I have not been on Hip forums for quite awhile but I am here now. I may have changed my name yet my opinion remains. I have noticed on many of the mental health topics there is tons of victim blaming going on. When did it become the victims fault for being bullied,depressed, sad or even sometimes assualted in many different ways. I am sick of seeing the over used talk to someone in distress saying you should toughen up or brush off emotion despair. Really are we now back tracking from all the progress we have down with mental health and saying "just be a man"? I thought we finally were accomplishing something grand, but I was wrong. What happened to us? Lets evolve not deevolve.
It's not just on this topic, it's on all of them... Victim blaming, bullying, making fun of people (especially new members.. no wonder they never post again).... Down and out hate. I wish I knew what the answer was.
Everyone perceives trauma differently We can not apply our perception onto anyone else. (in this instance i'm meaning the trauma of being bullied, but it can be applied to any mental health or personality situation)
Most people are hurt by bullying, although some may not show that hurt as readily..... I knew of someone once that liked to say whatever the hell she wanted to anyone....and it was their fault for feeling hurt or taking offense. That is a crock of shit..... back to blaming the victim for being human and feeling anything, I guess......
Victim blaming. Scapegoating. The clinical, medical, scientific name for a black sheep or scapegoat is "identified patient".
Most but not all... those that seem unaffected may not just be burring it inside their mind, it's just not affecting them. Others can become very distraught/depressed from something very simple such as a one time name calling that may not have even been intentional. In reality that name calling wouldn't even be "bullying" in the traditional sense. The effect, to that person, is such that it would seem they were under constant harassment... To that person they are being constantly harassed because they keep replaying that instance in their mind. For the first person to tell the second "just get over it" is very unfair because they can't perceive anything the same way the other person does. None of us can perceive anything the same way as another. Be it a positive or negative situation. The problem comes when we try to apply or compare the first person's reaction to the second person with a "why can't 'she' (or he) just get over it... it's nothing like 'he' (or she) is going through" In either case it is not the fault of the victim, it is their reaction to the situation. In all cases bullying is wrong, some people can handle it "better" than others though.
Yeah, well you get old enough or sure enough of yourself, you can see those judgemental people for what they are. And that's not much. Water off a ducks back, as the saying goes. Being reactionary to a dickhead is just what they're after. It's not always easy, but better for ones mental health if the "bait" is not taken. There are ALWAYS--ALWAYS, some in any group that love to stir shit up. That's just the way they are. Fuck 'em.
Growth and maturity. The sad thing is, some people need support to grow. If they don't have reliable, proper support .. they're not likely to grow. They'll stay stuck, trapped, stunted. I've never appreciated the idea that needing support is a sign of weakness but sadly, that does happen too much. It's almost like there's this expectation for us to be these flawless, self-reliant, self-maintained machines. Or like Looney Tunes, where you take a deadly hit but you just stand up and keep on going. We aren't cartoons. We aren't machines. Self-help is one part of the equation but we also have to have access to people who are supportive, helpful, encouraging, etc.
I understand what you're saying and I DO agree. Just speaking from my advanced age, I guess. Still= fuck 'em.
I hope this doesn't come across as victim blaming, but seeking mental health advice on a forum like this is a horrible idea. It would be nice if people played nice and gave empathetic advice, but you can't really expect it.
It's kinda funny, there's a surf break that's known for a lot of bullying and intimidation. Anyways..everyone who surfs that break seems to be a bully. There's just as many people surfing that break, it's just every single one of them is an a-hole, reminds me of this site-LOL. Anyways, I took this assignment because I went to a hippy university, and I had a pretty good idea about what hippies are all about and since I've been on this site, I have to say I have not been disappointed. I took an assignment to evaluate a tea party website and I was expecting a lot of far out angry folks and biased moderation, but I have to tell you there were some reasonable people on that site, and I really tested them. I mean there were quite a few people on that site who had actual empathy, and I'm talking about tea baggers. Of course there were some far out angry people too-lol Of course, eventually I was banned even though I had not broken any of their rules, but I have to say there's as much bullying, intimidation, on the far left(hippies) as there is on the far right. I would actually say there is a comparable abuse of authority on the far left(hippies) as there was on the far right (tea baggers) but to be fair, I never recieved any warning points on the far left forum. Although, I was banned from chat. But I knew an evaluation of a site about hippies would make for an amusing piece because the popular perception of hippies by the general public is their about love and peace when in reality this couldn't be further from the truth.
Not going to work very well with someone wearing a suit of armour, irm. It will bounce right back to where it came from....LOL
