As a single mixed race reasonably successful guy with his own business I have, without sounding too conceited, more than my share of offers from attractive women who want the "office affair scenario" However none of them match my previous P.A. who seemed to have everything I could want, wish for and who left without word, warning or explanation. I have to say I didn't appreciate her then and would like your advice on what I could do to find a lady P.A. with her unreserved attitude. I was introduced to her through her husband, he told me that his wife was a competent secretary and organiser. I agreed to interview, as soon as I saw her at the following interview I could tell she was what was required for my business and the following few months confirmed her husbands assurances she was dynamic and trustworthy a real asset, we just clicked and my business benefitted immensely through her input. She knew how to speak to people on all levels and knew exactly how to react, talk, dress and professionally flirt with important clients/customers where necessary. We got on famously and began a physical relationship about six months after she had started working for me. I gave her a company car a generous salary and even a clothing allowance as she attended nearly all my social/business meetings and always looked fantastic, knew what clothes to wear and when and showed great imagination with the pretty lingerie she knew I liked. I couldn't believe how things were going, my business was doing better than it had done for some time in difficult economic conditions, I had a lover who enjoyed sex as much if not more than I did, even declaring herself, without my input, sexually exclusive to myself. Then without word warning or notice she left. Left not only me and her job but her husband also. I tried to contact her several times through various sources and the only contact I had from her was from another female friend of hers saying that should I decide to not leave her alone then she would have no choice but to take out an injunction against me and my business! I have even met her husband on two occasions and he is as mystified as me and also distraught. Two questions I would like female input on, 1. what on earth do you think I did wrong 2. where on earth am I going to find another female employee like that?
1. you had sex with your employee. 2. you're not. her husband really can't be that surprised she left if she was sexually exclusive to you while still married to him.
She didn't want her husband anymore, used you as a walking stick to get used to the idea of leaving him. When she met another man who'd be a better walking stick, she left both of you for the new guy. Perhaps there was no future with you and she moved on to a man who could offer her more. In my observations, some women never stand on their own feet. They move from man to man. Where to find another one like her? If you mean one who'd also include the sexual favors, try to find another of these women who need a man to validate themselves. It could also be that after using him and you as walking sticks, she somewhat felt ready to walk without aid and just left the both of you. It could be none of the above.
Could very well be what the second reply said. If not, she may have realized that her marriage was no good [and not fixable], and that she had violated her vows (some people still see vows as binding). As a particpant in her transgression, she may have felt a need to get away from you as well as everyone else. Guilt can be a very real thing. And sometimes necessary. As to you...your violation was grave. As an employer you are responsible for your subordinates' welfare. You betrayed that which was incumbent upon you. The woman probably feels that you betrayed her trust. And whether she feels that way or not, you did. OP, you sound like an intelligent person who exercised bad judgement. Unless you repent of this, it will follow you. I am not telling you to go to church. But some things have to be handled a certain way. This is one of them. Find it. As to the girl, forget about her. What you had as a wonderful working relationship is gone. The whole thing is gone. You are lucky her husband did not shoot you (I am not exaggerating). Give this much thought and be deliberate in your actions. Let Prudence & Humility be your guides. good luck, JKHolman
