Hey guys, so I'm extremely confused about my sexuality recently and I would appreciate any advice anyone could give me. Bare with me, my explaining skills are terrible but I'll try and keep it short and to the point. Firstly, I believe I am bisexual. I am an 18 year old college freshman and have very limited sexual experience, every time was with girls too btw. The only person I have ever truly had strong feelings for was this one guy since tenth grade. Besides him, I never really felt emotionally attracted to anyone else. From what I can remember, I feel as though I have always been sexually attracted to both genders, hence, bisexual. Moving on... My second problem is I am wondering if porn is negatively interfering with my sexuality. I started watching porn in seventh grade (before any sexual experience) and watched probably averaging two hours a day every day up until now. The longest I would go without would be when I went on vacation once a year. Although I never watch violent or fetish porn, I feel as though my use has desensitized me to normal people. While I want to experiment with both guys and girls, I feel as though I wouldn't be able to get an erection both because of anxiety, uncertainty, and also desensitization. When I have kissed girls it just didn't feel right, even though I wanna have sex with some. Could porn cause these effects? I guess I'm primarily looking for an emotional attachment before I get sexual with someone. I stopped watching porn five weeks ago and only looked at it once in that time. I've heared about the 90 day nofap thing and I'm not sure if its legit but I'm kinda trying. What do you guys think? Should I cut the porn out and will I become more responsive to sexual stimuli and kissing etc or maybe am I just gay and in denial since I've never tried anything with a guy yet.....even though I definitely feel sexually attracted to girls. Ugh. So confusing. All advice is appreciated, thanks guys!
It sounds like the only thing that can answer these questions is time. Trying to cut out the porn for a while, even if it's just a trial run to see how it affects you, could be a good idea. I can't say if that's what's causing your issue but if you're willing to attempt cutting it out, more power to you! You seem to be bisexual, from what I'm reading, but it could be fluctuating and changing. My suggestion... continue with the experimenting if you can. You may only ever fall for men, regardless of how you look at women. I know plenty of "straight" women who just love how other women look and feel, even though they would never date one. Alternatively, you might fall for a woman next week, or you might figure out that you really do need an emotional connection for it to feel "right", with either gender. A person's sexuality doesn't have to be set in stone, sometimes they change over time, or when you meet someone amazing. Good luck figuring it all out though. =)
You may want to completely change your perspective on your sexuality completely. Instead of asking yourself all those questions, and developing fears and anxieties, take a deep breath, shrug with your shoulders, and put a big smile on your face. You are 18. Nope, you do NOT have to be emotionally involved with the people you are having sex with. At times, a degree of emotional involvement helps. At other times it can just have the opposite effect. You want to have sex with the people whom you find attractive. Be reasonable and stay safe. But do NOT burden yourself with the notion that you have to love those whom you have recreational, NSA sex with. In all honesty, no one even half-sane expects an 18 year old guy these days to have his sexual orientation carved in stone, hanging out there for everyone to see. Adopt the open-minded attitude. Feel free to keep it to yourself, too. You may be a perfectly str8 dude which does not mean that you will be happy to sleep with every female who crosses your path. Equally so, you may be gay for all the practical purposes. I have yet to meet a gay guy who finds ALL men attractive enough... Play it by the ear, use your day, and let no opportunity be wasted... Leave all the other questions for later times... KD
