was I raped and did I make too much about it?

I'm sorry if you where raped.

But the more you say, the more this thread looks like you're trying to rationalize things, be it your own homosexual tendencies or possibly giving consent or whatever else.

And that's not to say being homosexual would have something to do with consenting to this, of course. But you're obviously trying to rationalize at least something, if not a host of things.

Sorry bro, you sound gay to me. You're still a teen, you can't write off teenage curiosity. You try to not even let yourself think about sex, so how would you know if you're gay or not? But even without trying, you seem to think about sex with guys a lot. (again, has nothing to do with being raped or not, I'm not saying you should have been because you're gay or anything, if you where raped it sucks and you should get all the help and support you can-especially if you're gay and in an oppressive religious situation, it's really shitty of him to fuck things up for you like that)

You have my support with being raped, but not with lying to yourself about being gay, or not letting yourself figure out what you are. The fact is that the whole "not even imagine sex" anti-masturbation religious thing is VERY unhealthy, physically and mentally, and makes unhealthy adults with repressed guilty feeling marriages.

I know, you won't take a word of this into account.

 

the issue isn't about being gay can you not get that?

And it's not a lie. I said in my op I was attracted to girls. Because I was sexually assaulted I'm gay doesn't make sense to me. You know sexual assault is unwanted sex acts. I didn't want to have sex with him. My issue is with relationships in general after this I have totally isolated myself and can not trust anyone to save myself. That's more my issue than sexuality which I am not concerned with. You see to want to have a convo on whether I'm gay. That's notwhat the subject of this thread is about. Just because I kissed a guy doesn't mean I'm gay. People do it all the time. I don't care if you think I'm gay my concern is with other parts in life like trusting others being the kid I was beforehand. And it's hard to tell when there are people like you in society who seem to try to make assumptions and not deal with what really is the issue not superficial stuff. I sadly have family like you and this is a good example why you don't want them to know. Cutting had nothing to do with sexuality suicidal thoughts and depression had nothing to do sexuality issues. I don't care about that ok. Anything in my life now isn't really anything to do with it I have far bigger issues at hand.

 

Sigh.

"my sexuality is more of an issue than my sexuality, which I'm not concerned with".

It IS a sexuality issue, that's what rape causes, or else you'd be like "I got raped, and it was boring, what's next? Wasen't even exciting rape, just ho-hum rape, can we get some real rapists in here?"

It IS a sexual issue, and it's a bigger one because you're already repressing yourself, in more than one way, and rape will give you an excuse for more of that, ESPECIALLY gay rape.

 

if you're reffering to the erection actually that's what happens sometimes itdoesnt necessarily mean anything either way. It's like an innate reaction. Which has nothing to do with my sexuality. You didn't read my posts right wasn't done editing.



I think you're gay and really can't get onto the real issue for whatever sad reason. It's not about being gay. And actually I'm not suppressing gay thoughts. I have a far harder time suppressing straight thoughts get it? I suppress ALL sexual thoughts and quitefrankly have not had to suppress gay thoughts in a year that stuff evades me.. I'm 17 and I know I'm not ready. But I guess at 20 you can't realize that. Please if you have an issue wuth me evading thinking sexually don't live it. But don't hound me on how I should try to think of guys when I usually don't as said in my op. If you have an issue with me suppressing my attraction for girls well make a thread on it. This isn't about my attraction to girl nor is it about guys it's about much more.


Either way main issue is I'm having issues other than sexuality. Those issues come up in daily life. And far more important and far worst if sexuality was all my problem it would be easy but I have several dimension and haven't been able to tell a word of it to anyone for fear they'd be like you.

 

You can't pretend you're not a sexual being while addressing rape.

So I guess your rape will have to be un-addressed until you're ready to consider your sexual self and how it effects that.

If you're not interested in sex, then rape is meaningless to you, and shouldn't bother you any more than getting hit in the nose. Your nose, or butthole, is done bleeding, so there would be no reason to make this thread.

I find it quite silly that you think you can address the problems associated with rape while admittedly being sexually repressed, and actively working to keep it that way.

 

I don't plan to become a priest that's what marriage is for duh.

you're trolling I think though


if you don't realize it's more than that honestly then go look it up it's far more issues than sexual and you sound like highly uneducated to think otherwise.

 

Those issues all stem from the importance you attach to sex.

If sex wasn't important, it wouldn't be an issue. Ever been stuck up for something, or lost a fight, or whatever? it would be like that: not fun, you might dwell on it, but it wouldn't REALLY matter or be an attack on who you are.

So yes, it is, at it's core, the important part here, the part that you need to resolve to resolve the other issues, a sexual issue.

I'm sorry of jesus doesn't like that. But it's how it is.

*edit* I might be highly un-edumicated, but you're basing all your ideas on a system that mandates that you ignore the facts of your own psychology and physiology.... so.... chew on that.

 

actually no to me it was an attack. Not sexual. That's just how I perceived it. It has nothing to do with sex. More he was a friend I really trusted how can I trust anyone else since he attacked me. I lost my naivety and trust my outlook on life got negative because to me he ruined me.so value went down. I guess the only part I will admit sexually affected was my loss of virginity. Not everything has to do with sex. Perhaps I was too young. But it certainly wasn't the same as when we kissed. Not everything is sex related sorry to you that's how you are. But I just am not. Also for some reason you can't spell or quote me right oh well.

 

So you're saying this didn't hurt you emotionally any more deeply than if he had punched you in the stomach because he enjoyed it? Just the betrayal and physical pain? I find that hard to imagine.

 

no pablo it actually had emotional effects but not sexually like I'm just saying my sexuality isnot the biggest issue here but yes very deep issues.

 

Justakid, despite what everyone else says there is a diifference between a male getting raped and a female getting raped. And that difference is everybody elses attitude.

Guy or Girl, from some you'll get "Well, did you lead him on" but on top of that, if its a guy you also get "Well are you struggling with your sexuality" as well. If this thread was about a girl getting raped by a guy she wouldnt get her sexuality questioned as well, that wouldnt even register.

Whether they are theists or agnostics, the majority of guys and girls that hear the story are going to want to try pretend that kind of stuff doesnt happen and thus try project it on to you, and they have the tendency to try and suppress it naturally because its scary or icky to them, not that its some kind of giant conspiracy. And they have a tendency to do that without even realizing they do.

Take religion out of the equation, if you, your family and all those around you werent religous, you were another kid in some other part of the country, went through the same ordeal and told others, you'd still have a bunch of guys trying to project it on to you - must mean you are struggling with your sexuality, and a bunch of girls trying to hush it up

Now take the rape and religion out of the equation: If you were an agnostic guy running around telling everyone you wanted to save yourself till marriage. You'd still have a bunch of guys projecting things on to you, just assuming you say that cos you have no game and cant get laid. Even though the case may be you are not all that fussed about sex and just want to start a family early. And you'd have a bunch of girls that will smile at your face when you tell them "Oooooow, thats so sweet", then when your back is turned whisper and giggle to their friends "Oh gawd, he's probably gay"

Now take the victim out of the equation, and heres where it gets real trippy: Tell a bunch of guys around you that last weekend you got drunk and horny and ending up tapping some cute little guys ass, you couldnt control yourself, feel guilty about having those feelings - then you'd still have a bunch of guys projecting it on to you, a nervous "Dude why the hell you telling me that for, whats wrong with you?" and not comfortable from their on in. And a bunch of girls smirking, thinking :Hmmm, yeah let them know what it feels like"whilst not saying a peep

So a bunch of different variables in the situation that dont have to have anything to do with each other (especially religion) that give rise to a bunch of different reactions in everyone else - thus you can never really trust one single persons opinion or motive on the matter.

Especially if you are somewhat on the effeminate side I think you already know what you parents reaction will be, it may come of no surprise to them, they still will try suppress it, pretend that stuff doesnt happen, more worried about gossip and their reputation - so you've got the problems a girl may face in this situation multiplied by 3

Its not fair and not just, but the amount of times I've seen a teen kicked out of home, cut off from the family and friends becuase they come out with something like this (doesnt matter if they are hetero or not) , or just come out only to end up in a worse situation, on the streets or whatever - then its not just the rapists fault, but parents, family, friends and pretty much everyone elses attitude as well

If you do decide to pursue justice, make sure you have some kind of support network first, at least someone you can live with thats not going to judge, in case shit does hit the fan

 

Vanilla, if a girl came in and made a thread where she mentioned her extreme sexual repression and unhealthy thinking as it relates to said repression, mentioned repressed/suppressed homosexual urges, described a crush on a female friend, and then described being drugged and raped by said female friend, I'd say she needed to get a handle on her sexuality.

In fact, if even just any one of those was present along with the rape, from anyone of any sexuality, being raped by anyone else of any sexuality, I'd say they needed to stop being sexually repressed and face their sexuality and the reality that sexuality is part of not only human life, but healthy human life and thought patterns.

And if a girl came in and said "well I don't drink or take drugs, and wanted this guy, and suddenly had sex with him, must have been the drugs that I described to really not be that much like drugs" I'd think it highly likely that she was lieing to herself, and using HF as a place to sell the idea to herself before having to do so for others in real life. But I don't think that's the case here.

I honestly didn't read your whole post, will tomorrow.... it's rather long. But I noticed you called into question the opinions of those of us (me, that is) who would judge his opinions and views based on why he has them. But if an agnostic felt like saving themselves till marriage, YES, it would be MUCH more respectable, because if they're a true agnostic it wouldn't be out of a desire to please their imaginary friend, it would be because THEY made that decision, it would be to directly please THEM, without worrying about anyone else at all, all-knowing or ignorant or whatevers. If an agnostic made that choice, (assuming that they're reasonably sane) it would be for a logical reason, OR because they simply didn't have the sex drive to be interested(which is, of course, logical in itself).

*edit* oh, well I see that you where just saying he'd still look gay if saving sex till marriage. SO? I don't care if he's gay, he can save his gay sex till a gay marriage for all I care. But I care if he saves it for a bad reason.

OP, you know..... god KNOWS what you've been thinking, fighting urges isn't enough, having the urge will send you to hell

 

So, following the tone of the discourse between you and pablo, of which the post I'm quoting was a part of....

If you got hit, you'd lose your nievity and trust and have your soul destroyed, or whatever?

And yeah, the loss of virginity is a big deal for people who value virginity, even being virgin from their own hand, SO highly, that they'll sexually repress themselves and damage their own mind before anyone else even has a chance to.

Of course it wasn't the same as when you kissed, when you kissed he thought you'd give him that nut, and when you didn't he took it cause he wasn't a nice guy. But because you didn't feel the same tinglys when you where drugged and raped as when you where gently kissed doesn't mean you're not feeling sexual hurt, humiliation, resentment, or whatevers.

You have a hard time associating these feelings with anything sexual because you have such a narrow (church generated, most likely) view of what sex is. Maybe when you have some more (consensual) sex and heal a bit, you'll understand that sex isn't just what you do after you marry some poor girl who wants a strait husband, sex affects a very large amount of human behavior, and as such, to not accept sex is to not understand a very large amount of human behavior.

 

Yes you're right GOD knows I love girls and I'm fine with that but as a teen I'm not ready for the consequences of sex. I am pretty
responsible I know what I'm capableof. I don't think imthe who will end up on teen mom at least and you know bc isn't 100% I actually have researched it on the pill. I'm also I guess more picky and not going to just sleep with anyone because I have self value. Excuse me for not finding the right girl. It could be possibly be because my past ever thought of that? That I could like I said before have trust issues. Why the fuck are you ignoringthis the trust the deppression the cutting. Why does it evade tyour comprehension and understanding. If I was bludgeoned almost to death yes that would be traumatizing. You have no rigt to judge when you've not been in my situation. Also I think blacking out and feeling woozy are signs something didn't go right between me and the drink. I tink essentially you just want to blame me.. Anyway people suppress all sorts of urges it is what separates us from thewild. For example there's the hottest girl at school who's taken. I may have urges but until she shows interest I have to suppress my urges or go to jail. So yes in our societyto be successful you have to suppress urges and I'm not going to have sex with anyone when I do have a lot emotionally tied in. The funny thing is if I were a girl it wouldn't be spoken of like this.
also I don't have gay urges. Do you not get that I've never even fantasized about actual gay sex. It's not exactly my prefference sorry. If it were I'd figure out what to do to have those needs met but I haven't had those desires. Not even when I liked him.

 

also I had no discourse. You only havediscoursewith me because I think differently from you.
I think you have a hard time figuring out the obvious. To me sex is more meaningful reason why I wouldn't sleep with him willingly. I'd only do it with someone I love trust and know would be there commmitted to me 100%. That's what makes sense to me. I think I am more precious than to just give it away to anyone. That's how I see sex. Some people have emotional ties to sex and are more careful while others aren't. You appear to bethose who aren't exactly that careful. You blame my religion when it's common sense to me.
yes my nievety would be lost if I were bludgened almost to death. If I were beaten by someone I trusted yes. I'd see the world differently like I do now. I wouldn't trust because of it. I'd be deppressed because of the world I live in. The worthless is because of the loss of virginity. And I believe you are basing all your posts off a stereotype. And like I said before you're just like my religious judgemental family members. You can't listen you can only judge

 

Sigh.

Every time you try to refute what I've said, you paint a clearer picture of what I've described.

But no, you're right, I'm not special enough to understand what you're saying. Keep saving yourself because you have self worth, just like your church group told you

 

uhh no actually I don't actually an actual church.. I just call it that. Because in the listings it's called a church. You can't even get what faith I am right. We aren't supposed to really listen to what our 'church' says rather the holy book and there it doesn't say anything about being ready for the consequences of sex like stds pregnancy emotional ties stuff like that or self worth. You again proved my point you are simply stereotyping.You know next april I could get married to a stranger and it wouldn't be wrong religiously speaking. But would it be unsafe? Yes. Would it last? Probably not. Would I regret it? probably yes. Would it serve me a purpose? Probably not. Would I find my true love probably not. I didn't take the time. So chances are I'm not going to find the right person with one try. So even inside marriage I wouldn't get married fast because I don't need to be in a hurry.i havemany years ahead of me. If I were one of those who doesn't believe in marriage I'd still wait for the right one and the right time and I wouldn't have sex like it was no big deal with strangers. That's just how I feel..It's an innate need I wouldn't do because of how I am. Not everyone gives sex for free and feels alright. I don't. So again you're just wrong.. Also if you read about how people view sex many view it like I do. And some view it like you do.It has nothing to do with church. It hasto do with how I think. I just happen to believe no sex out of marriage but the waiting part has no religious correlation.

 

kid, be cool. the way to not let it consume you is to come to terms with it. You were most definitely raped, and that will not change, but you have already suffered more than is reasonable for something that's not your fault. if you decide to tell someone and they shun you like a thing unclean, it is they who ought to be shunned. you have the sympathy of all of us; that should be a source of strength. But the healing will begin and end with you, not anyone else.

that said, talking to someone about it in greater depth may help you organize your thoughts, thereby speeding the process. making any type of art can accomplish the same thing. find your outlet and the healing will progress faster.

 

hi kid.no problem,your very welcome.an thats brilliant news that you've set up an appointment.man am i well proud of you.welldone kid.way ta go!ya pet, that is the object.moving forward.well you've already taken the first step in the right direction.good luck with your appointment.an a big huge hug:sunny:

 

your the one with the chip on your shoulder concerning religion.well find a different scapegoat way ta vent in.an not by tryin' ta project your own shoulder chip on the kid. lay off him!:bomb: