Discussion in 'Poetry' started by LordHelmet, Feb 18, 2009.

  1. LordHelmet

    LordHelmet Member

    Are you happy now?
    You've finally won
    Proven me a dick now
    My asshole father's asshole son
    I give up, I give in
    Cannot play your game anymore
    Fucked up from the start, now you win
    Won the battle, maybe the war
    nonetheless lost me
    I can't do this anymore
  2. Direct, candid and aggressive/despairing...good.
  3. You could make it more even, so it would "fit better" together, like, revise it and some of the words so the syllables match up and stuff.
    Other than that, I think it's great. :)

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