Urgent! Please help!! Am i bi?!

For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys. I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well. I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex. However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things. Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent.
I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me. To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense. It seems as though I can talk to everyone but her abotu this, and it has recently came back to bite me, as a couple of her siblings had people tell them I was questioning them in regard to how i came off sexual orientation wise. How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men? Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything?

it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies. The following incident happened over a year ago. so i look at the craigslist casual encounters section..alot. never respond to any ads or anything..but i like looking at the couples looking for men section.i search bi couples alot. anyways, about 8 months ago..i left it up on the browser. she saw it. asked me about it that night, and was like why were you on that site?

i freaked out immediately and told her it was a pop up, and that i didnt go there on purpose. shes like bull, i clicked back..and saw the pages you looked at. she then asked if i was curious about what type of people posted on there, thats what i told her i mean. she then flat out asks..you arent gay are you? i say no immediately and shes like, then its not a huge deal, just dont lie to me about it. Ultimately, what I would like out of this entire situation is acceptance. My end goal is her accepting this part of me. I have really hated myself for the last how many years because of these urges. I look at a man, and immediately think of how nice his penis might look , or taste..or feel inside of me. Up until lately, the urges were just for the penis..but now..they are towards a certain guy.

They have grown in a sense. I get very nervous and anxious around him, not to mention very aroused. Problem is, he is the husband of my wifes best friend. The other reason I want to know what she thinks is because every now and then, she will make little jokes, or comments that indicate to me she suspects something at the very least. She will randomly ask me if I am gay, and play it off as a joke..then when I ask her if she thinks I am, she says Cant you take a joke, I am just giving you a hard time. I honestly wish i knew exactly what my wife suspected/thought already..that way I think I could approach it better with her.

If she does suspect something, then she is really good at hiding it because the times shes made jokes, i will ask her if she thinks i like men or something and immediately she says no. Another issue i am facing is i have talked to quite a few people.

Her couple good friends know, which got to her sisters. The sisters said they wouldnt say anything and didnt want to get involved..but part of me wonders if someone will before i get a chance to talk to her. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more of an accurate read on her suspicions before I fully tell her? We have kind of talked about it, my wife and i.

But it was over electronic means of communication. I am finding out who my true friends are with all of this, as a few of my guy friends wont even talk to me anymore. Was I wrong by talking to so many female friends? The wife and I have discussed it somewhat, over IM and such while I was at work. She basically told me that unless I would ever leave her for a guy, why make a big deal about it, or discuss it? Advice pleasE! My wife and I have an OK sex life. It doesnt happen very often, and is often quite boring when it does. I should add that the last 4 times my wife and i have had sex, i cant reach orgasm at all. Thats not good, especially when we are trying to have a baby. I guess I am just afraid to add more stress to her plate. She has a stressful job, there are alot of outside sources of stress and I guess I dont want to be another one of them. I mean, I honestly think she knows somewhat.

She makes little jokes all the time..and when we were facebooking about it while i was at work, she told me that unless i want to leave her for a man, then she didnt want to discuss it, or make a big deal of it. I am also afraid that the amount of female friends and family members ive spoken with about it is going to haunt me, as it already has somewhat. Pleaseee help!

I am still seeking advice from female friends, and have actually been to a therapist in regard to the issue. Anyone have any advice? Thanks!

The urges have been around for years. They are to the point where I ask all my female friends, and even her female family members for advice. I am not sure why i do it, but i do.

First, I am not actively seeking a sexual encounter outside of our marriage. I have been dealing with these thoughts since my freshman year of college. An ex GF of mine picked up on it, and confronted me. Ever since then, I have felt the need to seek out advice from women on the issue. Lately, my wife hasnt said anything or made any comments. I have tried many times to get the guts to talk to her in person, but I freeze up. However, over text and facebook..I have no issues making comments, in hopes that she will say "i know you like men sexually, etc".

There have been a few times where she has almost found out from someone else, but it didnt happen. A couple we used to be very close with wont hardly speak to me anymore because I chose to ask the wife for advice(I used to be close with the wife of this couple, she was very close with mine).

 

I Have Just Brought Up All Of Your 10 Posts Since 2008,

Same Theme, Same Sad Old Story...



Cheers Glen.

 

tl;dnr

 

Maybe thats because i still need help, and need advice!

 

Six Years Later...



Cheers Glen.

 

Sadly yes, and the situation has gotten worse

 

And So Six Years Later You Once Again Find Yourself On HF's

Looking For An Answer To Your Probs....??

I Call Troll...:troll:



Cheers Glen.

 

What does troll even mean? No, i am looking for more opinions..things ive tried havent worked.

 

Sunshine, If After 6 Years, And At The Age Of 30, You Still

Can't Get Your Shit Together, Then I'm Certain You Are Beyond Help...



Cheers Glen.

 

Glenn, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. . Stop being a bully. A high post count is no excuse for you being an ass. Step up and be a class act.

 

Never heard of a straight man who wanted a cock in his mouth, know what I'm sayin' son?

 

Talk to her. Be honest about your curiosity/fantasy. If anything it will only bring you closer to each other. She sounds like she's suspecting something anyway.

 

I am not really in any position to give any advice. I will say this, you know what youhave to do, who you have to tell.

You know it's going to hurt her, and the fact that you are willing to live in the closet and sacrifice part of you tells me that you love her.

I am not going to tell you whether you are bisexual or bicurious, you know the answer to that already as well.

It may hurt to tell the truth but love hurts, robs you of, your dignity. But if it's true you can beredeemed in it and restore your dignity.

I think you are afraid to tell her because it might be too much for her to accept. And if she doesn't accept you it means she never loved you. I came out recently as a gay man and this was my deepest fear. Even my ultra conservative Roman catholic family embraced me. It's like jumping off of a cliff. Once your feet leave the ledge you can't step back on it. The box is already open. Don't under estimate her, she may have always known she may have always accepted it the only way to know is to step off of that cliff. It's called a leap of faith, do you have faith in her? If so the leap should be easy. You need to contemplate these questions, and decide that you can take the answer or not regardless of what it is.

It's not going to go over well if she finds out you like men by catching you cheating on her with a man. I have felt these feelings all of my life and kept them shut tight in my closet, which is a crummy metaphor it was more like a kernel of popcorn and those feelings were like slowly heating oil. One day the dam will burst. Desire is a powerful thing.

Don't ask anybody if you are bisexual or how you come off, don'tlisten topeople that tease you. You already know the answers to these questions you are just bargaining for the answer you want.

 

Hi, everyone might be bi.
But the point of balance might be toward male or female.
You might be physically male or female, but you are not convince with you your gender, somthing %50-%50, maybe %10 to %80.
Normally you are bi. If goes over %25 to %75, then you should consider yourself, to be a transsexual, men or women.
Myself, I feel bi. I love girls, I like boys.
I love to make love with girls. But, I only want to play with boys.
Tought sometimes I want to feel something in my ass, and also to fill something in the ass, but I am not gay.
I only prefer to play, have joy and enjoy with boys.
But, I really want foreplay, dream, fantasy and romance with girls.
Kiss and Love. :daisy:

 

...I'm assuming these urges started in your 40s...& as I always tell people got stronger instead of weaker...don't worry about telling your wife about your urges...it sounds like she already knows...I can tell you one thing the urges WON'T go away...the only way you can be accept by others is to accept yourself...& that won't happen until you act on these urges...this next advice some people don't agree with...BUT if you want to try sucking a dick & don't want anyone to know...find an adult bookstore with 'glory-holes.'...glory holes are anonymous...neither part sees or knows who the other is...if you try it & like you can deal with it...but if you try it & don't like it...no one will know & you can move on with your life...FYI:...next time your wife teases you about being gay..."say what if I am? how would take it"...then the ball would be in her court...if you didn't like her reply...you could say...well its a good thing I'm not isn't it...

 

Just tell her, man.

She already gave you all the indication you need "it's not a big deal, just don't lie about it."

At this point she is going to be more furious and hurt that you not only lied, but lied about it for 6+ years. That's a bigger deal than the possibility of you being bi, IMO

Maybe introduce the idea of a threesome, or maybe the wifes best friend and husband would be open enough to give you a test run and help fulfill some of your needs?

Regardless, there's only so much we can say to you on here and if you're waiting on just the right phrasing from someone, that's just not going to happen. This is your thing to fix, just stop keeping it from your wife.

 

Worse.

You're straight.

 

Let's all face it. If your like me and you've seem a

A dick sticking through a glory holes is not something you want in your mouth. Not unless you already have something that's killing you. How gross! Suck someone off that you know it's that much safer. But if you wanting to try it that bad it's already on your mind and odds are your gonna like it anyways. Turns out I liked it just as much as I thought I did.

 

the longer you leave it the worse it will get, you should really be open with your wife because whats a marriage built on lies, do you not think she deserves to hear it from you instead of her family, because that would hurt 10x worse knowing everyone knew and didn't tell her, it will be hard but you never know she maybe supportive, if you carry on hiding this it will just be harder in the long run!
good luck

 

Seems to me if this has been an issue for so long a period, it is either because you are in internal denial or that you are genuinely confused.
The only way you are going to know if you are/are not, have/have not a inclining for sexual diversity if it's that much of a deal, is to be bold and indulge. and find out for sure.
Go to an area of 'gay' persuasion, make it known that you are in it for a one-night experience and indulge - then at least - either whilst in the act - or in the morning you should know.
And then, - there may well be choices to make for you and your spouse/family - Be safe - and - good luck