So my fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. My whole life, literally, Ive always said I don’t want kids and wont ever have kids. Mainly because i was treated so badly for so many years when i was in school, I didn’t want to put my kid through what i went. I said that when i was in high school, all through my 20’s up until just recently that i don’t want kids. I’ll be turning 35 in February. When me and my fiancé got together she’s 3 kids. Two from a previous relationship and one from another. When we first got together I even told her I don’t want any kids. But I accept that she had them. Since getting together I’ve had a great relationship with her two boys. One of which I’m really close to and think very highly of and we’ve just really bonded since me and my fiancé has gotten together Her daughter, not so much. However, she lives with her biological father. For the first few years of the relationship she and i talked about having a kid. I kept saying no I’m not ready, I dont want kids, etc. Now through the years there have been some rough times which is expected. However, the most hurtful, which I haven’t mentioned has been when her younger son, the one I’m really close to, reached out to his biological dad to try and meet him. He did say at the beginning he didn’t want to hurt my feelings which I told him to meet him, he has a right. There’s been a time or two that he and my fiancé has told me, separately, that I’m not their dad, which really did hurt me more than I’d like to admit… but I do know it’s true. I’ve never met my dad and always thought of my step dad as my dad. I guess I just accepted her having kids and tried to help her the best I could. Well anyway, that really did hurt me when he told me that and when my fiancé told me that as well. That really made me realize with her youngest just turning 18, i really did enjoy seeing them grow up and I really want at least have one kid, a son, who I’m their actual father and hear them call me dad. I just wish i was ready a few years ago when she kept on insisting. Now I’m ready and she feels like she’s getting older which she is 38, I’m currently 34.
That's really sad that you didn't want kids because of what happened to you but seems to be more and more common these days. Just because you had bad experiences it doesn't mean your kids will. Even if they do I hope you'll agree that on the whole being alive beats the alternative. I wanted to have kids ever since I knew how then after a year of trying I found I was shooting blanks. My wife and I have a son by donor sperm and he's a delight. I'm 100% his dad but it still sucks that he doesn't have my genes. I'd love to have a child who's half my wife and half me with her eyes and my hair, her skin and my nose and so forth but the scientists haven't figured it out yet. All that to say I could have said I don't want kids because of that but even though it's sad it's absolutely the best thing we ever did. I hope you marry your fiancée and she decides to have a child with you it's awesome.
