know. We didn't have any relationship before marriage.

    3. Does living together in a committed partnership mean the same as marriage to you or not?

    Yes, I think, it should be same as marriage

    4. What do you think of people who decide to live together but never marry?

    They are afraid of committing themselves.
  9. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    To me, it means something I can't achieve until my SO is older.

    I guess a few different reason. One, marrying will make my parents happy, lol. Two, it MIGHT make my SO happy. I haven't really talked to her about it just yet. Three, it will make things easier in terms of the legal stuff, health care, education, once we have kids.

    I don't believe it necessarily should.

    No, because merely living together means simply that: living together. Marriage involves something that is pretty much a legal contract.

    Sure, why not?
  10. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    Thank you for your answers, everybody :)

    Here living with a partner for a certain amount of time makes the relationship legally equivalent to marriage, unless they weren't eligible for marriage in the first place (married but living with someone else without formal divorce, etc...)

    But is the vow you take in front of witnesses worth more than what you say to your partner when you are defining your relationship? Shouldn't what you say only to your partner mean just as much?

    The rest of your post was tough...it got me thinking though:
    Is trust the most important thing in a marriage or partnership?

    I would say that the basis for any good relationship is respect.
    What do you think?
  11. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    The basis of every good marriage is affection and that they are a good friend.
  12. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    So love, trust and respect are all essential.
  13. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    Those are lofty byproducts of being a good friend.
  14. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    I don't think I'd define them as merely byproducts. Well ok, you said lofty byproducts :p
  15. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    I think they result from people being good people. They aren't something you can begin with.
  16. Piaf

    Piaf Senior Member

    1. I am not married, I probably will get married sometime in the future. I am religious, so to me it's a sacrament.
    2. It probably does. I have grown up surrounded by successful marriages, cheating and divorce is not something I am used to. From what I have seen, it takes a lot of sacrifice and work. If two people aren't willing to share their lives and grow together, they probably shouldn't be getting married. It's not going to be all nice and peachy. Also, I think they should have same values and want the same things.
    3. No.
    4. Their choice, their right, but it's not for me.
  17. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

    Those things result IN becoming good people. It doesn't happen the other way around. You start with caring, respecting etc. which forms a person. A 'good person' is basically only an opinion. Why people are considered good or not is generally determined by their behaviour which involves the ability to love, respect, trust etc..
  18. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    People try to be good, and a good friend, despite whether they are love, respected, or trusted. Inevitably those things result when earned.
  19. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    Oh, you mean like a common-law type thing?
  20. lively_girl

    lively_girl Member

    Probably? I'm not sure what common-law type thing is :)

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