What Do You Wish To Share With Your Kids?

Hey guys!

Since I knew I was expecting a son, I stared wondering about what part of my culture and heritage I wanted to pass along to him. I don't make a rigid plan about what kind of education I want him to get, I mostly see this as a wishlist of values I want to pass along and things I want to introduce him to. Still, I think this is a very important part of parenting and people should think about it seriously (and, preferably I guess, before the kids are born). My personal list includes...

- Music, all kinds, all periods: classical, old school rock'n'roll, hard rock, legends of rock music, me and my husband's personal favorites, etc.;
- Gardening;
- Cooking/baking;
- Reading;
- Fine arts: painting, sculpture, photography, theatre, dance;
- Respect of other people and their differences;
- Respect of Nature and the environment;
- Healthy dieting and lifestyle habits (including exercice, responsible alcohol/drugs use and comprehensive sexual education);
- Critical thinking and openness towards religion and the many different religious beliefs;
- Critical thinking, period;
- Biking;
- Speak french (since he's growing up in a bilingual household and city, this one is pretty essential).

What about you guys? What is your personal list of things you want to pass along to your kids?

Thanks for sharing!

Bass

 

Awesome thread... let me think on this... I have general ideas. Broad ideas but let me try to break it down.

Optimism-the ability to get back up. to be put down, cause life WILL put you down and look up and say I CAN do this because ... because, fuck it, I can. I deserve it and I can do whatever.

Love of music and dance (well on my son's way, for his one thanksgiving "what I'm thankful for" he said "for the music I hear and dancing"...and man, we DANCE. through it all we dance and he hears good music too...EDM, indie rock, indie pop. he's obsessed with pharrell which is annoying but anyways...)

Ability to critically think

Love and respect and tolerance for all people, all cultures, all animals

Old fashioned things like respecting elders and manners (right now this is important... I have a wild almost four year old)

That not just one thing is okay, you can go your own path. You will ALWAYS have my love, acceptance and help.

Love for nature... hopefully the beach which is my heart and soul. (my son already loves it)

To think about all you say... I don't mind swear words much. In fact, I use them. Lol. Though around my kids I tame it down BUT MEAN words... words that hurt... I try to teach what matters.

reading and wring are big too.

 

I have two children (15 and 7). I had such ideas. They threw out the window within days!

I want my boys to live life, embrace it, take risks (not too dangerous). I want them to find passion for an art (my older son is getting a theater endorsement-high school; he is pretty good...has made us cry, laugh with his performances); my younger son likes drawing, painting and making things with recyclable materials.

I want them to give back...in any way they can.

We have traditions that they look forward to.

Above all, hardworking, respectful, happy,positive adults.

 

I think the most important value I want to pass onto my son is the ability to feel rich without material goods.

I want him to be able to realize how his mistakes affect others but I also want him to be able to laugh at himself when he makes a mistake and not take it all so seriously. The world is filled with enough uptight pricks already lol.

I want him to be be kind, polite, respectful.



critical thinking skills are a must. I'm always going to encourage him to question authority but respectfully.

I would love him to have a well developed sense of adventure.

and of course I want to instill in him a great love and curiosity towards nature, music, the arts

and a great love of food and culture. We don't eat out a lot but when we do its always at authentic ethnic restaurants. Thus far in his short life he has had Indian, Korean, German, Cuban, Colombian, and Japanese food and he actually liked them all. I wouldn't be able to handle a picky eater lol.

 

Ahah I hear you, when a child isn't interested in an activity there's nothing you can do! I remain open minded and realistic, if I see he doesn't enjoy or have no interest in something I introduce him to I won't push it, simple as that. He's allowed to be his own person, sure I hope me and him are gonna have common interests so we'll be able to do things and have fun together but if we happen to be completely different I'll be cool with that. (But somehow I'm sure we'll find a way to spend quality time together and bond even if that's the case, I got no worries on that one.) What I really care about is him growing up to be happy, able to take care of himself and a good person, for the rest it's up to him.

 

We have two boys that are out of the house now and our daughter at home. Here are some ideas that I think were/are important for them to know....maybe this isn't exactly what you're asking for but I think these are some very pretty important ideas. I can probably think of more later but so far...I feel like we've raised some quality individuals who do the right thing and are fiercely independent in their thinking.

The most important things in life can not be assigned a numeric value.

When people mistreat or bully others, it's because they feel bad about themselves.

You have the right to think whatever you want about anyone but you don't have a right to make them feel that way.

When you see that someone can't stand up for themselves, try to help them up or stand up for them.

Think critically and for yourself and choose your words wisely.

Sometimes it isn't what you see that's important, it's what you don't see.

Integrity is what you have when you have nothing else left.

It seems like we are teaching you how to fight (we're a martial arts family) but we're actually teaching you how to not fight. You have nothing to prove to anyone.

If you're in a relationship with someone, BOTH of you deserve to be treated at least as well as your mom and I treat each other.

You can be whatever you want to be in this world. Don't waste your time being an asshole.

Be a warrior every day. A warrior has perseverance, integrity, compassion and self control.

Stay bulletproof. Don't put yourself in positions were any sort of negative accusations can stick to you.

If you come up with a plan and it doesn't work, it's because you either didn't plan it well or you didn't execute the plan properly.

Don't be afraid to make the right decision just because everyone else thinks you're wrong. Moving in the right direction alone is still moving in the right direction.

You will leave this world one day with exactly the same possessions you came here with...minus one body.

 

Kind of on this topic....I'll share a couple of instances related to my last post....

I love fishing and used to go all the time. When my oldest was 16 I asked him if he wanted to go fishing. He'd gone with me before but usually wasn't very interested and declined to go. So that day.....

Me: Hey...you want to go fishing with me today?
Him: Nah...it's not really my thing, dad.
Me: How do you know if it's your thing when you never go try it?
Him: I always feel like I'm hurting the fish for no reason and that doesn't make me feel very good.
Me: We're not really hurting the fish. We catch them, throw them back safe and sound and the fish heal very quickly.
Him: I bet it would hurt if someone dragged you out of bed with a hook in your lip and what about when they swallow the hook? You can't convince me that being pulled around by the inside of your stomach doesn't hurt.
Me: That doesn't happen very often.
Him: How often is too often?

Great! Way to ruin fishing for me....but...way to think for yourself too.


Little known fact....I have a small tattoo on the inside of my left middle finger, facing my index finger. Almost nobody ever notices it but I see it every single day. It simply reads "Warrior". My son asked me about once and I told him it's my own personal reminder of how to conduct myself every day. When he moved out, he moved to the city where his band was based and I didn't see him for maybe a month or so. When he came back home, he had the exact same tattoo in the same place. He told me it was to remind him of what he expects of himself and how his actions can effect others. That was a damn proud day for me!

 

I wish I could rep you for that ^.

Put a lil tear in my eye. Apparently you've done an excellent job.

The only way I know I did ok is when I see my boy (31 yrs old) driving his car he paid for (corvette) and coming from his house to eat with us every Sunday and he ALWAYS tells his grandmother (my mother) how good the meal was (even though it isn't always ), I figure I must've done something right.

and just to fall in line with the thread...I also tried to teach my son to take up for those that couldn't take up for themselves...and don't take crap from bullies.

I taught him to listen to teachers but to always think for himself, and he may well discover that he is right...even though, according to the situation, it isn't necessary to let a person know when they are wrong, unless they are hurting someone else.

Everybody else has already covered everything.

 

You must have done a good job as well! And I'll tell ya....raising kids who are taught to think for themselves is not always easy when you're also trying to get them to do what you want them to do.


One more story.....you made me think of this because you mentioned bullies. I always told my kids that if someone was pushing them around, try to escape...try to find a teacher, etc. But if you can't....you beat that motherfuckers ass and make him think twice about laying hands on you again. So one day when my younger son was in 6th or 7th grade he got put into "in school suspension" for 3 days. He didn't even mention it to me when he came home. I heard about it from his brother. Apparently, a friend of his was being bullied by three other boys and this friend couldn't fight his way out of a paper sack. My son told them to knock it off but things escalated and resulted in him fighting all three of those boys by himself to protect this other kid (and evidently won). I was kind of pissed that he was punished for that and I called the principal who explained that it was just the policy.....fighting for any reason will result in a suspension. But he confirmed the version of events and I told him that as far as I was concerned....he did exactly what I expected him to do and in the future....if this happens again, we can probably expect outcome. He didn't say it but I do think he agreed with me and I think he regretted having to punish my son. But I told my son that I was proud of him, it took heart to do that. He basically just shrugged it off and said something like "What other choice did I have? I'm not just going to watch them beat him up"

 

Great posts here. If I can teach my daughter some of this stuff I will be happy.

 

Critical thinking skills and healthy effective problem solving abilities and coping mechanisms.

 

Wizard, My daughter had a situation like that. She was drinking from a fountain in school and a kid pushed her head down and banged her face into the fountain. She was hurting, but having been raised around her two brothers--and me--she punched the kid and knocked him down. So. I told the principal that that was the way I taught her. Never, ever start a fight or otherwise instigate trouble, but when it's unavoidable, take care of it in a positive way. By positive, I mean teach a bully a lesson that he won't forget.

I was pleased when they got old enough to carry on actual conversations and could then participate in conceptual ideas such as never make fun of or belittle ANYONE and if

that was taking place in their presence--intervene. Be polite, be loyal, do the absolute best in their work, do research to decide issues, be willing to LISTEN to the opinions of others , whether they agree with them or not.

Since my socio- political views have been tempered by my work experiences , my dislike of those types that have no respect for working people, my time in several unions

and several non-union places of employment, and my first inkling that something was not quite right when president Eisenhour denied the existence of the U2 spy plane

when the Ruskys had the plane AND the pilot. The murders of those we know were murdered in the 60s sealed my thoughts about the government. My kids have heard me

castigate the government and the actors for whom office is a cash cow----blah blah. Critical thinking is sorely lacking in todays society----but not by my kids.

 

When Mia and Kieran were born my goal was to try to raise them with love and acceptance. To teach them compassion. values, work ethics and bring them to adulthood as content people.

I tried to lead by example. The norm was if you do not see me do that or speak that way then in our home it is something we do not do.

They are now 19 and 20. I love them as they are my children but more importantly I really like the adults they have grown into. If they were not my children and I met them I would enjoy spending time with them.

I have been blessed to be a mom and feel that they have a good start on life. They still want to spend time with me and live at home.

Life is pretty good.

This thread is probably one of the nicest threads I have read on here in a long time.

 

You are one person that I would have bet ANYTHING that you would have raised good and proper children. Your post affirms that ---yay---I would have won my bet!!

 

Thank you Joel.

I truly feel blessed to have had the honour of raising them. Being a mom rocks.

Being a dad who was also a mom, like you were, also rocks!

 

Great thread! I feel silly for forgetting one of my most used/thought phrases....

Get up!

You get knocked down. It's going to happen. You don't need an excuse if you tried your best. But you get up, get back in the game and keep going because, if your lucky, the final bell is still a long ways away and you have a long way to go. There have been so many times that I felt knocked down and like a failure and I was disappointed in myself but I hear a voice in my head that says "Get up!" Sometimes I would think "But....<insert excuse>" and I would still hear that...."Get up! You get your ass up and get ready to fight!" If it didn't motivate me...it would at least piss me off enough to pick myself up, if for no other reason than to not feel like that anymore.

One Grateful Dead lyric that has guided me throughout most of my life...."Don't waste your breath to save your face when you have done your best, and even more is asked of you, fate will decide the rest". But dammit....you get up and get your head on straight because there is nothing wrong with you besides a little self-pity. You do what you know. Failure teaches you and when you know better, you do better. So get up and try again.

 

It's good to have a roadmap of some sort. It really serves the parents more than the child though. With each point you think you want to make, you will need 2 alternate points. You have to be flexible, but you also have to have a clear direction. Too many options will have a kid growing up seeing how disorganized life is. The one thing you cannot do is just let life happen at random for a child. During development any structure you install will become a part of their thinking.

Another thing we do is designate some years as landmarks outside of the usual, society-driven landmarks. Learning to read is a landmark that should be celebrated. It's one of the things that makes us human. Every so often we have them do something totally out of character for them. Teaching our dirtiest child to make soap was one such lesson. Our oldest, a math prodigy, refused to show any interest or direction through high school. It was very frustrating. We ultimately had to push him into electrical engineering where's he's barely breaking a sweat. And yet, he still doesn't know what he wants to do.

My only advice is to be consistent and try your best to follow through. Just wait till you work your ass off for 3 weekends in a row to build a treehouse only to discover the kid is afraid of heights, afraid of a structure that moves with the wind, is no longer interested because a new game just came out. Oh well, the cats LOVED it!

They also outgrow toys and other things quickly. Don't spend a small fortune on things they will destroy, lose or give away. And a LOT of companies will try to sell you graduated educational toy programs that are questionable. They will try to use guilt to manipulate you. After all, "you want the best for your child, right?" Don't fall for their crap. Avoid the La Leche league as well, formula babies grow up just fine and don't hate their mothers.

 

this awesome topic. Me and My wife have an amazing AMAZING haha little boy. He is currently 7 months old and things couldnt seem to be better. I met my wife when i was living, doing full time service/ studying in a Hare Krishna ashram at the Radha Giridhari temple in socal. After that we moved to a small hare krishna farm community and decided we want to have a child. So we 9 months later that became a reality. wile in the mean time we had relocated at culver city temple asnd when my son was born we were at familys house in rivside. so what i am trying.to[SIZE=12.8000001907349px]say is that we have started out with a good firm foundation of spiritual life, which we both are very much attracted to. In krishna consciousness it is of tradition for hundreds of thousands of years to give. Your children a spiritual name, specifically a name of krishna (who we accept as supreme personality of god head) or his very close intimate associates. so we named him Nimai Giridhari which are names of krishna. now as we call out to our son all day we are also chanting the lords names. I figured all we can do is do our best in giving him a proper start in his spiritual life. Srila Prabhupada tought us to never be worried about what to do with our children. never be in fear for these actually krishnas children, and krishna as trusted us with raising one of his little devotees, and over all krishna will maintain us of course. he maintains the ant in the middle of the desert where it seems there is no facility for life. but still the ant is living nicely in ant life. We chant, read, and talk about krishna and his pastimes all day, everyday. all of our food is prepared and offered to our home deities of krishna, So in Krishna Con, we are taught that the original postion of the soul is to serve. this i dont want to get so much into because it is alot to explain. But basically we are going to guide our son best we can, through the guidance of guru and shastra and association of other devotees, into an overall understanding of servitude to others. This world is a tough place and it tends to make our hearts very hard. We have firm faith that if we can make a serious attempt to teach him qualities that we are taught such as cultivation of humility and selflessness thus allowing him to have a softend heart. Through specific and practical understanding of spiritual life we feel that he will be just fine. now. I am truely blessed that my wife has very nice very realistic high standards for our family. haha so Nimai has been a vegan since he was able to start reviving food in her womb, and now daily she prepares awesome simple baby foodstuffs made of locally grown organic veg and of course breast feeding. and of course all of this food is offered to krishna on our altar before it is taken. which in krishna con. we call Prasadam. this is food that has been offered to krishna, and after the dish is removed from the altar it is ready to be served. The remnants are relished and actually we are taught that this how we are always supposed to sustain the material body. id like to tell more but im afraid this is geting too long. so thank you all for sharing your methods with me as well.[/SIZE]