what a does a "good wife" mean?

it seems pretty simple to me. be nice and thoughtful to each other. do what you can to earn each other's respect and maintain that. you're in it together.

i also believe in taking turns at having shitty days and mainly joke around a lot.

 

dear, dear, you said ball busting shrew .. i never said those words. i never called a man an overlord ... you did. i did say my husband was the head of our household .. (you twisted my words) there have been many comments in this thread that lead me to believe that some women could respect men a bit more than they do. it's up to them to decide that. if i want to point it out, it's my perogative, isn't it?

i never told anyone again, and again, to kneel at his feet and behave like a stepford wife .... i suggested this might help her marriage and soften him up. she doesn't have to try it ... MOST women would never try such a thing. it has worked for other woman i know and as i stated before, this is NOT my original idea. i get you don't like the idea. i'm getting the impression you don't like the idea that other women have done it and it's worked wonders for their marriages ... long time 20+ year marriages. if she wants to fight with her husband instead, more power to her ... chances are nothing will change with them and she'll still be unhappy and so will he.

is this how you argue with everyone? putting words in their mouths, inflating and twisting their opinions to suit your agenda .... it's a typical feminist tactic, you can be proud of your feminism ... when you refer to your gender do you spell it woman or womyn?

and now you tell me to *cut it out* because you don't like what i have to say. i think you're being a bit bossy.

 

your tone was much less condescending in the first portion of your response. condescension deserves no respect. if you want me to respond respectfully in the future, i hope you heed that. i've got no problem with giving my husband a bit of room and tenderness when he's having a bad day. what i dislike is the assumption that someone saying such an ugly thing to his wife deserves a wife who'll kneel at his feet and lap up his ugly words. i've got two parents who don't really deserve any respect at all from each other. they're both dicks to each other, and they both deserve what they get. they've been married 24 years and still get shit and kicks out of tormenting each other.

and kneeling at his feet is EXACTLY what you said to do. i've tried that before, too. all it did was make him meaner, nastier, more selfish and abusive. i've tried not sticking up for myself and letting it blow over because he's going through a bad time. but when it was my ass supporting his and getting stressed out, he was still the one to go off and act like a dick and throw out sideway, mind-fucking comments like that. i dont' have a martyr complex anymore. my husband IS my best friend because he recognizes in me an equal. i think too many people got married just to be married, not because they're with a good person.

i've been with dave for 10 years and we've never had a fight. ever. you know why? because i'm not stupid enough to play the roll of submissive or dominant except in the bedroom.

so recommending it to everyone, dripping with your self righteousness and "oh dear...i knew you couldn't swallow your pride" bullshit is over the top and deserves not the slightest ounce of my respect or regard. had you brought it to the table in a less than ugly tone, it would have been treated far differently.

 

the pot calling the kettle black.

 

but i haven't told anyone to bow down and kneel before an emotionally abusive husband, now have i?

 

what about the original quote deserves a "kneel down before your husband and take his belittling?" comign from a working wife? now really, tell me, i hang on your word.

 

I sense "born again".Anyway,human relations are difficult to say the least.I was raised by my gramma(at 60) and had no sense whatsoever about male-female interpersonal relations and consequently was quite the asshole in my marriage.She walked out on me and I deserved it.It took me years to realize that women are just other humans with their own set of problems,desires and the need to be loved , respected and listened to.And vice -versa.People need to sort this stuff out before "papers" are signed.My granny told me if you want to find out what kind of person someone is-take 'em camping.Those of you that camp will know what I mean.Some do and some don't.Some will and some won't.Character counts (and never forget where the door is!)People need to be more discriminating in choosing mates.It's got to be a give and take with love, respect and communication ,as has been said.I could never respect someone that prostrated themselves at my feet like a begger.It should never get to that point.

 

thank you, scratch. perfect and reasonable. you do us proud.

well, mainly me. i know i'm an ass.

 

alright, deviant. i got WAY too temperamental on the topic and i apologize. i just get hyper protective when i feel like someone is getting fucked with. what you suggested WILL work with some people, just not MY KIND of people. but not everyone is my kind of people. and you know, that's what makes life worth living, and that's what keeps the human world on it's axis. i married a man smarter and more capable of me. following his lead is easy. i have a hard time understanding the need to follow someone when it's not natural or easy. i've been hurt, i've been abused, i've seen such ugliness. my husband, however, is the most reasonable person i've ever known. therefore, there's no question, i follow his lead.

at the same time, his reasonability will not allow him to EVER say to me something so ugly as "you're a bad wife." you know why? because he loves and respects me. i don't think i could ever respect someone who didn't respect me, and i'm not going to ever be able to fake a degree of 'you're more worthy than i am' to work all that out. if a woman is working AND taking care of the home, she's twice the man he is. and that's my honest belief.

 

Speaking of reasonable!Right on mama.

 

you're a love, scratcho, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

I'm a pretty horrible housewife. The dishes are in the sink more often than clean. But, I have two boys still in diapers and am 8 months pregnant. My husband never complains, though. He just gives his shirt a stint in the dryer if I don't get around to ironing. ^_^

A good wife is so subjective. You should be the person he married. My husband knew in advance that cleanliness is definately not next to godliness for me, lol.

 

I agree. What my husband finds endearing about me is likely to really piss off other men. Actually, I know it did, I have an ex husband to prove it. We were together almost 10 years, so I definitely tried to make it work, but it didn't. We just outgrew each other, it happens. No regrets though.

Luckily I met a man that really is my soul mate. We are going on 9 years, and wow it seems to have flown by. I look forward to the next 9 years

 

and damn well he shoulda. jeez. my two girls give me nightmares. but boys...while pregnant? i spent both my pregnancies on bedrest. and okay, i try to iron, but i REALLY suck at it. my mom didn't like people around her. she's prickly.


i know what that sounds like. but really, i didn't even learn to cook or do laundry until i left home. mind you, i only learned how to hug my mom and tell her i loved her when i was 18.

 

me and dave are the same. my ex was a great guy. it ended badly, but he deserves something wonderful. he found it. i also deserves something wonderful. and i found him.

 

SD, I will repeat.. I feel sorry for you.

Never refusing sex, regardless of how much you really don't want to? Letting him make all decisions even if you feel his choices are wrong? That must suck.

But what REALLY makes me feel sorry for you.. is that I think you actually feel that you ARE inferior to your husband. I will not ever understand that, no matter how much you or anyone tries to tell me that it's so. That is not the kind of person I want to be, and it's definitely not something I want my daughters to grow up believing is true.

Maybe I'm raising my girls to be "feminist bitches"... but if that's so, then I'm damn proud to do it, and so is their Daddy.

ETA: My father raised me single-handedly to think and to be the way that I am. If all men wanted a subserviant wife, wouldn't he have taught me differently?

 

well, it seems so either/or...either you're the kneeling at the feet subserviant or you're the inconsiderate twat. it's just not like that.

 

Totally - I'm perfectly capable of kneeling subserviently and being an inconsiderate twat at exactly the same time.

 

ha!

 

there's no reason to feel sorry for me. i'm treated like queen. it's pretty cool. my husband is a genuis, hardworking, driven man who makes lots of $$ and provides a great life. i have a beautiful children that i got to stay home and raise (still raising them), i saw every single first (first word, first step, etc) and milestone with them. i spent their toddler years in parks, at the beach and swimming in pools with them. i get to volunteer at their schools. i get to walk on the beach every single morning if i want to, now that they're in school. i can lunch with my friends and meet them for coffee. my husband loves me to shop and look beautiful and feminine and encourages me to have my hair done and ANYTHING i want to do. i have a jewelry box filled to the brim with beautiful things he bought for me on varous occasions over the years ... so much i can't even wear it all. he says he loves to spoil me. he takes me out to dinner whenever he can and woo's me with beautiful romantic words. the material things mean nothing, it's the sentiment and love and care behind them that have meaning. his desire to give us (his wife and kids) the very best he can provide. his desire to work his hardest to provide. it's overwhelming.

it's not about inferiority or superiority, but you can call it that if you want.

is my husband smarter than me ..... uh, yes he is. that fact cannot be denied. he's smarter than many, many people, men and women.

why in the world would i want to refuse sex to such an awesome man ... it makes no sense.

your dad may have bought into the feminist agenda and taught you how to survive in a world without a man. i was raised the same way.

BTW: i was raised by a lesbian mother who taught me all men were selfish pigs and NEVER to trust one. what a fool she is/was. my dad, who i saw part-time (kicked out by my mom) raised me like a boy, playing sports, tried to teach me how to deal with money (good try dad) and drilled me on math facts (again, good try dad). i didn't like sports or math, but i tried for him.