I recently discovered that my girlfriend of 4 years has been talking and texting daily with a girl. She told me it's a friend of hers from back home. The problem is I've never heard of this girl until recently. My girlfriend has now started to post a lot of selfies on IG. The girl constantly comments & flirts on her posts. She now leaves the room to talk on the phone. I know it isn't physical because the girl lives out of town but I still feel like it's cheating. What do we consider cheating now in this digital, social media driven world??
I wouldn't think talking or texting is ground for cheating but yeah, like the Wiz says, if it's being kept a secret and hush hush then it would be concerning, maybe even conspiring to cheat. My relationship isn't concerned at all about communication between parties so this isn't anything I've needed to deal with too much. My idea of cheating is simply acting in a manner that your partner doesn't appreciate nor adhere to. So I guess in a way, as long as she knows that this isn't acceptable for you, then you might be right, it could be considered cheating. Though from my perspective, at the moment this isn't too much to worry about. You've either got to accept your girl does and can maintain friendship with other women or people or you need to come down really hard and say no, this is not acceptable to me. Tha could end things suddenly, but you need to look out for yourself first and foremost.
To me, if you have to delete the texts, clear the history, or you wouldn't say/do it in front of your SO, you shouldn't be doing it probably. I'm more than fine with my boyfriend watching porn, but I certainly wouldn't want him sexting or having cybersex with some girl over Skype. I wouldn't want him sending nude or generally unclothed pictures to another female- hell, if he was sending a bunch of pictures of just his face to another girl, I might be concerned. I wouldn't want him having sexual conversations with another person, or telling another female that he loved them, thought they were beautiful. Basically, like I said, if you think your SO wouldn't be comfortable with it- it's probably borderline cheating or cheating. And if you have to go behind their back- you probably shouldn't be with them in the first place.
My girlfriend does the same thing but its a mutual friend of ours. They only text when im not around (at work) and usually half the thread is deleted. I freaked out and said il leave you she cried and begged i dont leave. She said that it was never the content she was deleting but that it was like soooo much back and forth every day. Then why hide it? IM A FOOL still with her and the situation still bothers me every single day its getting quuite annoying actually. Any suggestions? Did i mention im really cute and kind and have money and i never get sex or attention either.... wtf am i doing?
If it's something you feel like you have to hide from your SO, it's cheating. That's how I see it, anyway. In the beginning of the relationship is the time to talk about these things so that there won't be any misunderstandings or trouble later on.
I would concider it being dis-honest. It's a crazy world out there now that we have computers. This means a much bigger chance at breaking people's hearts. I would try and get into the conversation she's having with this other girl. Ask her what she's telling her or ask her how her friend is. Basically, become one of the group between her and her friend. Some people, when they are in a relationship they tend to forget just why they began the relationshion in the first place. This leads to lieing, cheating, etc. in your situation, accepting attention from someone other then her partner. So, try to open her up on the fact that she's having to leave the room to talk with her, etc. This could remind your gf that you are her partner and she should not be talking to her friend that way. I hope this works out for you guys Good luck
I'd ask her if I could see her conversations with your mutual friend. If she says she isn't hiding anything from you, then she should be willing to hand over her phone. Or what's better, you could ask her if you could borrow her phone for something. Then go through the conversation and see what's been going on. It's really the only way. Asking her will only make you feel like you can't trust her even more so, pure evidence is needed if your even considering staying with her Hope it helps Good luck
yep.. I agree with pretty much everything the others have said... and I should know. Lost a 17 year relationship to something that began on the internet. Do they close the computer screen when you walk into a room? Do they have private phone conversations? Are they up late at night on the computer while you are sleeping? Do they suddenly password protect everything? Sometimes, what happens on the internet can feel even more intimate than anything in rl. People say things that they'd normally NEVER say in person. If she's unhappy enough to be looking for intimacy somewhere other than home, odds are she's on her way out the door anyway.
I think that the idea that cheating can only be considered so if there is physical sex is basically saying that the emotional connection of the relationship isn't as sacred as the sexual connection. There are thoughts and feelings that I believe you should only share with your partner. If you have to hide what you're doing when you're communicating with someone else, and you're flirting, then it's cheating. If you're feeling hurt and uncomfortable, then you have every right to be upset and to confront her about it. As someone who has been non-physically and physically cheated on, I can say that it hurts just as much either way. At least for me.
