What does it mean to "be a man"?

How would you describe masculinity? How were you taught to be a man?

I saw this video on TikTok recently that said men don't actually "like" women. Since I can't put that video format here I am linking an article that was written about it. In the video a therapist said this,
"The most eye-opening thing I ever learned about men was from human sexuality class in college where the professor told us that men don't actually like women. He said that the way that our society socializes boys to "become men" is not to tell them how to be men. It's just to teach them how to not be women.
"Don't cry. Be a man."
"Don't be a pussy. Be a man."
"Don't be weak. Be a man."
"Don't be sensitive. Be a man."
"Don't like those things. Those are girls' things."
And the tool we use to do that kind of socializing to steer them away from feminine things, is shame. You just can't go your whole life being told that the worst thing you could do is be like a woman and expect to actually like women at the end of that. They are also taught that their sexual attractiveness to women and ability to get women is a status symbol in front of other men. So they will sexually pursue women, but they don't actually like them as people. This is how patriarchal masculinity socializes men, and why shame, violence
and disgust are so intricately linked."

A secondary question would be, do you think men actually like women, not just for what women can do for them sexually or otherwise(having children, cooking, cleaning, etc..) but just as people?

 

Answer #1: Though I agree with the professor that men are taught all those things, I totally disagree with the statement that “Men are taught to not like women” I’m not sure why he would think that, unless he was personally taught that by his dad or other male family members (I.e. grandfathers, uncles, etc.) The generation I grew up with was taught to respect women- and nothing less than that. And we were also taught to never hit women. Be a gentleman and open the door for women. Those are just a few examples that I think counter what the professor is saying.

Answer #2: We don’t just like women for all those things, we actually love them for all of those things that you mentioned. But for some of us, there’s deeper feelings than just cooking, cleaning, and the sexual pleasures. We really, really love it when women stand up for us, stand beside us and help us get through tough times, can trust them with our deepest secrets, and ultimately be our best friends. For me, that’s the complete package of a woman that I want to be with for the rest of my life

 

I think I really can't relate to any of that. I don't recall any of those "Dont's". Plenty of don't touch (in case I might break it) / don't fiddle (with the switches in the car. I used to have all the lights on and the wipers, so when Dad came back and turned on the ignition, everything was 'on'). lol

I think I was brought up to be truthful, considerate, tolerant and forgiving and other labels that would merge with those. (not that I'm claiming to be a high achiever). And also to do my best no matter what career path I might choose.

As for women, I can only speak generally because they are all as different from each other as guys are.
In general, I love them!
I have immense respect and great admiration for women and the way they just get on and do stuff, whether in work or domestically, often holding themselves together as they do it, despite a raft of personal issues and concerns/worries they are battling. I may joke with some female friends that multi-tasking is the art of mediocrity, because to do something perfectly, it should be focussed on.
However, they know I really think the reality is that in multi-tasking, women get more stuff done to say 85% perfection, where as a guy focusing single-mindedly on something, he might get just one thing done in the time, to a perfection rate of 85%. (relative not specific percentages). (I'm not speaking about open-heart surgery which I hope would be focussed on but there, again, women have proven themselves to be more than equal in that environment too).

So, yes, I like women. Some actually fascinate me both mentally and physically. In relation to both genders, I'm not attracted to someone whose beauty is only skin-deep. I may look and fantasise and chat but when I may find beauty to be superficial, I lose generally lose interest.

 

It means you have to accept that women resent you. Live with it.

 

The therapist is an ass to make a broad statement like that. Percentages--again. A certain % of men probably do hate women, a certain % do not hate them but tolerate them , a certain % are neutral on the subject, and a certain % love them and think that they are in general, a better class of people ---like me. After all--who starts all the wars in history? Who runs most of the rip off businesses in the world? Who kidnaps , rapes and kills whom? Hell, I grew up in the 40s--50s with all the stereotypes and believed them all, I suppose. Women belong in the kitchen, pregnant and don't even think about working. Don't worry about what they think about anything--just look at that fine ass and hope you can get them drunk and get some. Then --TELL all your buddies about it--spread that shit around . Yup. Big man. They "have " to buy and plaster all kind crap on their faces ---pretty much a life long endeaver. They have to manage bleeding every month for a great portion of their lives. They are the ones that have to go through creating brand new humans. IMO, they deserve more respect than men any day of the week.

 

Men love women a lot more than women love men.

 

You're speaking for women? I guess that's your experience.

 

You typed: "Bummer. I was looking forward to seeing a hot chick in a leopard print dress." I can see why you typed post 6.

 

Wrong thread, scratcho.

 

Nope.

 

Okay then. Not too weird.

 

I really don't think that is true. A women might resent a specific man but I don't think that most women resent men as a whole.

Take you for example, I don't like a lot of the things you say but I don't resent you. I think maybe you have been hurt a lot by a woman or maybe several but I would like to think that you have the potential to be a decent person.

 

Do not.

 

I stand corrected, I will no longer give you the benefit of the doubt that you are just sad and misguided but you truly are just the bigoted, sexist person you seem to be.

 

You have changed to overcome how you were brought up but by your own admission you were taught by society to think this way about women so the professor (the therapist quoted their college professor) wasn't exactly wrong.

 

I'm a prick.

 

Well acceptance is the first step to recovery. lol

 

Like being an alcoholic?

 

Hank Willams Jr. said it best. A country Boy can Survive..

 

Over the years I have had a female friends. I never viewed them as "potential sex partners" they were good friends. And our long conversations often covered numerous subjects. I never viewed them as just girl talk or guy talk . They were always discussions between friends. The same as my wife having male friends.

The old saying that a guy or gal can't have " just friends of the opposite sex" is just BS as far as I am concerned.