What do you do when...

I didnt imply you did, but on a more serious note, when I've TRIED to be anything different that what I know me to be is when Im trying to please the people I love by becoming what I think they want me to be and I've discovered that doesnt work because 1) Not all the people you love want you to be the same thing and all that shape shifting can make you insane 2) how can you make anyone happy if you dont feel happy yourself? 3) There really is no trying and sometimes we just want to want to be certain things, but no matter how much we try, we just dont.
I've been slowly quitting the babit of trying to fullfill people's every expectation of me, it's kinda difficult, especially when I grew up listening to my mom tell me Im selfish (I wonder where the need to make everyone happy comes from? :rolesyes: ) and now whenever I do anything that I want or not do something that other people want me to, I end up feeling like Im being selfish. There's no winning in this dilemma of mine.

 

I smile

 

I know exactly what you feel like...
I feel selfish all the time. And guilty for some reason.

 

Hahaha...The best post ever. That actually made me smile. Thanks. You're the bestest !!!!!!!!!!!

 

Me too.

I am very bad with letting go of past things, I can sometimes feel guilty for I dont know, saying something rude when I was 6, it's really ridiculous and Im starting to realize that and I guess that's why is not as bad as it used to be, before I kinda thought I was supposed to feel guilty and that was the consequence for whatever stupid thing I did.

 

aura, i feel that way all the time and i'm not even half as nice as you. You need to look after yourself, youve got like a milion years of good karma backing you up because of your niceness haha.

 

haha, thank you Keri!! I've started to KINDA look after myself, is my new thing.

Im still in the deprograming phase.

 

i wish you would let me warm you up again.

i wish you were alwasy beside me.

especially today.

 

go to a university engineering library and figure out how things actually work.

or go out and sit where no one will disturb you, where you won't be forced to be distracted by having to interact with anyone immediately, and meditate.

its not about anyone owing anyone anything. its about the kind of world you want to live in. and the mechanism that makes things they way they are, that is NOT THAT complicated.

(and if you think how YOU act, has to depend on the appearent intentions of anyone else, you're missing the whole point of the exercize)

=^^=
.../\...

 

themnax, I love your posts

 

practice practice practice and forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness.