What does it mean to "be a man"?

Well, being a man, now theres a question, it encompasses so many things and i've learned a lot of them the hard way over the years, but I think the old phrase 'a man for all seasons' best fits this one, because life, like the year has different seasons, I've had troubles in my past, I've fought with weapons when i've had to, I've got involved in stuff that wasnt anything to do with me just to protect someone weaker. I've cursed and swore when thinhs have gone wrong, I've wrangled heavy bits of machinery into position at work, those same hands delivered my daughter into this world, the same strong arms held her and looked at her in wonder, amazed at how i'd been involved in the creation of something so beautiful. I've sat there and cried at things i've seen on tv, and at the deaths of good friends and relatives. I've helped the injured at fires and road accidents, ran towards a hazard when everyone else was running from it. I've hurt people who needed hurting and protected people who need protecting, I was physically abused by a couple of teachers at school, I suffer from depression and PTSD, I've had a few suicide attempts and at the moment I am out of work. Yet I am not afraid of coming on here and telling you about it, so i guess that in reality I am 'a man for all seasons'.

 

In ancient Rome, masculinity was considered a core aspect of one's reputation and honor. There were several societal expectations that men needed to fulfill to be considered masculine and respectable citizens.
One of the primary markers of masculinity in Rome was physical strength. Men were expected to be strong and physically capable, able to endure hardships and protect their families and communities. Strength was particularly important for soldiers, as physical combat was seen as an essential attribute of military prowess.
Another central feature of Roman masculinity was a willingness to sacrifice oneself for the greater good, be it for the state or the family. This meant being willing to serve in the military and defend one's community, even if it meant putting oneself in harm's way.
Athleticism and competition were also considered essential attributes of masculine identity in ancient Rome. Men would participate in various athletic competitions, such as wrestling or chariot racing, to demonstrate their physical prowess and skill.
Additionally, intellectual pursuits were vital to Roman masculinity, as men needed to be well-educated and knowledgeable about various subjects to be considered cultured. They were expected to be able to think critically and to be skilled rhetoricians capable of engaging in persuasive discourse.
In conclusion, several attributes characterized ancient Roman masculinity, including physical strength, willingness to serve others over oneself, athleticism, intellectual prowess, and persuasive rhetoric.
Of course, all these culture has change and now the masculinity is more a kind of feeling.

 

Observations from my culture (pardon my rather sarcastic tone, some of this stuff just really pisses me off, slight rant incoming):

- Get a job as soon as possible. Unemployment is shameful and makes you a social parasite and a leech, who should kill himself. A real man is a mountain, who is able to provide for himself and his family without needing handouts or help. (To hell with the fact that right-wing libertarians have all but destroyed the job market, which does not exist anymore as it once existed in the 60's/70's/80's.)

- Move out of your parent's house as quickly as possible. Staying with them makes you a pathetic, impotent, prancing la-la homo bitch mama's boy.

- Have as many successful sexual conquests as possible, while preferably avoiding taking any responsibility of the potential consequences. A real man will cheat with as many women as possible. While not using a rubber. A veneral disease is a badge of honor.

- Learn to take your liquor. A real man is expected to have a little bit of out-of-control alcoholism. A list of fuck-ups, preferably the size of a phone book, done under the influence of alcohol is a badge of honor.

- Don't you be one of dem hou-mou sekshuals. That's like, totally gay and makes you a bitch.

- Don't be an autist, or anything else neuro-atypical. That's like totally fake and a made up illness, and makes you gay and unmasculine and open season to all sorts of shaming. (I'm on the spectrum, and I've literally been told to my face that I'm unworthy as a partner/boyfriend for that reason.)

Generally speaking, being a man in western society is a very narrow mold, and seems to favor doing all sorts of reckless and irresponsible low-IQ shit over, you know, being smart and sensible in order to fit in it. It boils down to this: you must have plenty of heterosexual conquests, preferably at minimum in the double digits, and must have deliberately put yourself in harms way in some idiotic stunts, and risk literal death, to be seen as a real man in the west. Remember Jackass? They were popular for a reason.

The reason for my bitter tone? I've only been partially able to satisfy the above list, and so I guess I'm not good enough to be a man. As it turns out, not many people want the company of an autistic straight edge, who's on disability benefits and openly resents pointless risk-taking.

This is complicated, and I can only speak for myself, but I've become wary of any long term relationships precisely because they're brittle and don't seem to last. This makes investing in them seem like a mug's game, because a divorce for example could become costly to the point of crippling you, if for example you have a house loan hanging over your head, and possibly children, requiring you to pay child support on top of that. The pussy, and the touch and warmth of a girl's skin does feel good, but if a total financial disaster is the price to pay for that joy, it quickly becomes unattractive when you silence your dick for a moment, and really just think about it.

I also don't enjoy the prospect of having a bitter ex ruin my reputation by spreading malicious rumors about me (I've seen it happen, was quite nasty). I honestly don't welcome experiences like these into my life. While a part of me still wants a girl, it cannot be at the expense of everything else in my life. And this is what makes me wary of the opposite sex. Because it could end badly in a way that makes it not enjoyable anymore.

 

“To Be A Man”
Boston

 

I wonder whether it was a male or a female mod who banned him.

 

I think a man is someone who can summon the will for whatever needs to be done. A man doesn't watch his family suffer if there's any possibility of easing it. He should be willing to protect his family with his life. If there's a problem that needs fixing, a man should find the best solution regardless of silly ego. A man loves his children and will pass along everything he knows will help.

Dependable. Adaptable. Critical Thinker.

 

Answering what it is to be a man can be complicated and different for different people in different situations. But this thing about men not really liking women that this therapist put up is quite bizarre. As a man I see women as a blessing to our kind. Were born from a woman, a woman nurtures us an brings us up. We are gifted with sisters and blessed with daughters and finaly a partner who is willing to stand by your side. Ive seen women who have gone to hel and back for a man or with a man. And I believe its a woman who truly builds and bonds a home and family. Men not liking women seems very far from reality.

 

For me, a man is a person who walks alone does not follow the crowd but makes his own way. A man, listens to others point a view and respects there ways of thinking but, in the end, follows his own beliefs. He is kind, loving and respectful and willing to put himself in danger for the protection and betterment of his people.

 

I think the therapist takes it too far. When people say "be a man", I don't think it means that being a woman is bad. I think it categorizes things (actions, feelings, preferences, ...) in a boy box and a girl box. It does not mean to me that the girl box is bad, just that for those people girls should stay in the girl box and boys in the boys box, if that makes sense. My personal opinion would be that it is all BS. Turns out both women and men have feelings. But I would say that NO, men do not hate women, some just fear falling into the other box. Many women can actually be wonderful people. And men can like a woman as a person

 

To answer your first two questions, I would say that very little actually describes what a man is. When you break free of the two boxes I talked about in my previous message, you find that it is more of an old social construct than something that is. Men can cry, be weak, be sensitive, and even love other men. I could describe masculinity in a cliché way (a big strong bearded individual leaking testosterone from all his orifices) but most men won't fit that narrative. My advice would be to not worry about what masculinity is and how to be a man. It is hard to un-learn what you might have learned from the older generations, but ultimately you will just be yourself and that's all that matters

 

A Man will follow Jesus

 

How would you describe masculinity? How were you taught to be a man?

Respect God above all else, respect women, be tough but also care, work through things spiritually, mentally, and physically, love women and treat them amazingly because they are amazing, that’s the way God made them.


A secondary question would be, do you think men actually like women, not just for what women can do for them sexually or otherwise(having children, cooking, cleaning, etc..) but just as people?

Most definitely I do! My wife is the most amazing woman in the world but male or female – an arse is still and arse, so if a person is a bully, jerk, unkind/caring, I lose respect for them no matter the gender.

 

How to Be a Man: (and other illusions): McKagan, Duff ...

 

Being a “man” doesn’t mean anything in particular. When raising kids, both need to rise to the occasion. There’s nothing that’s really that gendered out there. Yeah, I like my guns and cars, fixing cars, etc., but while that’s traditionally masculine it isn’t exclusively so. I also happen to think a good man is emotional, not tied to perfection, loyal, and honest. And a lot of that is the same for women. Human trumps all of that.

 

To be as swift as a coursing river?

I like my guys protective but loving and gentle. Good with kids and pets. I don't get the idea that men always have to hide their own emotions?

Idk, humans are complicated little beasts. Every guy is as different as every chick.

 

Do better after someone do you wrong

 

I’m questioning this myself. I don’t like to gender some activities - it’s common, for instance, for men to cook (chefs?), or do grocery shopping. If you’re single, you’re doing your own laundry. Women and men have things they kind of tend to be interested in - self-sorting in a way, things like knitting or guns. I don’t, however, think that if I had an interest in knitting that I’d be undermining my own masculinity, and women have long been given license to do things men have not. For instance, lesbian porn vs gay (man) porn. There’s a really big difference in acceptance. For me personally, being a man means having a bit of a utilitarian view as to your activities and skills. Hobbies are hobbies, so a man who likes to garden and knit and cook isn’t less masculine than a man who rebuilds carburetors, reloads ammo, and dresses in bright colors. Freedom for me is less assuming about what is masculine or feminine and more about accepting folks for who they are and not casting aspersions because their interests don’t fall along some imagined gender line.