What Does It Take To Me Gay

what does it take to be gay

 

gay



[gey] Spell Syllables

• Word Origin

adjective, gayer, gayest.1.
of, relating to, or exhibiting sexual desire orbehavior directed toward a person or persons ofone's own sex; homosexual:
a gay couple.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gay

 

At times, simple questions require complex answers.

Modern psychology sees even a sheer sexual desire towards the people of the same sex as sufficient grounds for describing someone as gay.
In practical, interhuman, communication terms, this really means that you are rich because you desire to be rich. Briefly, it works for the shrinks, but does not work for the next-door-guy who may be interested in jumping your bones here and now.

Until recently, being gay really meant that a person had established a pattern of sexual behavior with the people of the same sex. A str8 dude who once or twice experimented with his roommate, and went to have sex with girls stayed str8 (and not gay) because the key word here is the "pattern". Yet, if a guy said he was gay, he meant he was usually having sex with other guys. It had nothing to do with his fantasies and desires. He was a functioning gay man.

With the growing recognition of the pink dollar/euro/pound, and the rise of the gay lib, "gay" as of the late '70s, started to denote a specific spectrum of lifestyles, too. To some dudes, it meant the compulsory leather jacket; to the others it meant flying the rainbow flag, wearing those color coded hankies, etc.

These days, being "gay" in most metro areas of Europe, Australia, and the Americas really means that you are spending the required amount of your income on specific brands of underwear, while frequenting specific gyms with religious regularity, etc. Being gay boils down to embracing specific values.

Quite a few people reject the consumerist definitions of their sexual orientation, and are embracing their own homosexuality without making it widely known, by the markers of the specific lifestyle affiliations. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down-low_%28sexual_slang%29

The stigma associated with being gay has been largely lifted in many countries. No doubt, a number of men with more pronounced bisexual tendencies are now more likely to engage in m2m sex. With so many people around being openly gay, having sex with another man, and being rightly or wrongly described as "gay" really does not matter that much anymore.

The notion of m2m NSA sex saw a relative decline in its levels of public acceptance during the key years of the LGTB inspired struggle for the gay lib, equal rights, gay marriage etc. Gaining widespread public acceptance meant that the gay folks largely agreed to mimic the ideals of the heterosexual, monogamous, white picket fence middle class people whose support was essential in winning the political/legal struggle against the widespread discrimination.

In the meantime, the notion of situational homosexuality has been experiencing a small renaissance of its own, too. A few gay men recognize that monogamy and other heterosexual aspects of "respectable living" may not be entirely to their liking. NSA hookup apps are booming. And a few mostly str8 men recognize that being str8 does not really mean the complete exclusion of having occasional sex with other men.

KD

 

My personal definition is more narrow - gay means both a desire for sex with and the possibility of a relationship with, someone of the same sex.
I've experimented with gay sex and found it mostly enjoyable but have absolutely zero desire to date or be in a romantic relationship with a man.
To me, the sex is just a recreational activity.
Hence, I don't consider myself gay under my definition.
I use the term bi-curious for lack of a better term.

 

I'm the same way. I've experimented and enjoyed gay sex, but I don't find men particularly attractive the way I do women. I just have desires to have sex with them - but never with any particular man. I did have an affair in grad school for about a year and a half that I really enjoyed, but I was never romantically involved with him or dated him, it was just pure sexual release. After that I got married and moved on from doing that - but I still miss it a lot. I really just say I am straight though. I suppose semantics though are not important.

 

The idea that a man may want to be romantically involved with another man in order to qualify as a gay man is an echo of the pervading heterosexual norms. Women typically require some sort of romantic involvement before consenting to a sexual act. Typically, men do not. This phenomenon is explained by the low evolutionary cost of the sexual intercourse for men as opposed to the very high evolutionary cost of the sexual intercourse for females.

I have come across quite a few guys who do not enjoy any romantic involvement with other men. Their interest in other men is limited to the sexual experience only. At times, such men described themselves as being 'homosexual' but not gay. The idea of this distinction is that the word "gay"came to denote a lifestyle which involved m2m romance, whereas the "homosexual" meant having m2m sex without any of the trappings of the gay lifestyle; m2m romance, coming out, etc. Some men admitted that they saw themselves as practicing situational homosexuals, meaning that they actively sought sex with other men in an environment that lacked available females.

I strongly believe that everyone should define (or choose not to define) their sexual orientation as they find fit. Yet, I would find it difficult to believe that someone is anything-curious if he establishes a pattern of continuously exploring his curiosity. Sure, everyone is curious to a degree. Some people are relatively daring, and act and explore their interests on one or two or possibly three various occasions. Attempting to satisfy your sexual curiosity over and over again may be stretching it a bit too far for all the practical purposes.

Defining your sexuality may be of relatively little importance to yourself. You are who you are, and you enjoy the things you enjoy. Putting any particular name to it is of little importance to you, personally. Communicating your sexual orientation, preference, etc. to the others is however, a matter of greater significance. Letting the others know that you may be sexually or romantically (or both) interested is a matter of practicality when it comes to daily living.

KD