ur a dick

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by AnnieChere, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. Major Peacenik

    Major Peacenik Member

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    hey the poem doesn't sound angry to me. it sounds hopeless. AnnieChere, I know exactly what you mean about the carrots. It's a metaphor, you morons. I also like your flying stanza. Chere, you might try to clear up your spelling and grammar a bit -- people will respect your poems more if you respect them enough to present them well.

    Keep going kiddo, you'll get better. And hey, both our names are Annie :)
     
  2. clockworkorangeagain

    clockworkorangeagain femme fatale

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    yeah i love the carrots part...i reckon its the best bit! it should be in a movie
     
  3. Jack_Straw2208

    Jack_Straw2208 Senior Member

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    i can criticize shitty poems however i feel like.


    oh, and its not so much an "age limit" thing.. its just that most kids that age are angst filled douches that dont realize how wrong they are... but im not saying she IS, just that she probably is.

    i know thought i knew more than my parents...


    but i also could have come up with a better anology/metaphore/simile than "how many carrots had to die for your salad?" too.


    and im not saying she hasnt had it rough. i know kids have it rough, most of my friends are uber troubled and what not (and belive me, bigtime fucked up childhoods) and they've expressed themselves... but yeah, hardships tend to make kids mature alot faster... and i dunno, the whole carrot thing seems miiiiiighty 12 year old-ish...


    dunno, its almost 1, and im tired as fuck, so peace out.
     
  4. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

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    ...It's good to get it off your chest if your that upset...but I didn't like the poem. I hate wading through tons of bad spelling and computer short cuts for one. Its always good to blow off steam though. Better than leaving it bottled up. What I gathered from this is your dad never has any time for you but seems to find plenty for a new woman. If thats the case, try talking to him about it and if you can't without losing your temper, write him a letter about how you are feeling. Remember, respect is earned and if it just boils down to a shouting match, nobody is going to get any respect. Try acting responsible too. Does he have to tell you stuff over and over before you do it? does he have to raise his voice for you to listen? Things will get better soon. As you get older, you will have more and more things that you want to do too.

    Jack Straw, angst is angst hun, doesn't make it feel any less to the person feeling it, try a little patience, tolerance. Critism is usually taken better when its not so harsh and a lil more constructive (not that I don't agree to some extent)
     
  5. kidder

    kidder Member

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    It's too bad all your moms had access to sperm banks.
     
  6. Jack_Straw2208

    Jack_Straw2208 Senior Member

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  7. Jack_Straw2208

    Jack_Straw2208 Senior Member

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    yeah dood, with all those drugs you're doing, you'll be a carrot in no time!
     
  8. YogaOfLove

    YogaOfLove Member

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    she does say shell be dead by 13 though...so therefore she should be younger then...maybe?
     
  9. ~jane_says~

    ~jane_says~ Member

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    Your poem is a good start...you are entitled to your feelings...writing is probably the best way to sort through your feelings. Don't listen to some of the so called critics on here, some of them obviously have their own issues to sort through...you can clean up your poem if you like but the errors in grammar and spelling definitely bring out the intensity of your poem...
     

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