welcome...life

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by saffronfrancisburnet, May 9, 2004.

  1. :) hi this is for all

    we welcome life,to live and be free
    i once felt opened not closed .
    now the silver rolls off my cheek.
    not sure what has become....
    i welcome day when a dawn
    washed night a balance held.


    danced loney heart unfull,
    with young minds we laughed
    now the age of seconds
    welcome a new time...

    we welocme life,to live love,,,,
    i once held tight the light
    now burned deep below.
    fragile welcome alright stay
    no no flee go
    ripples wash a soul fresh
    ive welcomed life ,lived and loved
    my honour my body ,flown...........

    thank you
    love n peace from saff
     
  2. osiris

    osiris Senior Member

    "i welcome day when a dawn
    washed night a balance held."

    i adore this line.

    Revel, I say, revel!

    much love :)
     
  3. thank you osiris

    i have been reading your poetry and enjoy
    the depth you dive when you write..

    love n peace keep writing
    from saff
     
  4. Sebbi

    Sebbi Senior Member

    2. (See "Hot Poems")

    Try to make it less egocentric. Try to dissolve the barriars between you (or in the case of the 1st line "us") and everything else. Also try to loose a sense of time, just keep the progession of events, you have too much "now", "then".

    For me the hot lines are:

    the silver rolls off my cheek

    danced loney heart unfull

    the age of seconds

    I just noticed you could almost make that the whole poem if you are into Haikus:

    the silver rolls off my cheek
    danced loney heart unfull
    the age of seconds

    Blessings

    Sebbi
     

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