Weddings...who Pays?

Hi all,
I would like people to share their thoughts on modern wedding costs.My youngest daughter has just announced her engagement,and the wedding will take place Sept 2017.They live in another county from us,and as yet we havent met her partners parents.
Back in Feb,daughter and partner visited us overnight and we went out for dinner.During the conversation,they both said they could'nt decide whether to (1)Get married first or (2)Buy a house. I replied that maybe they should consider whats more important,and aim to focus on the that first,rather than trying to achieve both.We left it at that,and I didnt give it any further thought.
Last weekend,they visited us again overnight.The partner informed us,they had visited his parents the weekend before,and his parents had agreed to give them £10,000 for a first owners deposit,both in separate Isa's (bank accounts)and the goverment will then give them each £3,000,so when they are ready,they will,in effect have £16,000 deposit.Excellent! His parents are going to deposit this £10,000 into their Isa's over a period of 20 mths.
So then the partner basically told us we have to pay for the wedding ourselves.After further discusssion,and costs adding up (Manor House style wedding,photographer,dress's,makeup and hair etc)I asked if they (Daughter and Partner)were going to contribute anything themselves towards the wedding,and both said no,they would'nt be.
They then said,they would like a honeymoon (apparently 3 week road trip in America)and that they also wouldnt pay for that themselves,as they were going to set up a separate account,so "guests"would add money rather than buy presents.So basically,they've decided to (1)Buy a house (2)Get married and (3)Everyone pay for their honeymoon,but they're not paying/contributing to any of the costs!
Yes I'm happy they're getting on the property ladder,and also getting married (We like the guy alot)but I cant help feel a little annoyed that his parents got a choice (Paying the deposit)and can pay that by installments,and that all of this was'nt discussed with us AND his parents before they made that choice.We basically were told last Friday night that we were paying for the wedding.We were not asked if we could afford it,or what we could contribute towards this.They have told us "their"(Thats laughable!)wedding budget is between £10,000-£15,000.
Share thoughts please!

 

Your'e A Very Wealthy Person, I Don't See What Your Problem Is..... Dig Out Your Wallet And Fork Out The Dough???

Problem Solved.



Cheers Glen.

 

How do you know this Glenglen?Do I actually know you personally?I'm beginning to think I do because you know an awful lot about me going from past posts?Please pm me and tell me how I know you?

 

Ignore that old boot glenglen, he likes to wind you up .give as good as you get..wink wink!
I think you need to make a stand here, I guess your agreed in matching the parents donation? If so... Inform them, times are changing, it's no longer a custom to have a brides parents pay the bill crap! That if they want help from you, you will match the parents offer, and put into the pot what they do, but! That's on the condition, the kids put in too!
Let's face it, they are behaving like spoilt brats! And that's well fare!
Then stand back, but be firm...
The idea of people giving money for a honeymoon is great, my son did that, but they already had a home. They opened an account with a travel agency, and people popped in and added to it, which was nice. They went to Jamaica the next month.

 

When My Daughter Got Married I bought the wedding Dress £2000 and I gave Them £1000 cash to which My wife Added another £2000 I also Paid For My other Kids Rooms at The Wedding Hotel and Gave Them £100 Each Spending Money ! (they are Not Well off )
It Was a Lovely Wedding and everyone enjoyed the day
Nobody Ever Said We Didn't Do enough

When I got Married in 1970 It cost My Mum £20 for a hat and a radio alarm clock (our Present )
If Kids Want Fancy They Shouldn't Make Their parents Suffer for their Excess !! They will be Parents one day

Guess What I am trying to say is Do what You can Afford and dont Be ashamed if its Not The Earth

 

That sounds insane to me. My partner and i would never start planning a wedding with the expectation that either of our parents would pay a dime for our wedding.

 

Thanks for your thoughts! I guess my main gripe is my daughter and her partner arent prepared to contribute anything.Yes I agree with the honeymoon bit.They rent a house together atm so dont need anything for the house.I guess because his parents are paying for the house deposit,us the wedding and the guests the honeymoon,Im just thinking "Wow?You've made all these life plans and you're expecting everyone else to pay for those? When I was 18,I left Australia and went travelling.My choice,so I funded it myself.I didnt say to my parents "Oh Ive got plans to travel which btw you're paying for"!lol Come to think of it,I've never asked my parents to fund anything I decided to do,whether it was a wedding,my first house or honeymoon.

 

Old tradition says that the bride's parents pay for the wedding and reception.

I believe the groom's parents were to pay for the rehearsal dinner.

The couples I know that get married these days mostly pay for their own wedding with parents contributing as they have the ability or desire to.

 

Unless you are the Queen or Dame of Something Special, those spoiled children need to plan to pay for their own wedding!

I cannot fathom the nerve of them planning on people just giving them money instead of gifts...and then not only NOT paying for the wedding but also not paying for the honeymoon either but rather everybody else funding that.

For them to actually expect such extravagance be shown to them, either you are really well off and they feel quite entitled...or you need to explain to them a bit (quite a bit) about reality and not being entitled to funds simply because they are alive.

They do understand they need to pay for/support themselves after this, right?

 

Jesus Christ, I have no idea why people pull stuff like this.

Throw them into a pit of fire. There's your fucking wedding.

Ridiculous.

 

When my husband and I got engaged, my mom said right away that her and dad would give us $5000.00 towards the wedding. My husbands parents matched that, making our total budget for our wedding $10,000.00

We both agreed early on that having an expensive, over the top wedding, was not our style.

The whole thing ended up costing just under $12,000.

My wedding dress, which I had made out of my moms wedding dress and my mother in laws wedding dress, was paid for by both of them, and I am not sure how much it cost, but I suspect around $1200.

Weddings can be done for much less than what we paid, even. My sister and her husband spent $4500.00 on their wedding, and it was a beautiful event.

 

my parents gave fairly large cash gifts to their kids that married...i believe it was cash ins from life insurance policies that werent needed anymore since they were moving out and starting their own lives

i know my father paid for most of the bar tab at my sisters wedding...i have no idea if he paid more

i would never expect them to pay a dime if i ever married..i wouldnt need it anyway im more of a justice of the peace type marriage person no party needed just the legal shit and then we continue on with our lives

 

lol No definately not a dame!We're just working class average run of the mill people.Someone at work told me she was suprised I had raised such a spoilt brat but in all honesty,my kids were brought up in a small country town in South Australia,and neither of them were spoilt.We couldnt afford to spoil them if if we had wanted to.I was a full blown hippy type then,living my self sufficient idyl life,and we had to make do with what we had.The girls only recieved presents for Xmas,Birthdays and Easter.

 

This is the generation of entitlement. Nobody has to teach these kids to act spoilt.

 

My ex and I spent $8000- on our wedding. Parents did not contribute anything except their opinions about where people should sit

 

I second that motion

 

This shit would piss me off.

If you volunteered to pay, fine. If they asked for a loan, or asked if you could help financially, that's pushing it a bit, but not unreasonable.

Declaring to you that you will paying for the wedding, and that their budget is 10,000-15,000 is out-fucking-rageous. Imagining myself in this scenario, I see myself saying something that starts with "How dare you presume..." and includes something about my putting a boot up their asses.

I can see no good that would come out of acquiescing to their appalling selfishness and presumptuousness.

I'm sure if you refused to pay, they would throw a tantrum, but if their relationship to you is based solely on how much money they can squeeze from you, is it worthwhile to have any relationship to them at all?

Perhaps you will one day have a more worthy grandchild to whom such generosity could be justified.

 

They also could be lying about the money from your future son-in-law's parents, or they may have manipulated money out of them with a fabricated story of how much you would be giving.

The fact that they are trying to manipulate money out of you makes clear that they can't be trusted at all.

 

its 2016, they refuse to make your gay cake, you sue them, win money, they paid for your wedding.. simple !!

 

Tell them clearly that you are ready to contribute but that would be according to your wish and not their's! When I got married, me and my partner shared all the expenses for the wedding, which was a simple family affair with around 50 guests, held here in US itself and didn't ask for a single penny from our parents!