vaginal or c-section

Why does she need to do your pap smears or exams?????

 

Don't feel weird. If she doesn't agree with you making your own educated medical decisions, she's NOT a good physician for you, whether or not she's just giving you a PAP or delivering your child.

If after the birth, she's not supportive or gets defensive, change physicians. Remember, YOU hired HER. Not the other way around.

 

Good luck and congrats on finding a place that will support you in delivering the way you want to.

 

Yes, congrats on standing up for yourself!

 

!

 

well i think i made up my mind about what type of birth i will be doing. i really wanted to try vbac but as it turns out i am unable to do so. the reason being is that for some reason in my family we are unable to dialate past 3 cms. no matter how long or how relaxed just unable to do so. My mother tried vbac with my younger sister after 18 hours of labor and only dialating 3 cm she had to get a c-section. My older sister went through the same thing with her two older boys. plus when i was in labor with aiden 17 hrs later i needed a c-sec and i only dialated to 3 cm. so even though i really want to have a vaginal birth i dont want to take the chance of only dialting so much then having to have an emergency c-sec.

 

Did you talk to the midwife about this concern?

You need to think of certain things:

Where did your mom and sister attempt to give birth? A hospital?

Was pitocin used? Or did they naturally go into labour and it stall?

Were they allowed to labour in any positions other than flat on their backs?


FF, PLEASE look into giving birth outside of a hospital. Many many women are capable of giving birth just fine. But hospitals stall labour and don't give a logical amount of time for it to even happen!

Talk to a variety of midwives.

I talked with 6 different midwifes when it came to my birth. Asking if I was too big to consider a home/birth center birth. I think two even hesitated. But the majority said, why could you not? And even if there's a complication, it's hardly ever emergency!

Please, look into vaginal birth!

 

FF,

I laboured for 34 hours unmedicated before having my c-section. I too had only progressed 3cm by the end of it. I was having "push" intensity contractions that were coming every 1.5 minutes and lasting sometimes as long as 3 minutes... no pitocin needed. I laboured in every postion.... if standing on my head would have helped, I would have done it. :tongue: I had a shower, I walked around... and eventually I broke down and cried. (not trying to be arguementative, just don't think all hospitals are bad especially if you have pre-existing medical conditions! )

But I know why... and it had nothing to do with me. It had to do with my son's placement inside the uterus and birth canal.

Do you know why the women in your family weren't progressing? Were the babies in distress? Ask some questions... a c-section might still be avoided if you want it.

 

I never dilated past 3cm with Jenny, my first child, even after attempted induction. BUT, I had absolutely no problems delivering my second baby vaginally OUTSIDE the hospital setting without any medications at all! Don't listen to negative stories, that will hurt your chances of vbac more than anything else. I had to make a conscious decision not to talk to certain people about certain things, because they never had anything good to say about it. Get a copy of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Read the vbac section first, then go back and read the entire book cover to cover. Call one of the midwives at The Farm (there is always someone in the clinic on Weds) if you need someone to talk with who will be supportive and reasonable about your chances of delivering vaginally. You can do it, but you gotta believe in yourself and your body's ablility to give birth. You gotta ignore everyone who doesn't believe in you.

 

if i ignored everyone who doesn't beleive that i can do it i would have to ignore my hubby. although he is supportive of my choice he doesn't beleive i can do a vaginal birth and he called me selfish for wanting a vaginal birth. he has it in his head that vbac is very very very dangerous life threatening and i had to explain to him several different times the risk and all, finally i stopped trying to explain to him and i told him if he wants to understand all the risks and who what where when and why's i bookmarked several different websites that talk about vbac and gives good info so he can look at them and be satisfied.

 

FF, I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. Your doctor most likely doesn't "beleive" in VBACs becuse she isn't having one. There are good reasons to try, at least.

In my first labor, I wasnt even 3 cm at 18 hours. It took me FIFTYSIX HOURS to reach complete 10 cm dilation with my first baby, and more than 28 hours to reach 10 cm with my second. I did push, for more than 3 hours the first time and more than 2 hours the second time. I ended up with sections, but, I TRIED and my doctor totally supported me. (He's a dude, so he has no vested interest in making me do what he had done himself. ) I CHOSE sections for my next two babies, as after TWO trials of long labors, I have had a rare actual cephalpelvic dysproportion, due to a bizzaire condition called "Android Pelivis) BUT, I was SURE, that third and fouth time. There was no doubt, I never said "OMG, I wish I had at least tried, what IF?"

I would have done ANYTHING for a Vaginal Birth. In fact, I did just about everything. Every position, every help, enough time, nobody hassling me, ect. (Except ONE nurse in my first labor, and my doctor made sure she was banned from my room during the next laboe, and she was at first scheduled to be my nurse. She yelled at me for screaming, (the 19 year old kid had not only never had any kids, she had never tried to push a baby through an android pelvis, after 56 hours of labor, after already pushing for 3 hours, with a acyctial presentation.) My doctor BANNED HER from my room when I had the next baby. The man goes to bat for me. A good birth attendent is essensial.

FF, don't feel bad about changing doctors. You don't owe her anything, SHE works for you, not the other way around. If you feel weird about it, you can always see someone else for your PAPs and other GYN issues. But, if she is mature, she won't have any problems with you choosing a doctor or midwife who better fits your needs.

 

FF, my husband had his doubts about homebirth. In fact, he just didn't want to do it. But he never voiced that because he knew what it meant to me to try.

Tell your husband that if he isn't totally 100% going to back you and support you and believe in you, to shut his trap.

 

It sounds like you have done your research FF. I you are still wondering see a different DR. and see what they say about everything. The most importnat thing is for the babies and you health. What ever you decide it will be the right thing for you.

side not: Your husband might not support it because of the problems with you first and he doesn't want you to get hurt. (just a thought)

 

Men can get very protective of their ladies. Bear (my dh) was really frightened during my second labor. I am NOT going to say "I almost died" during my first labor, but I probably would have, if given an other few hours without the baby being born. (Damn, 56 hours....) When I was pregnant with Moon, our second, just 2 years after our first, nightmare labor, Bear didn't want me to labor again AND he didn't want me to have an other section. I was like, "The baby HAS to come out, honey." He had never heard of a VBAC before I had the first baby (and of course, all the old womyn in his family were going "Once a section always a second, your wife will tear her womb up. Then she and the baby will die." Nice.

I didn't "tear my womb up" (although there was a rupture scare, that was determined to not be a huge issue, and I continued to labor) but, I had to really talk him into the VBAC (Hell I would have done it anyway, I had to convince him not to sit in the waiting room, like his father did) This was the mid 1980s, and there were still a lot of men who simply didn't go into the Labor room, much less the OR. But, he came around (although, due to the fact that my problem was a repeatble one, while Meconium Staining is usually not a repeatable issue we both decided not to do a home VBAC, plus, there were few ways to get them 18 year ago.)

Anyway, my point was, Bear was really scared for me the second time, he even went and donated blood (we have the same type, but he is RH neg, so he can give me his blood) because he thought I would bleed to death. I didn't. I never needed any blood, but he was TERRIFIED. skittle does make a point that men can get really scared, and unless you help them along, they may freak out and start the "I said NO" crap (at leat my man tries that once in a while.....LOL! If you know me, you wold know how funny THAT is......

 

yeah the other thing is shane is worried that if or when i do go into labor the birthing center is about an hour away he doesn't want me to be in labour in the vehicle and end up having the baby in the van. he is frightened about that plus the whole time im in labour we have to either leave aiden with his gramma or bring him with and shane just doesn't trust his mother to watch aiden for long periods of time. i dont either so we agree on that. so aiden would most likely be comeing to the birthing center with us and shane would most likely be takeing care of aiden while im in labor. that's another thing i am worried about. not having any one to help me and having shane miss the birth of our second child.

 

c-sections suck avoid them as best you can. i had an emergency c-section and one to avert crisis with my second. both times it was a nightmare.

 

You could check a homebirth midwife, that way your son could be involved in the birth. Also, homebirth midwives will stay with you as long as YOU take, not as long as the doctors allow you. I'm a student midwife and my teacher's record days at a birth was six. She'll just camp out on your sofa until you have that baby.

 

My DH was just as afraid and just as unsupportive as anyone could be...at first. I had to read to him out loud the chapter on VBAC from Ina May's book. I had to print out for him the truth about the safety of homebirth (from the gentlebirth website) and then I read parts of it to him before he'd read it for himself. I printed out and read to him the Farm study and their statistics on safety in homebirth. I made him go with me to Bradley childbirth classes. I overdosed him on information. And, while he never lost his fears, he knew he'd better do a damn good job of hiding them from me if I were ever to have a successful vbac, which I was going to attempt with or without his help. And I made a concession: I went to The Farm to vbac instead of staying home. It was a four-hour drive, but there was plenty of advance warning to get there before I was actually in labor. Ultimately, it is entirely your decision to make, not his. He doesn't have to live with the doubts, all the "what ifs" for the rest of his life. I knew my vbac might not succeed, but I did everything in my power to increase my chances. And I knew, that if I needed another cesarean, it wouldn't be from lack of information or lack of trying, and it could never be as traumatic as the first one had been.

 

i would love to do a home birth but there are so many reasons why i can't. shane's mother lives with us and she is on a very strict/hectic schedule for work she works between 8-13 hr shifts that start as early as 3 am. If im at home in labour screaming and pushing and having all this rucus she will not only be pissed off and upset but she wont be able to function at work. secondly my house is in no shape for a place of birth it's dusty messy and unsanitary. thirdly if im screaming and all that my neighbors will either complain or come over to see what's wrong. and last but not least shane would be completely and totally against a homebirth right now im having a hard time trying to convince him to do some research and just get informed about vbac. no matter how much info i cram down his throat he will still agree with the first thing he heard which was vbac's are dangerous.

the other day we were arguing about having a vbac and he called me selfish i could not speak to him i was too upset i stormed out of the room in tears and went to the bedroom to calm down. when i cmae back out i told him i was upset cuz he always calls me selfish there isn't an incident that goes by where he doesn't somehow say that i am selfish. i asked him why am i selfish?? is cuz i want to have a fast recovery so that you dont have to take care of aiden, or is cuz i wont be so traumitized and upset or maybe im selfish because i want to get back onto the routine of things and make sure the house gets clean and the dishes washed and the trash is taken out so that yuo can go on working on making nothing happen. oh i was so upset with him. he finally told me that the only reason he called me selfish is cuz i found a loophole to have what i want. after that he and have not spoken to each other about vbac. i fell like such a bitch for wanting to have a vbac let alone learn about the ups and downs. but i think after we go on this tour i already know that i am going to have a vbac just to spite him and to show him that i dont need his approval for a damn thing any more

 

Good! As I once said to my husband during one of our pregnancy related arguments..

"It's my damm uterus and I'll do with it what I dammed well please!"

Stand up for yourself if its something you really want!