Waiting to die...

Discussion in 'Mental Health' started by Twizz, Apr 10, 2007.

  1. Twizz

    Twizz Drug Conoisseur

    I've tried getting a job everyway I can... I've put in resume's and applications everywhere, and I've even gone into 4 employment agencies around here and still I have gotten nothing.

    I've gotten more into downers, and I basically don't care anymore. I used to make sure I didn't do opiates too often before, but I just really don't care for some reason.

    I've gotten really irritable and when I get angry I get much more angry than I usually would. I get angry because of the smallest thing. If someone didn't like something I was doing, I used to sit and listen to them. Now, I either leave the room, threaten them, or just completely break down and start breaking things or balling my eyes out.

    I'm not looking for help, I've gotten all I can get. I'm just venting.
  2. Relic

    Relic Coming Unhinged

    hey we all need to vent once in a while so why shouldm't you. My temper is like that alot except the crting I can't really cry anymore. you woouldn't know my temper was like that just by talking to me but if you saw itin action you would be blown away at how bad it is.
  3. Twizz

    Twizz Drug Conoisseur

    yeah same with me, you wouldn't expect me to have such a temper from first-look.
  4. Beckner420

    Beckner420 troll

    Well im no doctor... but opiates can really fuck with your brain chemestry.
  5. StayLoose1011

    StayLoose1011 Senior Member

    Hope you feel better soon man, just focus on all the of the great things in life :) Beauty, music, great art of any kind, movies, friends, lovers, sports, the outdoors, a good Coke over ice, whatever you enjoy :) I've had my periods of "waiting to die," just killing each day trying to survive, and it sucks... the only thing that ever helped me was getting back in touch with just how much great stuff there is in the world. Peace
  6. Lady Neko

    Lady Neko Member

    i have to agree
  7. legend 1967

    legend 1967 Member

  8. sexbanshee

    sexbanshee Member

    If i got a euro for every time I wanted to end it
    by now I would for sure be a millionaire....

    Hang on in there man....things change...from day
    to day even...

    My mother used to say ""you never know what is
    around the corner""....

    ...and it is so true!!!

    healing light
  9. heeh2

    heeh2 Senior Member

    its life....with a big ass mallet

    im probably going to have this same problem, as i have no time for work untill im done with school

    noone likes hiring minorities (especially the ones with long hair, and even worse, braids) it might sound like a ploy but its america.....

    im starting my job training this year....try that....
  10. stinkfoot

    stinkfoot truth

    It seems fairly obvious to me that you're not the least bit interested in making substantive changes to alleviate your situation. In light of that, the "venting" itself can become sort of an addiction; it feels good to let off steam in the short run but without addressing what is causing your emotional roller coaster, you're setting yourself up for destructive episodes. As has been pointed out already, opiates can and will fuck with your brain chemistry... as much as you don't want to "hear" this... you need to clean your system up.... that probably includes marijuana... at least in the short run.

    The only person who can really help you is yourself. It's all fine and dandy to complain but what are you doing to aggravate your situation? What recreational substances could you live better without? How are you presenting yourself at a job interviews? If you're wearing your depression and anger when applying I guarantee no one will want anything to do with you. The last thing an employer wants is another problematic employee. There are plenty out there without you adding your list of troubles and behavior issues to the mix.
  11. dharmadrums

    dharmadrums Member

    Great post, stinkfoot. You're right on the money. Twizz, as someone who has struggled with depression for a long time, if you are EVER suicidal, get help fast. Find a psychologist, psychiatrist, or an ER if you have to. Even if you're not suicidal, sounds like you could use a good therapist. Your post definitely communicates symptoms of depression. Take it seriously, please.
  12. hippie_chick666

    hippie_chick666 Senior Member

    Right on folks!

    Peace and love
  13. cerridwen

    cerridwen in stitches

    True that... if you've any kind of temprement, then opiates ain't gonna help other than some temporary high.

    and dude, you're only 18. Handing out a few resumes doesn't land you a job right away, but putting yourself out there does. There's no sense in giving up so early in the game.

    You'll never gain anything if you don't try.
  14. Twizz

    Twizz Drug Conoisseur

    I guess that it's coming off not as bad as you think.

    I've applied at 4 job placement agencies and countless stores/businesses.

    I attempted suicide last night, I just can't take it anymore. I hung myself up by a belt and started to black out when the hook it was on snapped. I tried benzo's and putting a bag over my head and just going to sleep but I can't because of the sound of the bag and as soon as I start to lose oxygen I start to naturally freak out. I tried cutting myself but the pain is too much.

    I think I'll just go with hanging myself next time, stronger hook though.

    I don't want to live anymore, you're right. I want to end it as quickly as possible.
  15. hippie_chick666

    hippie_chick666 Senior Member

    You really need some help Twizz. If you need to talk to someone, PM me and I am more than willing to listen to you.

    Peace and love

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