Geez. Where does this even go? A forum for women? Relationships? Drugs? I don't know. I have this long-distance boyfriend. Ten years ago I lived where he does. We split up, I married someone else out here where I live now, and after I divorced that someone else we hooked up again. My family adores him. I left my ex-husband 5 years ago and ever since shortly after that, this boyfriend has been talking about moving out here to be with me. There's always some reason why it can't happen, though. He helps his grown kids with their various problems, provides them with free childcare, etc. He has only come out here once to see me in those 5 years and I have gone back east once. So, he was supposed to come out here this summer, but his grown kids needed him and now he says it will be next spring before he gets out here. He is convinced that I will wait forever and ever because it's our destiny to be together. I have told him that there are just no dateable men that I know of where I live. Another huge problem is that he smokes weed daily. He has been doing that for decades. He's a Rasta from Jamaica and just thinks of it as something God gave him to get through the day. Before I had kids I did not consider this a problem. I stopped doing that when I realized that I was going to be a mom, though. Part of the reason I left their dad is because weed is the most important thing in his life. I am not totally opposed to adults smoking weed. Occasionally. But, I don't want to live with someone whose world revolves around it. I have kids now. I don't want someone's love of weed draining our finances, influencing who we, including my kids, can hang out with, where we can live, where we can go. I have been very upfront with him about this for a long, long time now. He called the other day and told me that he has to spend the winter in Jamaica to look after things and he can come out in the spring and 'take care of me' (his words). He said that if things work out he'll just move out here. He mentioned renting a moving truck. So I again said that he can't get red all day long in my apartment. I should mention that I live in subsidized housing because I'm disabled. My housing gets inspected. It can't reek of herb when the inspector comes. Well, he had a little fit. He said that he can't give it up. I am not asking him to give it up entirely. He said that it's not an option. This is all complicated by the fact that we have known each other for 11 years. I love him. So, anyway, he got mad. He made a choice. Cut back on herb and be with me, or stick with lots of herb. He chose herb. Fine. I can live with that. I would rather figure that out now than later. My mom asked me today if I had heard from him. My family LOVES him. I told her what happened and she got really mad at me. She thinks I'm stupid for worrying about too much weed. I think he's insincere if he says he loves me so much and he wants to marry me (which I am in no rush to do) but he won't even consider cutting back. My mom says that I would be better off with him and he's nice and everything. She says he could take care of me. I don't know what the hell to do. I know that I have been with a man whose world revolved around weed before and it really, really sucked. I also know that, aside from this issue, he does take good care of me. Even though I don't see him that often (which, truly, is OK with me at this point. I like my space. I just don't want to be strung along forever.) If I'm ill he sends me herbal medicine from Jamaica. When we are in the same place he takes care of everyone. He's mostly very pleasant to be with. I guess part of it is that after what I went through with my ex, I am afraid to get involved with a pot smoker at all. On the other hand, that's my main problem with him. Otherwise, we have a very nice time together and I've known him forever. My kids love him. When I don't talk to him for a while I really want to know how he's doing. He's never hurt me or threatened me like my ex did. 11 years is a long time. When other guys ask me out I find myself comparing them to him. When we lived near each other he took very good care of me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate it that my mom thinks she has any right to ask about him and get angry at me for not wanting to deal with that again. Her track record with men is nothing to envy... Thanks for letting me vent.