Very Confused

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by RainyDayHype, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. RainyDayHype

    RainyDayHype flower power Lifetime Supporter

    I was dating a guy for three years and recently I've been having mixed feelings about him, things don't feel the same. I started to have romantic feelings for other people, one specifically. I told him that I want to date other people. He's having a really hard time. So my question is, do I stay with him and try to make it work or go and explore..Can anyone offer me any guidance?
  2. fexurbis

    fexurbis Member

    Ultimately that is a question we can't answer...BUT, a few points to consider:

    1) What exactly isn't the same or is troubling your relationship with him? Have you guys communicated frankly about those issues?

    2) Try to abstract yourself from him, as an intellectual exercise, and ask yourself whether you want to explore sexually anyway. Is it a fantasy of yours? Would it still be a fantasy of yours even if the relationship was going well?

    3) How much do you care about him? Do you care enough to sacrifice your fantasies for him? Does he feel enough about you to make adjustments (alongside with you) in the relationship?

    Further: don't lead him on. If you already have a prospect and you're dragging the thing along just so you won't hurt 'em, guess what? You'll hurt 'em even more than if you were to end it now...

    Good luck!
  3. Haid

    Haid Member

    No one can tell you to stay or go but damn do one or the other. Don't leave him hanging out there. You should have just ended it and moved on, like a bandaid, rip it off.
  4. Hari

    Hari Art thou Art

    "....see you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself"

    The dumpee eventually gets over it.

    I find it hard to do, others find it easy.
  5. fexurbis

    fexurbis Member

    Yeah, but there always remains a doubt: "What if I had put just a bit more work into it?"

    Anyway, all our decisions are arbitrary anyway. Taking action ---which is to say, taking sides --- is a strict necessity, but also necessarily an error.

    Our human condition imprints on our subconscious the necessity of error, self-delusion and struggle. I like your bandaid analog! That is it, thought should only be delighted in in small morsels. Like a cold shower, quickly in, quickly out.

    Everything else is a matter of following your nose, whether right or wrong. I try own up to the consequences of following that nose.

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