I am almost 30 years old and I am still a virgin. Why? Because I am waiting and saving myself for marriage. I have always made this clear to all of the guys I have dated, been in a relationship or serious relationship with over the years. All of them did respect the fact that I was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage. To this day, as I said I am still a virgin and I am planning to wait it out, but my question here, is what if you find someone who isn't a virgin and who has had sex in their lifetime, and they find you and say they respect you and are willing to wait, but then you find yourself with this person, and they go on about being frustrated because they don't get to have sex. They tell you that they love you, care for you, and you two should have sex because it will have your partnership grow etc. That what you are doing, whether it'd be oral sex, hand jobs, fingering, being naked next to each other, showering naked together, none of that works and they still insist on having sex, even though they know your stance on waiting until marriage. What do you do? Do you break your fulfillment on wanting to wait until marriage and have sex with this person? Or do you hold onto your morals and values and wait, and if that person really loves/cares for you they will wait too? What would you do?
You have silently accepted the premise that a woman cannot permit her desire for sex to manifest except in the way society has ordained for it to be. Such a conclusion is needlessly false. To give it up is a natural expression of the primal self and for which no one should be ashamed. Just remain firmly in control of your choices. The problem is not you unless you allow it to be.
I was raised to wait until marriage for sex. I didn't. I gave in the summer I graduated HS. My now husband was my first and I his. We broke up for to years, and in that time, I had a one night stand in college and a two year relationship, where I got pregnant and had my son. Although I don't regret having my son, I wish I had never given in to my desires and had sex before marriage. Because I did, it made it easier to give in the second and third time. I'm sure at first you probably didn't intend to get as intimate as you have with your boyfriend... Being naked, showering together, fingering, hand jobs, oral sex... They are all intimate acts. I'm sure you have seen that after you did them the first time, it was easier to do them again. It's the same with intercourse. If he's the right man, he will respect your wishes. (although I do see how it would be difficult for him to stop, not pressure when you are lying naked together...it's a natural progression)
Well if he respects me, he should have to wait no? No matter what type of intimate act we are doing no?
Yes, however, you also have to love him enough to not put each other in that situation. You can't ignite a bomb and not expect it to go off. You are putting him in a near impossible situation. Believe me I've been there. How can you expect him to lie next to you naked, share oral sex, etc and not want to have sex with you? Did you originally tell him no to some of the other acts? If so, he can only assume you are willing to bend your moral values, which means he believes you will eventually give in and give him your virginity. From personal experience, when I gave in and had sex with my then boyfriend, I didn't think he loved me less because I did that. It was my choice. He would have stayed, even if I didn't have sex with him. Honestly, if you truly want to marry this man, stay in the relationship, but back off some of the physical aspects of the relationship so you don't have the opportunity for sex. I understand this will be a very unpopular opinion. I am giving you this advice because you have lived with these morals and beliefs for years, you shouldn't have to change them for a guy.
The less diplomatic version is all those guys would have just thought it was BS to extract more cash out of them. Dating costs money, and it ads . Then some of those guys get past 35, have a bunch of younger girls with daddy issues coming at them, think back to the OP, and believe its another layer of BS, was probably sneaking in some older guy whilst feeding the boyfriend this stuff. Thirdly, past 30, now a lot of the girls will just assume you never cared about babies enough
4thly: With every little part of life, go with the strategy of just sitting and waiting, expecting things to be handed to you, well.....
I don't want kids, they are not for me. And I again want to wait until marriage to have sex. Why is that so wrong and such a bad thing now?
It's not a bad thing... Just very rare. Stick to your convictions. Just be prepared, as I'm sure you are, that as you get older, the notice of men who have the same convictions will be very few and far between.
But what is exactly that you are aware of ? The reason or the source. Being chaste before marriage is a good thing, and very commendable I must add. But the real reason for avoiding the intercourse is often not as clear as it may appear to people, sometimes there is something in their past that triggers the rejection of that act of intimacy. But whatever and however, one thing to remember is to Do It To Please Yourself because you want to do it, and when you want to. And remember, that there are sexually transmitted diseases out there that can kill you !
From what HappilyMarriedWife had say with this "It's not a bad thing... Just very rare. Stick to your convictions. Just be prepared, as I'm sure you are, that as you get older, the notice of men who have the same convictions will be very few and far between. ". I am aware that guys will have different view points and such. I just know that I know what I want and I am going to get it.
I have no idea why you keep making these threads if it makes no difference to you what anybody thinks. At least you finally got around to answering my previous question. You're likely to be terrible at sex, and some poor guy isn't going to know for sure until it's too late, but he will surely suspect it. Good luck finding a man who will put up with this.
