Vanilla Sex and BDSM

Hi,

I need help on one subject in particular. How do people have vanilla sex (penetration) when you only get aroused by BDSM ?
I tried many times to have "normal" intercourse, but I got deflated almost automatically. At this moment, there is a girl a like, but I'm too afraid to make the step because of this problem.
Is anyone went through this ? The kinky stuff is great but I don't want it to interfere with a "normal" activity.

Thanks

 

Communication is key!

 

Thanks for the response.
But how communication could help ? At some point, she will want some pleasure too and I can't stay hard inside her :/

 

Share your thoughts and desires…be honest!

 

Sure, but she wants a penetration and I can't provide. It's gonna be tough.

 

Are you saying you only get off by BDSM or she does?

 

any one into penis sounding. i just started and love it and also tying it up

 

This is impossible to answer because because 1001 things have been labelled BDSM how can anyone know what you want or need to do to get started.
Some activities easy to ask a partner to do others not so much.

 

Totally stop looking at the bdsm stuff and watch regular missionary vannela everyday stuff.

Probably if it gets you going just a little in time it will retrain the mind to say hey thats a good time too.

 

The OP hasn't been here for over a year, so this is for anyone who may be experiencing similar woes.

First off, I actually recommend cutting back on the porn, and choosing what you do watch from the growing library of women-produced erotica. That tends to be more genuine and more accurate. Typical porn tends to engender misconceptions and foster unreasonable expectations. Most porn is to actual sex as reality TV is to real life.

Second, "vanilla" penis-in-vagina sex doesn't have to be D/s-free. You can incorporate some D/s elements without derailing it. For example, consider using soft wrist cuffs and hooking them together or to the headboard.

Third, try to get out of self-defeating attitudes. If you expect you're gonna fail, you're gonna fail. Shift your mantra to, "she's hot and this'll be great!" or similar. That probably won't be easy, but work on it. If you believe it's gonna be great, it's more likely to be.

 

I'd try things that simulate what turns you on. Hair pulling, waist grabbing, holding her hands over her head, behind her back. Making her lay on her arms and hands while you take her from behind. If she is good with it, forced oral on you and on her. You don't need implements, just an attitude if she's agreeable. I know that back when my wife and I were still having sex, a guaranteed way to make her get wet quckly was to hold her hands up over her head and not let her move them from that position until I had licked her nipples very hard and had my way with her clit. She loved not being able to move her hands or arms. But she swears she won't ever like being restrained. A friend of mine loves to get fucked doggy style but makes sure you have a big handful of her hair to pull her head back before the fucking starts.

 

My wife likes BDSM. We don’t do it all of the time so it remains a special event. It’s vanilla the rest of the time

 

I should like to partake in such activities, where would one begin?

 

For theory and as a social network probably FetLife, otherwise there are events everywhere to meet people.