Wanted to talk about a situation

Hello

I wanted to talk about something with with which I have been very much consumed. I am a 25 year old Canadian male in MTL, Canada soon to turn 26. The month of July, I have been a regular with a sex worker in Canada at a massage parlour. I had been lacking the intimacy and found the idea of seeing a sex worker to have been quite helpful. Ever since, I had before only partaken in this twice last January. It is important to note that I have never been in a relationship in my life and was a 25-year-old virgin until I decided to see sex workers.

I decided to explore the idea of engaging in this activity once more this month. I eventually did at the start of the month of July and ended up having a number of sessions with the sex worker I am now a regular with. The sessions were great and I deeply enjoyed them.

One thing that was extremely important to me in all this was how well I treated the sex worker. I made sure I treated her as impeccably as I could and showed her the utmost respect. I would ask before doing anything and throughout the sessions and even when she's agreed made sure to keep asking if she was still comfortable with everything as I proceeded. I would habitually tip $40 for each $300 full service session. I would shower both at home before going to the place and after I have arrived at the room. She said during the sessions she really appreciated me as a client and that she had so much respect for me and that I make her day. I was so happy she liked me as a client as one of the most important things to me in this respect was making the sessions quite the positive experience for her as well. It was what I strove to accomplish more so than attaining my needs from the sessions themselves. And, it was great I was indeed accomplishing it.

Ideally, I believe I only needed the first 4 sessions. Afterwards, I was quite sated. However, she did tell me she had a gift for me the next time I come for a session (a book she has regarding a topic we were discussing). Further, during the then 4th session which I went to, because the room that was available cost a bit extra, I was left with only $20 to tip as opposed to the $40 I habitually tipped. I felt obliged to go once again because I did not want to take the chance to disappoint her if say she brings the gift and I never show up again. Also I wanted to make up for the fact I tipped $20 and not $40 during the last session. So, to get it done with, I just decided to go for one more session and get those things done. We had developed a connection so perhaps it was also for the better I thought and maybe it would put an end to much of the excessive thought I had been expending. She had forgotten about the book which of course I told her was not a problem at all. However, one thing happened during this 5th session which made me feel quite sad. We were going for a second go (as we usually do) and engaging in doggy position, which we switched to because cowgirl position was not working for us at this point. During doggy position, unbeknownst to me, the condom had slipped off and I ended up ejaculating inside her. My penis had not been totally erect as we proceeded for this second go. I tried to anchor the condom but it never even crossed my mind that it would eventually slip because it did not during the previous sessions where we also went for second go's and engaged in doggy position. My belly was obscuring the view and I was looking ahead and not below as the act was ensuing. Further, I did not want to spend so much time engaging in the position for her eventual comfort so I felt pressured to finish hastily. After all was done, I realized the condom was not on and I felt traumatized. I couldn't believe my eyes. I apologized profusely for the accident I caused. She repeatedly told me not to stress or worry and that accidents happen and she will book an appointment. I just felt extremely bad because as I said, one of the most important things to me in all of this, was prioritizing her comfort and making the experience the most positive for her. The possibility that I may have caused her extra stress owing to this incident caused me enormous despair and melancholy. I wished I had not gone for this session because this incident happened. As I said, I kept apologizing. And, she kept telling me that she does not want me to keep stressing over this and that I should not worry. She told me she still likes me and loves me and that I should come see her again. She did not seem to be bothered by it. I tipped all of the extra cash I had at the time ($90) in addition to the $300 full service to make up for the inconvenience.

That day, I stressed very deeply about this incident. I did not eat this day. I felt extremely bad because I had always striven to make these sessions as positive and comfortable as possible to her. I knew I could not change what happened but I was left very sad it did, especially that everything had gone perfectly during the past sessions. I should not have gone to that session but I did because of my anxiety and overthinking.

However, I could not leave it at that and the following day, decided to go for a 6th session to make sure she was alright. I told her I was still stressing over any stress I may have caused her. She told me that like she said, I should not have been stressing over something that was an accident and she said I have a big heart for caring. We went for another session and thankfully everything went great this time and there were no accidents. She mentioned the book again and said she was still looking for it but that she will have it for me next time I visit. She told me of her availability the following week and that I should try to book a day in advance etc. The session was great and all was warm as all the previous sessions. I tipped her $100 in addition to the $300 full service rate which she very much appreciated. She hugged me tightly and told me: I love you very much (I understand as a client). She told me to eat well this time and she said she will have the book next session and we bid each other goodbye.

I have been thinking again about all of this and just decided to type because I needed to talk to someone about this. I do not feel the need to go for another session but yet I am sort of worried it may disappoint her if I do not show up again. Perhaps I could explore the possibility again in a few months.

I would appreciate your help very much quelling my intrusive thoughts about all this

I would really appreciate it if no negativity is used in your answer

Thank you very much in advance!

 

If your worried about getting her pregnant those girls know all the tricks as how not to get PG.
Her only worry would be std's.

 

You are seeing a sex worker. Let me emphasize this. She is a sex worker having sex with clients for money. You are paying her to have sex with you. You are paying her more than needed for her to have sex with you. She is a sex worker. Her job is to make you happy and she knows how to do this. She does the same for other clients, not just you. One thing is though, as far as sex and a sexual relationship, sex workers are a boatload of fun. They do what they can to make the client feel great from big compliments to any position the client prefers to have sex in. As long as you are happy, pay well, and want to return, she is happy. This girl has got you wrapped around her finger because you are a good paycheck. She is right in saying to not worry that you came in her pussy. There may be regulars she has bareback sex with and if you continue to see her she may allow you the same. She takes precautions to avoid pregnancy and disease. I'm not trying to be negative here but she only cares that you are paying her for the relationship. Ask her if she might want to just go out on a date, dinner and a movie, say "I'll pick you up at 8." See what her answer would be. Probably wouldn't take you up on it. Especially if you were to suggest a romantic nightcap after where no money exchanged hands. I hate to tell you that you have become infatuated with her. She knows how to take care of herself and also doesn't have the slightest interest in you beyond the massage session. You will disappoint her if you don't ever see her again. Not because she has a thing for you but because she loses the income you provide. Not to worry though. She will replace you with another client. BTW, there is no book.

 

So, six visits for what, 300*6 +100+90+20 + 3*40.

Ever bother to sum that up?

How about if you invested that in a market fund and went to start withdrawing in forty years -- how much might you have expected to accrue?

And with that kind of disposable income regularly coming in, looks like you could save up and buy yourself some real property, move out of your parents', or stop throwing away money on rent.

I'm guessing you don't have a dad to talk to? Maybe you should pay for the services of a certified life coach instead of a sex worker. Jus sayin.