What Causes Men To Not Be Able To Perform

Hello everyone, I'm new here and I had a few questions about erections.

To start, I'm a very fit girl, and I've been told I'm very gorgeous, I've gotten the "you look like JLo" many times. I'm very out going and I treat people with the same respect and compassion I want to be treated with. I was pretty popular in high school and I never stuck to just one group of friends, I did have my closet best friends but I also had a lot of friends from all different cliques and was nice to everyone.

I'm not trying to be egotistical, please don't think that and if you do, please be gentle, I'm just trying to explain the type of person I am cause it might be the cause of why these guys couldn't perform.

So, on 2 occasions with 2 different guys, they couldn't get hard. I dated both of them (obviously at different times in my life), and I know they both really liked me. One of them said they loved me after one week And the other said they were crushing on me since high school. With both guys, things were going great, hot and heavy but when it came time, they couldn't perform. I don't know if it was me, if maybe I wasn't their type, or if it hard to do with them???

Please help me understand what the problem could be.
Thanks for listening and any input

 

Haha I'm a knob, I totally posted this in the wrong category, but because all means please comment.

 

i don't know, ED seems like extremely effective birth control.

did they ever get a second chance? most likely, they were either nervous or drunk or both.

 

One of them did and both times he couldn't get hard. The other guy just the once, he and his family ended up moving before we were able to try again.

Both these guys were in their early to mid twenties as was I at the time. I dunno...it's weird. Neither of them were drunk.

I always thought I did something wrong until I dated this other guy I was with for a little long time. He never had an issue...in fact he'd want to go 2-3 times a night.

 

It is not, or will ever be you. It is always him. But be nice to him. He is likely not to blame either. Performance anxiety is the likely culprit. Anxiety, nervous tension etc. interferes with the brains process that signals the penis it is time to "wake up". The more you act sexy etc. the worse his anxiety gets - and the less likely he will achieve a full hard on, let alone maintain it. You will run into this many more times as other gals on this forum will tell you.
The best thing you can do is let him know it is ok. Go ahead and mention that this is not new to you and it is no big deal. Invite him to do "other stuff"...engage in foreplay and tell him we can do that another time. But DO TALK ABOUT IT!!...that is important. Talking about it is sure fix.

 

In my sad experiences, I was unable to perform as I was abused by old perverts as a child.

 

sex is a game of mind i u r nervous and not mentally relax then it cant get hard .

 

Maybe they weren't that attracted to you.

 

When I was young, being able to perform was rarely an issue (aside from not have a partner to "perform with" as frequently as I would have liked, but that's another story.) Today, I can almost never get it up without chemical assistance. I suffer from the classic trifecta: overweight, high blood pressure, and (now) type 2 diabetes. My desire seems as strong as ever, and my wife is plenty willing to accommodate me, but I'm shot down before I ever leave the gate. Guess it's time to have me put down. :bigcry:

 

Sounds to me like they were intimidated by your good looks. I've had that happen before. Great looking woman coming on too strong is sometimes too much. Lol crazy I know.

 

When our four dogs start climbing on us. Clicking us.... and the darn panting never stops.
It's a sex killer.

 

not going to lie, i am a nervous person so like 70% of the time I dont think I have performed well the first 1-3 times with someone.. I dont do flings really, which is good for me because im not sure it would work welll..

In your case the guys likely got way too excited and became nervous.. And once it happens and the frustration sets in well thats pretty much it...

Or I have came within minutes, so it has gone both ways but usually I am fine after the first or second time


The less into someone I am, the easier it is to perform. Stupid sounding, but true

 

Kissing and cuddling is not sex. They are the romantic part of your relationships, so don't be desperate if your boyfriend doesn't get rock hard erection from them.

It seems that the main obstacle is your boyfriend's performance anxiety and focusing on absolutely wrong things (including fear about erection).

And he won't overcome this fear by telling or even screaming to his penis - "come on, get up!".......instead.....all you he has to do is to visualize your sexual contact before real sex............what are those things that he really would like to do with you and that would give him the biggest arousal........how he would like to kiss you - would it be gentle, nasty or playful kiss or sequence of all three....how he would like to look at you...how he would like to look in your eyes......what words he would like to tell you....with what intonation.....how he would like to show his admiration about your body when he undresses you......how he would like to touch you...where he would like to touch you....how he would like to f**k you......with what intensity.....etc......if he will visualize this all several times before sex......his fear still will be there......but in dramatically smaller amounts........because he'll already know what to do.......

And the most important thing....in each and every moment of sex he must only think (or more precisely - feel deep inside of him) what is the next action that will bring him the biggest sexual pleasure......and just do it......

And one more thing - the above mentioned advice will work only if there aren't some factors directly related with you that disturb his emotional balance........by example - smell of cigarettes (if you are a smoker), or something else that he don't like........in this case you have to find solution for this at first and only after that to initiate sexual contact....

 

If I told a girl she looked like jLo


That wouldn't be a compliment.


As for why guys can't perform a lot of it is mental. Sometimes the body and mind are not clicking. Happens to me once in awhile

 

Actually erectile dysfunction amongst young men is more common than you think. It was them, don't think for a moment it was you.

 

Why do men need a hard dick in order to "perform?"

 

Is that a serious question?

 

Yes. A very serious question.

 

It would help if men felt less pressure to perform and more impetus to explore.